Transcript of 5th Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Mr. Kester Langford, Tuesday, August 5, 1997 at 1:00 pm.

Mr. Langford: Good afternoon, Doctor Balis.
Dr. Balis: Good afternoon, Kester.
Mr. Langford: Today I'm feeling like I don't need to be here.
Dr. Balis: Tell me about it.
Mr. Langford: Everything's so new and exciting now. I love my new place and the job is cool. It's about waiting and I can really understand the whole concept well.
Dr. Balis: You feel like you've been waiting?
Mr. Langford: That's an understatement, but today I'd rather focus on what's really working for me. That's all right, isn't it, Doc?
Dr. Balis: Perfectly all right.
Mr. Langford: There's so much I want to share with you today. Don't get me wrong, Doc. I don't think that all my deep-seated doubts, fears, anxieties, and emotional problems have suddenly disappeared and that they have been assimilated with great ease and aplomb. I just had a good week and I want to celebrate. Part of what I want to be doing here today is celebrating with you. In fact, that's what I always want to be doing, but that's a little out there. Anyway, what do you want to hear about first, the new pad, the girl, or the job?
Dr. Balis: Kester.
Mr. Langford: I know, Doc. I just wanted to see if I could get you to express a preference. I don't really care, but if I were being asked, I would choose the girl. So I'll go with my gut feeling. What do you say, Doc?
Dr. Balis: You're very playful today.
Mr. Langford: Yes I am. I feel like the cat that swallowed the canary. It's kind of a giddiness. Many of my friends believe in Karma and that things are just meant to be. I think I believe in serendipity. Everything that feels good that's happening to me is happening all at once, like an avalanche of everything's okay. I don't mean to be beating around the bush but there are so many thoughts and feelings that I want to just say everything at once. I can't believe it. I think it's natural for me to feel good about getting a great studio and better than expected place to live all together with a job and to top it off Evelyn Bliss, this goddess, spent two days and nights with me, helping me to unpack and helping me to initiate the bedroom set. Yes, Doc, we used plenty of condoms.
Dr. Balis: Good. Her last name is really Bliss? Wasn't she the one who was leaving town?
Mr. Langford: Yes, and that's what's so amazing. I got my friend with a pick-up to help bring my stuff over to the apartment. One comfortable rocking chair, with pillows and a double futon. Some linens, blankets, assorted mugs, my hot plate, and two wine glasses. There were three but one got broken in the move. Actually I put a heavy box on the box that had the glasses in it and the glass broke. Just as I pulled up on Friday to move in, Evelyn's flight got canceled--something to do with the AIDs epidemic in Zaire. I thought she was going to the Amazon, so I was really out of it. Her departure was delayed three days so we spent two of them together. You see, I was jealous of the guy that she worked with. Who wouldn't have been--tall, great build, just got his Ph.D. in getting paid to go around the world and write articles and books. Tough job but somebody's got to do it. Sometimes I feel like everything I say is a cliché, but that's another topic. I am not that interested in that right now. Back to Evelyn. Do you have any questions?
Dr. Balis: No, not at this time.
Mr. Langford: Sounds a little serious, Doc. We're celebrating, remember? When Evelyn was in town years ago, if I weren't with her most of the time, she felt left out, ignored, and she used to tell me that I spent too much time alone. Not that I was doing too much work. She always encouraged my mark-making, but she thought I should spend more time socializing in general and much more time specifically with her. When she was in town, Evelyn demanded all my attention, from my perspective, and so that was that. We were frustrated with each other. We were always open and honest with each other but we just needed to go our separate ways. We hugged and cried when we split up. We love and respect one another but our life timing is quite different. Vivé la difference! We spent several hours a day in each other's arms, laughing, giggling, yelling and screaming, moaning and groaning. We spent a fair amount of time crying and was that incredible. Evelyn said that she hadn't been able to let go and just cry for at least five years. Crying isn't a problem for me, but this was a different kind of cry, from my very depths, the core of my being. It seems like I've been having a lot of experiences that require everything that I've got to give. Isn't that strange, Doc?
Dr. Balis: It seems like you're saying something, more than you're asking me a question. Is that accurate?
Mr. Langford: I would say that it's very perceptive on your part but that's your job. Actually, I've been thinking more and more that that's my job.
Dr. Balis: What's your job?
Mr. Langford: It seems strange that one moment everything seems to be falling apart and the next moment things seem great. It's just life. My job is to pay attention to myself and watch what's happening in a way that is self-affirming and healing. Evelyn has been talking about healing a lot--that sounded like something that she would say. She's so cool. She admitted to flirting with that guy years ago. She said that it wasn't anything serious, but she did sleep with him once. When I heard that, I felt myself getting angry and pulling away. We talked about how I was feeling and we really took care of each other. Sometimes I think about getting it together so I could take care of someone like Evelyn, but she doesn't need taking care of in the way that I was thinking. She is an independent soul, and that's what attracts me to her, one of the things. She's well built and fits perfectly, just like puzzle parts, and she's smarter than I am. I like the challenge. She says I'm very creative and romantic. I lit candles. The cabernet she brought was delicious. I was glad that the two wine glasses survived the move so we could make a proper toast. I read her some of my poems and some poems by T.S. Elliot and she helped me hang up some of my marks on the wall. I feel like I'm talking too much.
Dr. Balis: You said you wanted to celebrate. Do you feel like you're celebrating?
Mr. Langford: Yes, I do.
Dr. Balis: Then, continue. I can see that you feel like a very lucky man.
Mr. Langford: I have always felt very lucky, but the wind was taken out of my sails for several years, and I forgot where my center was. I didn't really forget. When my parents died, it was like being kicked in the groin by a giant. It sounds funny to say it out loud but the absurdity expresses something beyond anything anyone can say. I can't help from smiling when I think of the time I've been having the past few days.
Dr. Balis: It sounds like something to savor.
Mr. Langford: That's for sure. I complain about my aches and pains, and every problem I ever have. It's like I use them as an anchor to pull me down, so why not celebrate what makes my spirit sing and my appreciation soar.
Dr. Balis: Sounds reasonable. What else happened that you would like to talk about that you think is important?
Mr. Langford: Several of our conversations, Evelyn's and mine, were very interesting and important to me, but I think I would rather talk about those some other time, if that's okay.
Dr. Balis: That's totally up to you.
Mr. Langford: I discovered that my apartment is actually bigger than I'd thought. It's gigantic. Not only does it have a sink, a four-burner gas stove, refrigerator and an air conditioner but there's a storage area that I can use for painting and storing my paintings. The apartment is the same size as the gallery downstairs but the storage area is actually bigger than the living area of the apartment. It's not finished off like a normal room with walls--it's all open studs, a skylight, double windows on three sides, and an unfinished raw plywood floor. Jake seemed genuinely pleased that I was going to be able to use that storage area. The way things worked out, he really never got to see any of my marks, but he expressed an interest in seeing them as soon as I got settled in. When he came by, his mission was to give me the keys to the apartment and the gallery, show me how to use the alarm and tell me whom to call in case of an emergency. He left me a check list to go through each night and each morning with names and numbers. I agreed to work seven nights the first week to help him out. I was jazzed that he was so open to my using the storage area and to his interest in my marks.
Dr. Balis: It does sound ideal. You've had a very intense and productive week.
Mr. Langford: That's for sure. That sexual problem that I haven't talked about doesn't seem to be a problem any more, but I would like to talk to you about it anyway one of these days soon. I was wondering about my test results.
Dr. Balis: Your tests came out fine. All of your blood levels are within the normal range. That means that we can consider treating you with medication without worrying about a problem with your health in general. But I'd say that no medication seems to be indicated at this time.
Mr. Langford: What do you mean?
Dr. Balis: I think it's too early to being prescribing medication for you. I'd like to get to understand a lot more about you before I decide if that is the appropriate course to take. But I wanted to make sure that it was an available option if we decide to go that route, okay?
Mr. Langford: That makes sense. Right now I don't think I need medication. I need to enjoy my new job and living space.
Dr. Balis: I agree. How long will Evelyn be gone?
Mr. Langford: As far as I know, she's gone for a while. We took the Airporter together, her treat. It was great being chauffeured to and from SFO. I saw her get on Afrikaans Airline and I stayed until the plane took off. I definitely got teary eyed as she walked up the ramp. What a woman! She really filled me up with so much positive energy that it's hard to believe how differently I feel. She's a natural healer. What a gift!
Dr. Balis: That seems like a good note to end on today. Any further comments?
Mr. Langford: Yes. The time just flew by today. It's like I just arrived and now it's time to go. I really enjoyed myself. I don't know how therapeutic our session was today, but it felt good.
Dr. Balis: Did you want to make an appointment for next week.
Mr. Langford: Sure, Doc. I am going to keep coming until either I have nothing to talk about or my insurance runs out. Thanks, Doc. See you next week. Same time all right?
Dr. Balis: That will be fine. See you next week, Kester.
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