Transcript of 70th Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Mr. Alex Rozzi, Wednesday, December 2, 1998 at 5:00 pm.

Mr. Rozzi: Hey, Doc.
Dr. Balis: Hello, Alex. How are you doing?
Mr. Rozzi: Okay, I guess. I'm all right. It seems like a long time since I saw you last.
Dr. Balis: Why?
Mr. Rozzi: Mainly because so many things have came down since last week. Thanksgiving was so unpredictable and with a couple of twisted surprises. I talked to Katherine and worked things out with her. The shit with Benny has taken an interesting turn--so much stuff. Oh, and then there's Luke. Remind me to tell you about him, okay? But mostly, I've been spending a lot of time alone, thinking and trying to figure out who I am and stuff like that.
Dr. Balis: Any conclusions?
Mr. Rozzi: Nothing much, really. Since Benny left my life last year, everything inside me kind of died and nothing had any meaning anymore. I felt lost, like I was drifting aimlessly. I think about things that happened since then--moving in with Ralph, meeting Katherine and Jake, the art fiasco, Cami and Regina, Luke, and then Ted the Benny's look-alike--all that stuff just proves to me that I didn't take the time to figure out who I was. I was just drifting in this huge, stormy sea.
Dr. Balis: Hmm.
Mr. Rozzi: I have this picture in my mind of some ideal, of the way things should be, or rather, of how I want things to be. One of the things I realized was that my self-esteem just sort of crumbled when Benny dumped me, I felt very unworthy inside. I'm amazed that I found someone like Luke when I did. I was never really ready for him, for a real relationship, you know?
Dr. Balis: Tell me more about your ideal picture of life.
Mr. Rozzi: Well, I don't really know where to start. Let me see. I want to understand things completely, and I want to be understood. I feel like there's this huge void in me, and it goes way back, even before Benny was a part of my life. It's like I yearn so much to be accepted and loved by my...uh, my mother, as stupid as that sounds.
Dr. Balis: It's not stupid, Alex. We all want to be accepted by our family and friends.
Mr. Rozzi: Yeah, but we don't all get that, do we? Sometimes, I think she'll never be like that. Never! But then, when I least expect it, this big surprise would happen.
Dr. Balis: What do you mean?
Mr. Rozzi: You know, the only time I've ever felt loved, really loved, was when my grandmother was still alive. She took time with me. She talked to me and listened to me, and she taught me things. I think most of what I know now I learned from her. She scolded me when I did bad things, but she never treated me like I was too much trouble for her. I have this image in my head of her as a hero. She died so long ago. There aren't many heroes around these days, you know?
Dr. Balis: What makes someone a hero?
Mr. Rozzi: Hmm. How do I put this? A hero to me is someone I admire and look up to. It's a person who does great things, things that make me want to be like them. Benny was my hero for a while. Now it seems like Katherine is my hero.
Dr. Balis: Hmm.
Mr. Rozzi: I guess, someday, she may be replaced with another hero. But I can't even imagine that right now.
Dr. Balis: Well, it's true, Alex, as you grow and change, so will the heroes in your life.
Mr. Rozzi: I guess. I try to learn what I can from a person. And when I'm done, I move on to the next lesson, the next person. I guess what's important about having heroes is the fact that they inspire us to emulate the things we admire in them the most. I think about the reasons I like Katherine so much. Mainly, it's because of the way she is--she's so easy going about life. She's what I hope to become one day--successful, and generous with people, and patient. Patience is the most important thing. That's definitely something my mother isn't. I've got to tell you what she did...she can be such a bitch. Last week, after I left here, I went over to Katherine's house and...well, she wasn't there. This is getting a little off the subject, but I'll get back to my mother in a minute. Anyway, I decided to wait for Katherine to get home, only I didn't know that she had gone away for Thanksgiving. So I was sitting there on the porch, waiting and waiting, when the police pulled up. One of her neighbors saw me and called them, thinking I was doing something suspicious, I guess.
Dr. Balis: Hmm.
Mr. Rozzi: Well, it was not as bad as it sounds. One of the cops recognized me. That felt great--I was being recognized by the police, real great! So they asked me what I was doing there and stuff like that. And I just told them the truth--I was waiting for Katherine, my friend, to get home. They told me someone thought I was trouble. Well, that is the story of my life. So this person called them out there, and the police came along and told me to go home. So I went back to Luke's condo and paged Katherine. Finally, she called me back and told me she was with her family for the holiday. She was pissed at me for leaving the way I did. She said I should have talked to her instead of just leaving like I did. I told her she was right.
Dr. Balis: Go on.
Mr. Rozzi: She told me how worried she was and how, as friends, we could have talked it out rather than approach the problem the drastic way that I did. And then she said what you and everyone else say: "I wish you'd stop and think before you acted." God, how many times do I have to hear that before it sinks in? Everything she said to me...she was totally right, and I told her so. Eventually, after some heavy sighs and stuff, things calmed down, and everything was cool between us again. But during our talk, Katherine told me what my mother did.
Dr. Balis: What did your mother do?
Mr. Rozzi: Yes, can you just imagine? The night I left Katherine's, my mother called for me and was told I wasn't there. The next morning, she called again, and Katherine told her that she didn't know where I was, that I moved out. Well, my mother thought Katherine was lying to her or something because that afternoon, my mother paid Katherine a little visit in her office at SII. Katherine said that she arrived pissed as hell and poised for a fight.
Dr. Balis: Hmm.
Mr. Rozzi: Typical. She accused Katherine of all kinds of stuff. She called her a liar and wanted to know what business Katherine had keeping a sixteen-year-old boy at her house--my mother was implying that we were having sex or something. But sixteen? My stupid mother doesn't even know how old I am! Katherine told her that I was seventeen. And she also told my mother that her accusations were totally ridiculous. It took a few tellings for that to sink in. Well, Katherine said that my mother slammed the door closed as she stormed out of Katherine's office. And then she turned around and went right back in the office--I could just picture the whole thing, it is so like my mother to cause a scene. She warned Katherine that if she was lying, she would find out the truth and there would be hell to pay. And then Katherine firmly but quietly said, "Larraine, get the hell out of my office. You have no right to be doing this." And my mom just left, of course she slammed the door again as she walked out. Katherine wasn't going to play my mom's high-school girl games, you know?
Dr. Balis: Hmm.
Mr. Rozzi: Yeah, leave it to my mother to create such a ruckus. Well, I apologized to Katherine, and not only for what my mother did but for the way I left, making her worry like that. That was so unfair. Katherine accepted my apology and promised she would still help me in any way she could. She even offered to help me find a more permanent place to stay, but I told her that I was okay where I am at the moment. I'll probably see her in the next few days. This thing with my mother really boiled my blood, but I was determined not to let it get the best of me, like normally.
Dr. Balis: That's good. So what happened on Thanksgiving?
Mr. Rozzi: This is the best part. I went over to my mother's house, like I planned on. I saw Mark and got to spend some time playing with little Aaron, that was fun. He's so cute and such a happy little baby. I wonder how long it will take for my mother to fuck him up?
Dr. Balis: Hmm.
Mr. Rozzi: So anyway, Luke came home from the East Coast, early Thanksgiving morning. His father was away, and his sister was in Southern California, so he came along with me to my mother's. Ralph was there, too, and so was my cousin Rosemarie. There was also this guy, this glam-queen. He was all made up with mascara, and dark blue hair, and a ruffled shirt. It was too much. So this guy is yet another of my family's secrets--he's Rosemarie's son, Ethan. He came from New York to be with us, but I didn't know anything about him. I saw the family resemblance right away. It turns out that he's only six months older than me.
Dr. Balis: Hmm.
Mr. Rozzi: I guess the Oscar Wilde gene runs in my family--I tell you this guy...well, you should have seen him. I was all, "Girl, you need to get over yourself!" Luke said there's a lot of people in New York who look like that. I was half expecting him to stand up and start singing Ziggy Stardust. Okay, so let me get to the point...Ethan has nothing to do with it by the way. I've only told you about him because...well, because there's something else there with him, something they still haven't told me.
Dr. Balis: Why do you think that?
Mr. Rozzi: Well, when I asked him where his father was, Rosemarie practically choked on her food, and my mother kicked Mark under the table. Not much gets past me in that house, I always have to be on my toes there anyway. Well, my mother turned pale. But Ethan said that he never knew his father and didn't even think about him--it didn't really matter to him, as if I'm supposed to believe that. But there was more to it, that's for sure. I just haven't figured it out yet. Anyway, after dinner, I did the dishes, while my mom and the girls cleared the table. My mom was actually nice to me, but then she had no idea that I knew about the thing with Katherine.
Dr. Balis: I see.
Mr. Rozzi: Well, my mom is only nice when she's trying to hide something or get something from you. And in this case, she was hiding this thing with Katherine. When the girls were out of the kitchen, I stopped my mom and told her quietly that I didn't appreciate her taking her bad mood out on Katherine, that it was not cool.
Dr. Balis: And how did she respond?
Mr. Rozzi: She hesitated for a minute--I think she was thinking of some excuse--but then she just said, "You're right, Alex." I was all, "Huh? Okay, who are you? And what have you done with my mother?" Don't laugh, that's really how it went down! We both just stayed calm and didn't fight. She said, "Look, Alex, I'm trying here, okay? I'm really trying to get along with you and understand you. You've got to give me some credit for that." I had to grab the counter to keep my knees from buckling, you know? Where in hell did that come from all of a sudden? So I said, "Okay, if you really want to try this time and get along, then I need you to go to Katherine and apologize for how you treated her. And, tell her it will never happen again."
Dr. Balis: Well, Alex...
Mr. Rozzi: I sort of surprised myself, too. She agreed to speak to Katherine first thing next week. I asked her why she had acted the way she did in the first place. And my mother said that she wanted to talk to me and thought that Katherine was covering for me, trying to keep us apart. I told my mother that Katherine wouldn't do something like that, that she's an honest person. And I told my mother that if she just gave people a chance before she jumped on them, then...well...uh, that's when I saw myself in her eyes.
Dr. Balis: What do you mean?
Mr. Rozzi: She and I are just alike. We're just a couple of hotheads, you know? I just laughed out loud, right there. And do you know what? My mom got it, too! We both were laughing our heads off, right there in the kitchen. Mark walked in on us, and the look on his face was priceless. He was so totally relieved. At least we came to some understanding, for once. And it was too cool. I think my mom and I reached an important point in our relationship.
Dr. Balis: Really? Hmm.
Mr. Rozzi: I think Katherine is rubbing off on me. Yeah, something like that. But wait, there's more! Here's the very best part. I saved it for last. While we were all sitting around the table, eating dessert, the telephone rang. And guess who it was?
Dr. Balis: Who?
Mr. Rozzi: Cecil! It was Cecil. He called to tell us that the police arrested someone for Benny's assault! I was wondering how long it would take them to find the guy. Cecil said that they will have the guy's arraignment hearing early this week. And Cecil will see the judge to ask about dropping the charges against me.
Dr. Balis: Do you know the person who is being charged with Benny's assault?
Mr. Rozzi: I don't know that much yet. Cecil doesn't know either, but we'll find out, and I can't wait. I don't have any idea who it could be or where the hell he came from. I only know that they got him, and that's all that matters to me right now. I feel so...uh, so vindicated, you know?
Dr. Balis: I'm glad, Alex. Things turned out pretty well.
Mr. Rozzi: I'll say! I had a lot to be thankful for this Thanksgiving, more than I ever could have imagined, way more! And I owe it all to you, dude.
Dr. Balis: Me? How is that?
Mr. Rozzi: Well, if you hadn't kept after me--the way you do about my temper and my habit of acting before thinking--then I don't think I would have handled this the way I did. I could have just attacked my mother at the Thanksgiving dinner, but I thought about it first and thought better of it.
Dr. Balis: Well, Alex, I'm glad you handled yourself so well and exercised judgment and restraint even under provocation. I am very proud of you for that. You should be proud, too.
Mr. Rozzi: It's great, isn't it? Wow! Look at the time, we went way over this time. I've got to go back to Luke's and take him to the airport.
Dr. Balis: You didn't tell me about Luke.
Mr. Rozzi: It's okay, that will wait. A little suspense won't hurt you! I'm out of here, dude!
Dr. Balis: Okay, Alex, I'll see you next week. Take care of yourself.
Mr. Rozzi: Later!
Arrow, Straight, Left, Earlier Arrow, Straight, Right, Later

Button to Dr. Balis' Notes Doctor Balis' Notes on this Session

Button to Alex Rozzi's Transcripts Transcripts of Alex Rozzi's Communications
Button to Alex Rozzi's Patient File Alex Rozzi's Patient File

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