Dear Dr. Balis:
I'm sorry that I did not keep our appointment today. I just had to get away for awhile. Jeff has been calling all week, leaving messages on the machine. I just can't talk to him right now. I still want to kill both of them, but I recognize that this is just a reaction to an extremely emotional trauma. I need some time alone to think about everything. I hope you understand.
The kids are staying with my folks. I told them not to let Jeff see the kids, but he knows where they are, and knows they are safe so I guess he's okay with that for now. If I told my father what was going on, he'd kill Jeff for me, then I wouldn't have to do it....but then I wouldn't have the pleasure of doing it myself.
I've taken up smoking again. Robby always hated when I smoked. I guess it's the stress. I'm eating the Xanax like it was candy. I hope that's not bad for me....but I'm in a really bad place right now. "Dazed and Confused." I'm numb yet I feel so much pain....nothing makes any sense to me.
I will call or write again soon.