Date: Wed, 9 Apr 1997 12:44:13 -0800 (PDT)
To: Balis@SIIComputers.com (Charles Balis, M.D.)
Subject: Hello from Peter
Dear Dr. Balis (i should write Charles, i know, but it didn't look right, somehow, even though we were on a first-name basis before. Maybe we have to get to know each other again...)
As the time when i would have been having a session with you comes and goes, i feel myself missing it more than i believed possible. i've been feeling terrible about so many things, and talking with you always helped. i don't know if you can do therapy by e-mail, but it's the best i can do right now; and in fact i have to pretend to be working while i'm doing this. You can charge the HMO for answering this e-mail, can't you? It's ok if you do, but please please don't send anything about it to my place or my computer at home. Replying to this address is ok and if you need any copayment from me i'll do it with cybercash- does this work for you?
i really hated having to tell you i couldn't come back; but with Her right there i had no choice, believe me. i feel i'm going behind Her back now, and She's got eyes in back of her head; She's going to know i did this. But i can't help it, even a foul degraded animal like me has an instinct for survival, and i'm like a spider going down the drain, whirling round and round, reaching desperately for a foothold as he's dragged down that slimy Hole.
Is this disloyalty? i owe Her so much- how else would i ever have learned about all the horrible things i'm responsible for? Who else could guide me through the mire that hangs over my Spirit? i know you were trying your best, but what do you know about the Astral Plane and what can happen out There? For you to try and help me would be the blind leading the blind. But the only thing She wants is what i can never pay.
Remember me calling you my Earth Anchor? Since i cut you loose i've been drifting, into Realms i never suspected, some of them more Awful than i could have imagined. But i know you are still there, i can feel your calm energy, and i can't help reaching out for it. She would call this my weakness, i realize, but She knows what a contemptible coward i am, so maybe She would understand.
The further i travel out of the dimension of so-called Normalcy, the more distant and trivial the things of this World are starting to appear. Don't these people realize their minds are just shadows, their bodies nothing but walking heaps of GARBAGE? When those 39 bold Souls left their husks behind; didn't anybody understand what they were DOING? It's all i can do to keep from SCREAMING, when i hear these morons i work with making stupid jokes about something so Sacred. Don't they realize they all are going to have to make that journey THEMSELVES? Shouldn't they drop whatever they're doing and start Preparing themselves? Shouldn't i? Evil as i am, at least i appreciate the seriousness of the situation. Or is this just Spiritual Pride?
Oh, another thing. She says that sometimes when i get into a deep sleep i suddenly go into a Prophetic Frenzy, talking in tongues, fluently. Some of it was Old High German, which i'd expect, given my Roots, but i was also speaking Akkadian and Aramaic, which means i'm getting to some very deep Levels. She says that these were the averting Prophesies that never were uttered in time, that have to be cleansed from my Past. i wanted her to write it down, but She told me i've got to let go of it, and in fact She's been waking me up every few hours so i don't get more Prophesy than i can deal with. Oh, and i've gotten from having to use my monitor for trance work to being able to get there with Meditation and brainwave control. So, some Progress to report...
Hoping to hear from you-