Transcript of 7th Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Mr. Decker Jenkins, Tuesday, October 14, 1997 at 11:00 am.

Dr. Balis: Hello, Decker. Please come in. I'm very sorry I'm so late--I got blocked in and couldn't get my car out all morning. Go ahead, have a seat. Decker? What's wrong? Are you all right?
Mr. Jenkins: It's 11:20, Doctor. Twenty minutes late! Just because I'm a schizophrenic, you can just shit all over me?
Dr. Balis: Decker, I assure you that I had no intention of causing any disrespect towards you. And I apologize if this has caused you to miss any other appointments...
Mr. Jenkins: It's just time, Doctor. It's just time.
Dr. Balis: I'm sorry, Decker, I don't understand.
Mr. Jenkins: Oh forget it, Doctor. No matter how I'll try to explain it to you, even you wouldn't be able to follow. Let's just get on with the rest of my story.
Dr. Balis: Decker, just relax for a moment. Catch your breath. Slow down a bit. Okay, good. Now, what's bothering you today?
Mr. Jenkins: What's bothering me?
Dr. Balis: Yes. What's bothering you? I realize that starting a session late could cause some frustration, but it shouldn't cause rage. Therefore, I believe that there is something else that is contributing to the rage I just witnessed. What is it?
Mr. Jenkins: You are pretty good at this therapist thing, Doctor. Although I don't think I would have called it rage.
Dr. Balis: Well, what would you call it, Decker?
Mr. Jenkins: Fury, maybe. But rage? That's's an evil word.
Dr. Balis: What is the difference between the words?
Mr. Jenkins: Rage gives the impression of a mad man. I just equate rage with death, I guess.
Dr. Balis: And with what do you equate fury?
Mr. Jenkins: Pure anger! Doctor, I have to tell you something, and I don't want you to think that I'm being disrespectful of you or your profession. This is honestly the first time that I've ever seen you act like a doctor. I see you psychoanalyzing my brain as we speak, and I answer your questions, and it's not becoming of you.
Dr. Balis: Hmm. That's interesting. I would, however, like to hear the answer to my initial question. What's bothering you, Decker?
Mr. Jenkins: Fair enough. I guess I'm just nervous. I have an appointment with someone later this afternoon about an apartment. I'm worried that the guy will think I'm just a little left of center and not lease the place to me.
Dr. Balis: Well, I think landlords are usually more interested in your financial situation. The guy might not even notice what color hair you have.
Mr. Jenkins: I don't have any hair.
Dr. Balis: See? And besides, you can make a very good first impression if you try. I know you can. So is there anything else? Is there something else bothering you?
Mr. Jenkins: I sure hope you're right. And yes, there is another thing that has been occupying my mind--my dad's coming tonight. He's staying at some fancy place downtown; I'm meeting him in the restaurant for dinner at eight. He's a nice man and all, but it's just that I don't know him and he wants to be my father. I haven't figured it out yet.
Dr. Balis: Well, it may take some time getting used to having a father. Why don't you tell me how you found him?
Mr. Jenkins: Well, after I found out his name, I began to think that I almost never was Decker Jenkins--I could have been Decker Parish or something else Parish, you know? And that felt very strange, almost like I didn't know myself. It turned the desire to find him and find out about that other part of myself--a self I didn't know--into a need to know more. But the more I thought about it, the more nervous I got. I even started losing my breath. It became very hard to focus on anything, and breathing was so hard. I thought I was going to die. Next thing I remember, I was sitting up against a tall building with all these people staring at me.
Dr. Balis: Hmm.
Mr. Jenkins: This lady with long red, almost orange, hair and bright red lipstick told me to breathe deep. She said I was hyperventilating. Anyway, that woman is another story that I'll save for later, but she got me to calm down. Her name was Pam, and I stayed with her while I was in Chicago. But like I said, that's another story. Anyway, she helped me track down dad. We found out that he lived in the Hancock Building on the 44th floor. We didn't have a phone number, so we just decided that I would go and knock on his door. I tried that. It wasn't that easy. First, they wouldn't let me into the elevator that went up to the apartments in the building. I couldn't convince the security guard guy who I was. He just kept telling me that he knew Mr. Parish didn't have a son or any visitors, for that matter. So that was problem number one.
Dr. Balis: Hmm. I would like to get back to the hyperventilating after you've finished your story.
Mr. Jenkins: Problem number two--he wasn't home. I finally convinced the security guard to call my dad, but he wasn't home. So I thought I'd wait. Well, the first fifteen minutes I waited, about a hundred people got on that elevator. Eighty percent of them were men--but none of them appeared to be my dad. I did this for about a week and decided that he was either out of town or the doormen had told him about me and now he was avoiding me. So I gave the doorman the number to Pam's apartment and asked him to give it to Mr. Parish the next time he saw him. It took about a month. I was ready to give up and come back here when a man called. He had a very deep voice and sounded rather important. He asked for me, and I told him that he had me. He then said he was my father. We met for dinner at some fancy restaurant. Pam helped me shop for the clothes that I needed for the place--shirt, tie, and those sort of things. I went to the restaurant and asked for Mr. Parish. The guy in the tux took me to a table where I was sitting--Mr. Parish was me! The guy looked just like me. I knew instantly he was my dad. And he acted like my father. It was very strange and very uncomfortable.
Dr. Balis: Hmm.
Mr. Jenkins: I spent about a week with him and learned some things about my life before I remember--all stuff that I'm sure will come out later. But enough about this, I don't really want to get too deep today. Next week, I'll tell you about Pam. That will really shock you, Doc. What did you think of my writing?
Dr. Balis: Your poetry? I thought it was very dark.
Mr. Jenkins: Yeah, it is that.
Dr. Balis: I think writing is a good way for you to express some of your feelings and emotions. I would like you to keep writing if you could.
Mr. Jenkins: Sure. Here is another one I wrote.
Dr. Balis: Thank you. Before we quit for today, I want to give a prescription for your medication.
Mr. Jenkins: Come on, Doc. I didn't even mention Simian today. He hasn't bothered me for a long time, not since Pam anyway.
Dr. Balis: That's good. But I still think it would be best if you returned to taking this medication on regular basis. Your outburst today is a clear example of that, don't you think?
Mr. Jenkins: I feel fine, Doctor Balis. I...
Dr. Balis: We had a deal.
Mr. Jenkins: All right. However, I don't need them. But if you think I need them...
Dr. Balis: Thank you, Decker. I'll see you next week.
Mr. Jenkins: Goodbye.
Arrow, Straight, Left, Earlier Arrow, Straight, Right, Later

Button to Dr. Balis' Notes Doctor Balis' Notes on this Session
Button to Decker Jenkins's Poems & Doodles Decker Jenkins' Poem Delivered at Session

Button to Decker Jenkins' Transcripts Transcripts of Decker Jenkins' Communications
Button to Decker Jenkins' Patient File Decker Jenkins' Patient File

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