Transcript of 29th Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Sharon Lough, Friday, August 14, 1998 at 10:00 am.

Ms. Lough: Fuck off, you asshole!
Driver: No wonder you're seeing a shrink! You're one crazy bitch!
Ms. Lough: You got that right! Hey, Einstein, is it a good idea to provoke a crazy person? Do you really want to piss off someone who's mentally unbalanced? I've got a hot flash for you: maybe it's not so smart. In fact, you could even call it incredibly fucking stupid!
Dr. Balis: What's going on here?
Driver: This crazy bitch keyed my car!
Ms. Lough: You're supposed to stop at a crosswalk, you bunghole! What's a matter? Is your brain as small as your tiny little dick? That's why you drive a big car, right? It's to compensate for your micro-size smegma-encrusted cheese doodle!
Dr. Balis: Sharon, please...
Driver: You picked the wrong dude to fuck with, lady.
Ms. Lough: Oh yeah? What are you going to do, beat up a cripple?
Driver: I'll fucking sue you, bitch!
Ms. Lough: Go ahead, the joke's on you! I don't have any money!
Dr. Balis: Sir, I need to ask you to leave.
Driver: This bitch is psycho, do you know that? You should give her shock treatments.
Ms. Lough: There's your shock treatment!
Dr. Balis: That's enough, Sharon. Sir, if you don't leave right now, I'll have to call the police.
Driver: Ah, fuck it. Fuck you too, you bitch!
Ms. Lough: Have a real meaningful day, asshole! Don't run over any cripples on your way home!
Dr. Balis: What happened?
Ms. Lough: He nearly ran over me! There was a stop sign at the intersection, and he didn't even slow down! He could have hit me!
Dr. Balis: So you keyed his car?
Ms. Lough: Yeah. I waited until he parked, then made a nasty scratch on the side of his sports utility vehicle. I hate people who drive SUVs--big gas-guzzling pieces of shit for knuckle-dragging simians with little dicks who couldn't get laid in a morgue if they tried. It was purple, for god's sake! He deserved it.
Dr. Balis: Sharon, I think it's time to work on your anger management skills.
Ms. Lough: He was wrong, not me! Cripples have the right of way.
Dr. Balis: Even if he was wrong, that doesn't give you the right to deface his car or spit in his face.
Ms. Lough: He got what he deserved. He ran a stop sign and nearly ran me over, too. I hope his big fucking purple shit box tips over on the way home and he breaks his head. That'll learn him.
Dr. Balis: You're overreacting, Sharon.
Ms. Lough: He almost ran over me! He broke the law! He could have killed me!
Dr. Balis: Sharon, I think you would benefit from learning how to defuse your emotions so you don't become apoplectic over every minor daily annoyance. Remember what happened with Josh?
Ms. Lough: He was the one who attacked me.
Dr. Balis: You provoked him, Sharon. You threw hot coffee on him. You could have walked away or ignored him. I don't condone what Josh did to you, but you did attack him first. And look at the result--you were seriously hurt. If you continue lashing out at people, you can get hurt again.
Ms. Lough: Hmm.
Dr. Balis: I have a cassette of relaxation exercises that are used in anger management programs. I'd like you to listen to this at least once a day; it's a short tape. Many people find that it helps to relieve stress. Will you give this a try?
Ms. Lough: You're trying to brainwash me with that oogity-boogity New Age crap, just like Godzilla. Do you sell these things on the side to drum up extra income?
Dr. Balis: It's a commercial tape; the voice on it won't be mine. It's a guided relaxation exercise designed to defuse negative emotions. After listening to the tape a few times, try to guide yourself into a relaxation state without it. You can use this technique in situations when you feel your emotions are out of control.
Ms. Lough: Hmm.
Dr. Balis: I'd like you to try a relaxation exercise right now.
Ms. Lough: Is this a form of hypnosis?
Dr. Balis: It's a similar technique. Are you comfortable?
Ms. Lough: Yeah.
Dr. Balis: You're still quite angry, aren't you? This will help you to calm down.
Ms. Lough: I kind of like being pumped up from all that adrenaline. It's better than caffeine.
Dr. Balis: That sensation you're describing is as addictive and dangerous as a chemical dependency. Rage feeds upon itself; you create a vicious cycle when you obsess over events that make you angry. It's unhealthy, too. I'm sure you know of diseases and ailments that perpetually angry people are prone to. I really want you to give this a try, Sharon.
Ms. Lough: Okay.
Dr. Balis: I want you to get comfortable. Find a position that's comfortable for you.
Ms. Lough: How about doggie style?
Dr. Balis: Sharon...
Ms. Lough: Yeah, you're right, it's hard on my knees.
Dr. Balis: Make yourself comfortable and close your eyes.
Ms. Lough: You're not going to try and cop a feel, are you?
Dr. Balis: No, Sharon.
Ms. Lough: Damn. Okay, I am getting very, very sleepy...
Dr. Balis: Please be serious. I'd like you to breathe slowly and deeply. Fill your lungs with air and exhale through your mouth.
Ms. Lough: Are you checking out my heaving bosom?
Dr. Balis: Breathe, Sharon.
Ms. Lough: Okay. Mmm.
Dr. Balis: I'm going to give you a series of instructions. I want you to follow them exactly.
Ms. Lough: I love it when your voice takes on that dominant tone.
Dr. Balis: Sharon, please.
Ms. Lough: How do I know you won't take advantage of my vulnerable state?
Dr. Balis: I've always been ethical in my dealings with you, Sharon. Do you feel you can trust me?
Ms. Lough: Yes, your thrust...I mean your trust fills me, rendering my mind moist and malleable, opening up to the penetrating force of your probing analytical skills.
Dr. Balis: Sharon, please.
Ms. Lough: Oh, probe me, Charlie baby, probe me long and hard...
Dr. Balis: Sharon!
Ms. Lough: I'm sorry, I just...I feel funny doing this. Okay, okay. I'm breathing deeply.
Dr. Balis: Do you feel your heartbeat slowing?
Ms. Lough: Mmm, yes.
Dr. Balis: I want you to clear all the thoughts out of your head.
Ms. Lough: I'm all clear now.
Dr. Balis: Good. Starting from your feet, tense and relax your toes. Do it twice. Then move up to your shins: tense and relax, tense and relax.
Ms. Lough: Doctor Balis?
Dr. Balis: Yes?
Ms. Lough: Is it in yet?
Dr. Balis: Sharon! If you don't want to do this...
Ms. Lough: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I couldn't resist. I can't tense up the muscles in my feet or lower legs--it hurts too much.
Dr. Balis: I'd forgotten about that. Let's try it again, shall we? And this time no interruptions.
Ms. Lough: Okay.
Dr. Balis: Breathe deeply. Relax your body. Start at a body part you can tense and relax without pain and work your way up.
Ms. Lough: I wish you hadn't reminded me of my flabby thighs.
Dr. Balis: Focus, Sharon. Tense the muscles, hold, and then let go and move to the next muscle group.
Ms. Lough: Mmm.
Dr. Balis: Focus on a soothing white light in your mind's eye.
Ms. Lough: Mmm.
Dr. Balis: Do you see it?
Ms. Lough: Yes.
Dr. Balis: Focus on the white light. Keep breathing deeply as you tense and relax your muscles.
Ms. Lough: Mmm.
Dr. Balis: Keep breathing.
Ms. Lough: Mmm-hmm.
Dr. Balis: You may open your eyes now.
Ms. Lough: That's it? You didn't even try to grope me. I'm very disappointed in you, Doctor Balis.
Dr. Balis: Do you feel more relaxed now?
Ms. Lough: Yeah, I do. I really do. I feel a lot calmer.
Dr. Balis: You can use this and other techniques on the tape to help gain control of your emotions in stressful situations.
Ms. Lough: Sometimes when I get angry, I can't control it. It's like I'm possessed. I do crazy, violent things sometimes. And by the time I realize it, it's too late.
Dr. Balis: There's usually a window period, a brief moment when you realize what you're doing. That moment is a good time to take a breather and to step back or to walk away.
Ms. Lough: Okay.
Dr. Balis: How have you been otherwise?
Ms. Lough: Our cat, Groucho, attacked Rob last weekend. There was a stray cat in the yard--a big orange tomcat we call Trash Can. Groucho and Trash Can were hissing at each other through the screen door. When Groucho began climbing the screen, Rob picked him up and Groucho bit him. It was a nasty bite. Groucho sank his fangs deep into Rob's hand and shook his head from side to side. Rob practically threw him against the wall to make him let go. There was blood everywhere.
Dr. Balis: My goodness. Did Rob see a doctor?
Ms. Lough: No, he didn't think he needed to, because the wound didn't need stitches. But several days later, Rob noticed his right hand--the one that was bitten--was stiff and painful. I didn't think cat bites could inflict so much damage.
Dr. Balis: Animal bites can be serious, even from domestic animals. Their mouths are breeding grounds for bacteria. Has Groucho had all his shots?
Ms. Lough: Yes, Rob's very conscientious about that. He'll take that fucking useless bag of feline entrails to the vet, but won't drive me to the hospital when his breed sow ex-wife squashes my foot.
Dr. Balis: I'm glad you're not bitter about that.
Ms. Lough: Very funny. I'm surprised Groucho would do such a thing, he's usually a good-natured cat.
Dr. Balis: Groucho was probably upset by the stray cat at the back door. Male cats can be very territorial, even after neutering.
Ms. Lough: Maybe I should bring them both in, and you can guide them through the relaxation exercises. You'll teach them to channel their anger towards constructive goals, like destroying the plants in the backyard.
Dr. Balis: From my limited experience with felines, I've found it's almost impossible to teach them anything.
Ms. Lough: Yeah, you have a point there.
Dr. Balis: Sharon, I want you to listen to that tape at least once a week, more if possible. The relaxation exercises are easy to do and they're very effective. If you practice the exercise regularly, you'll notice it'll become easier to control your outbursts.
Ms. Lough: I hope that tape isn't full of subliminal messages like: "You will give Doctor Balis a blow job at your next session."
Dr. Balis: No, the subliminal message specifies a pastrami sandwich from the Carnegie Deli in New York.
Ms. Lough: Do you want fries with that?
Dr. Balis: Coleslaw, please.
Ms. Lough: How about something to drink?
Dr. Balis: Coke will be fine, thanks.
Ms. Lough: Pepsi okay?
Dr. Balis: Perhaps a cream soda. Sharon, we're out of time.
Ms. Lough: Damn, I was just starting to get into this role-playing game. "Customer and deli-clerk"--it's even more fun than "master and servant" or "patient and therapist."
Dr. Balis: Have a good week, Sharon.
Ms. Lough: You too. Bye.
Dr. Balis: Goodbye, Sharon.
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