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Dr. Balis:
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Hello, Lenore. How are you?
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Ms. Marconi:
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Uh, okay, I guess.
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Dr. Balis:
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How do you like it here?
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Ms. Marconi:
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Well, it's different from what I expected.
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Dr. Balis:
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How so?
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Ms. Marconi:
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It's kind of like a college dorm, except some of the people walk around naked and talk to themselves. I'm sharing a room with an elderly Russian woman. I think she was put here against her will by her daughter. She cries all the time. It's really sad.
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Dr. Balis:
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I see.
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Ms. Marconi:
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The nurses are nice...well, most of them. There's cable TV in the main room.
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Dr. Balis:
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Is there anything you need?
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Ms. Marconi:
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Hmm, no, thank you.
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Dr. Balis:
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Are you sure?
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Ms. Marconi:
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Yes, I'm okay.
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Dr. Balis:
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Lenore, it's been some time since your last encounter with Herb. I was wondering if we could talk a bit about what happened that night. Is it okay?
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Ms. Marconi:
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I don't know where to start.
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Dr. Balis:
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Last time we spoke, you were in the police station. You were arrested for biting off Herbert's penis. After talking with you and the police, I called to make arrangements for you to be admitted into this hospital. Tell me what has been happening to you since.
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Ms. Marconi:
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Well, they taped up the cut on my head. Now it looks like there's going to be a big scar, kind of like Frankenstein.
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Dr. Balis:
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I see. I think it will fade more with time.
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Ms. Marconi:
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They checked me and...uh, I was bleeding from...uh, from down there. I was afraid I would lose the baby, but I didn't. I was bleeding because I...uh, because I was all torn up down there, from what Herb did...
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Dr. Balis:
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I see. How far along are you in your pregnancy?
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Ms. Marconi:
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I'm not sure. The doctor said it looked like about seven months now. He also said that I...I have...uh...oh, this is so gross...
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Dr. Balis:
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Please continue.
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Ms. Marconi:
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I have genital warts. The doctor said it was caused by a virus, HPV. At first, I thought they meant HIV, the AIDS virus, but HPV is the Human Papilloma Virus. But I guess you don't need me to tell you that--you're a doctor, you already know. I must have caught it from Herb. I haven't been with anyone else. Herb said he had them a long time ago, but was treated and cured. I have a really bad case; they've spread all over my insides. The baby will probably have them, too. The doctor said that babies can get polyps on their vocal chords if the mother has HPV.
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Dr. Balis:
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Genital warts have a tendency to flare up during pregnancy. What else did the doctor say?
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Ms. Marconi:
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He said I had a mild concussion. That's probably why my head hurt. One of the nurses said they had to report domestic violence, but I didn't want to press charges.
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Dr. Balis:
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Were most of those injuries from Herb's assault on you in early November?
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Ms. Marconi:
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The concussion and some other things...
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Dr. Balis:
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When you talked to me back then, you promised to go the emergency room and then straight to a shelter. Why did you go back to Herb?
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Ms. Marconi:
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I did go to the shelter. I spent the next few weeks there.
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Dr. Balis:
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When did you return to the Herb's apartment?
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Ms. Marconi:
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I know I wasn't supposed to go back by myself, but I needed to get some things. I decided to go to the apartment on a Friday night. I didn't think he'd be home. He's still into that vampire role-playing, he likes to get dressed up and go out. And he also goes to these parties to sell...well, you know.
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Dr. Balis:
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I know that Herb sells drugs. Was Herb at home?
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Ms. Marconi:
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He wasn't home when I first got there. When he came in, I was putting my things into a bag. He took the bag from me and told me to make him a drink. I didn't want to start any trouble, so I did what he asked. He drank, and smoked, and watched TV for a while. He told me to sit on the couch, and then he pushed me down, and...uh, I'm sorry. I...
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Dr. Balis:
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Let me get you some tissues.
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Ms. Marconi:
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Thank you.
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Dr. Balis:
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Did Herb force himself on you again?
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Ms. Marconi:
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He's done that before, lots of times. I used to try and fight it, but it was easier to lay there and wait for it to be over. The last couple of times he...uh, he...
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Dr. Balis:
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That's all right, take your time.
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Ms. Marconi:
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I had to tell this to the police, too. I have to keep telling this story over and over again. I cry every time.
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Dr. Balis:
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It's all right, Lenore. Did Herb make you do?
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Ms. Marconi:
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He did it, you know, the normal way. And then he did it the other way. It really hurt, it hurt a lot. I never got used to it. Before he was finished, he took it out and told me...uh, he told me he wanted it in my mouth. I didn't want to, because...you know. He grabbed my hair and forced it all the way into my mouth. I started to gag, I almost threw up. He kept shoving it in my throat and pulling me by my hair. While he did it, he called me a bitch and a whore. Then, all of a sudden, I realized how much I hated him, how I much wished he were dead. I felt all the anger and hate building up inside me until I couldn't stand it any more. That's when I did it--I bit down as hard as I could.
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Dr. Balis:
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What happened after that?
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Ms. Marconi:
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Herb screamed and fell back on the couch. I ran outside and sat on the steps in front of the building until the ambulance came. The police took me to the station.
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Dr. Balis:
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What was going through your mind at that time?
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Ms. Marconi:
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I felt numb and calm, like I was in a dream. I didn't even realize I still had it in my mouth. The police took me to the station, and I waited a long time in a jail cell, until they brought me out to talk to you on the phone.
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Dr. Balis:
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Were you examined by a doctor that night?
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Ms. Marconi:
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Yes, I did what you said--that part about not cleaning up or going to the bathroom. The doctor saw the bleeding, and he put something on a slide. They took my clothes, too. They said it was evidence because of the bloodstains.
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Dr. Balis:
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I see. How does it make you feel to talk about it now?
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Ms. Marconi:
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It's like I relive it each time I talk about it. I wish I didn't have to keep telling people what happened. I feel like it was my fault--I went back there when I wasn't supposed to. I'm afraid of what will happen now. Am I going to jail?
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Dr. Balis:
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I can't say for certain right now. You need to find an attorney and tell him everything that happened. Are you planning to press charges against Herb?
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Ms. Marconi:
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I don't know. I'm not sure if I can do that.
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Dr. Balis:
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Herb assaulted you numerous times, the emergency room records bear that out. You need to consult with an attorney about that, too. Legal Aid provides assistance at a sliding scale. You should give them a call after you're released from here.
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Ms. Marconi:
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When am I getting out of here?
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Dr. Balis:
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I'd like you to stay for a few more weeks. You've suffered a serious emotional and physical trauma. If you could stay here until the baby is born...
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Ms. Marconi:
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But my job--I've probably lost it already. It's been so long...
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Dr. Balis:
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Lenore, you've been through a traumatic ordeal, and you and your baby need time to recover. You could tell your employer that you've been hospitalized; you don't need to reveal all the details. Here, have another Kleenex.
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Ms. Marconi:
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It's probably too late already--I've been here for almost two months, I think. You must think I'm terrible.
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Dr. Balis:
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No, Lenore, I don't think that at all. What makes you say that?
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Ms. Marconi:
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I'm...I did all these bad things.
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Dr. Balis:
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You've been thrust into a difficult situation at a very young age. Many adults wouldn't know how to handle themselves in these circumstances.
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Ms. Marconi:
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I feel so stupid. I've ruined the baby's life, too. It would have been okay if I only ruined my own...
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Dr. Balis:
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The doctors told me that your baby seems to be fine. And if there's something wrong...
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Ms. Marconi:
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I couldn't stand it if it got hurt because of me. Sometimes I wonder if it might be dead. It feels like I'm carrying a dead weight inside me.
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Dr. Balis:
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You're not. Didn't you have an ultrasound while you were here?
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Ms. Marconi:
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Yes. It was so small. It was strange to see it's heart beat--it doesn't feel real.
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Dr. Balis:
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Can you feel the baby move?
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Ms. Marconi:
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Sometimes, although I'm never sure if it's not just me--just my stomach doing something. What happened to Herb?
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Dr. Balis:
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They were able to reattach it, and he seems to be recovering okay.
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Ms. Marconi:
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Did you talk to him? How did he sound?
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Dr. Balis:
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He sounded all right. Do you want to see Herb again?
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Ms. Marconi:
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No! No, I don't.
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Dr. Balis:
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Hmm.
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Ms. Marconi:
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Was that a bad thing to say?
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Dr. Balis:
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Frankly, I'm relieved. I'd like you to stay away from him.
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Ms. Marconi:
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Okay.
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Dr. Balis:
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Lenore, is there anything else you would like to talk about?
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Ms. Marconi:
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Are you leaving now?
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Dr. Balis:
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I can stay a little longer. Would you like that?
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Ms. Marconi:
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Yes.
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Dr. Balis:
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All right.
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Ms. Marconi:
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I guess I better think of something to talk about. I'm glad you came to see me. I don't have a lot of people to talk to here.
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Dr. Balis:
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How about the psychiatrists and counselors here? Are doing therapy?
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Ms. Marconi:
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I kind of...I have a hard time with them.
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Dr. Balis:
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Do you find it easier to talk to me?
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Ms. Marconi:
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Yes.
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Dr. Balis:
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Why are you crying?
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Ms. Marconi:
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I don't know. That's stupid, isn't it?
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Dr. Balis:
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No, it's all right. Have you had a chance to get to know the other patients here?
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Ms. Marconi:
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No. They're kind of...uh, this isn't going to be very nice, but some of them have problems. They're kind of creepy.
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Dr. Balis:
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I see.
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Ms. Marconi:
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That must sound funny coming from me, after what I did. I hope they don't know.
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Dr. Balis:
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That's confidential. No one but the doctors will know unless you tell them.
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Ms. Marconi:
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It's hard to be around people like that when you feel like you're not in your right mind.
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Dr. Balis:
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Is that how you feel? Do you feel like you're not in your right mind?
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Ms. Marconi:
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Yes, kind of. I lie in bed and pretend this is not really happening. This is all just a bad dream.
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Dr. Balis:
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Where would you like to be when you wake up?
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Ms. Marconi:
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In your office.
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Dr. Balis:
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Hmm.
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Ms. Marconi:
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Nothing bad happens there.
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Dr. Balis:
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I see.
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Ms. Marconi:
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That doesn't make sense, does it?
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Dr. Balis:
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It does. Unfortunately, I can't treat you. I'm Herb's therapist. But after you're released from here, I can help you find a psychiatrist that you feel comfortable with. Okay?
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Ms. Marconi:
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Yes, I would like that.
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Dr. Balis:
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All right.
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Ms. Marconi:
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Doctor Balis?
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Dr. Balis:
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Yes?
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Ms. Marconi:
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What's going to happen to me when I get out of here? Where will I go? Will I go to jail?
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Dr. Balis:
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That depends. I know you're worried about that, Lenore, but I can't answer those questions right now. I'm hoping you won't go to jail. The city of San Francisco does have a system of what they call "halfway houses." It's a government-subsidized program that provides shared housing on a temporary basis. You can stay in a halfway house until you find something more permanent. I think you'll qualify for that program. The social workers at the hospital will help you with that when it's time.
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Ms. Marconi:
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I was afraid if I didn't go to jail, I'd end up homeless. I can't go back to Herb's place.
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Dr. Balis:
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I don't think you'll be homeless; I'll try to find something for you. And I don't want you to go back to that apartment again, understand?
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Ms. Marconi:
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Okay.
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Dr. Balis:
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Good. Well, I really need to be going now. I'll contact you when you're out. Take care of yourself and your baby, Lenore. You'll be okay.
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Ms. Marconi:
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Okay. Thanks for coming, Doctor.
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Dr. Balis:
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You're welcome. Goodbye, Lenore.
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Ms. Marconi:
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Bye bye.
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###
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Doctor Balis' Notes on this Conversation
Transcripts of Herbert Michel's Communications
