Transcript of 6th Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Anna Green, Thursday, August 8, 1996 at 4 pm.

Ms. Green: Hello, Doctor. How are you today?
Dr. Balis: Hello, Ms. Green. I'm well, thank you. And you?
Ms. Green: I'm having a low energy day. But I'm sleeping much better now. The melatonin pills definitely work although they take a little while to kick in.
Dr. Balis: Melatonin is not a sleeping pill so its effects are gradual. I'm glad they work for you. Do you feel like you were able to stabilize your sleep patterns?
Ms. Green: I think so. I get home at around seven and have dinner. I've been taking the pills sometime around nine thirty, ten o'clock. I think I fall asleep by eleven and I am able to wake up at eight. I know it is nine hours of sleep, but I'm so tired lately. Maybe I'm catching up on the sleep I lost in the last couple of months.
Dr. Balis: I think it's good that you are getting more rest.
Ms. Green: Yeah, I'm feeling a lot more human.
Dr. Balis: We left off kind of abruptly last time. We agreed that we would talk about your inability to say no to unwanted sexual advances. I thought a good way to start would be talk about your early sexual experiences and perhaps your relationship with Bill. What do you think, Ms. Green?
Ms. Green: I's sounds okay. When should I start?
Dr. Balis: Try to think back to some of the earliest memories you have that you think are somehow sexual in nature.
Ms. Green: Like my first kiss?
Dr. Balis: For example. But I don't mean anything so explicit. Just episodes in your life that feel or have a sexual undertone.
Ms. Green: Hmm. I remember when I was very young, I don't exactly remember how old, maybe three? I walked into the bathroom when my grandfather was taking a shower. I didn't think it was a big deal and he didn't notice me come in. I think I left a toy on the bathroom floor. I got the toy and left. Later my parents and grandparents were talking about something, I couldn't really follow the conversation. But at one point they were talking about naked people. And I said that I saw one. They all got so excited. They asked me where and whom did I see. So I told them. I remember them laughing sort of funny and talking loudly after that. I don't really know what about. But I understood that it was an important thing that happened to me. In retrospect, I don't think I would have remembered the naked grandfather episode at all if it wasn't for everybody being so weird about it.
Dr. Balis: Sounds like your parents were embarrassed. Did they ever talk to you about sex?
Ms. Green: No. Never did. They were always very strange about it. One time when I was about four, my dad got very upset with me and I couldn't understand why. He spoke angrily with me and then pointed to my sweater. I was wearing a skirt with buttons on suspenders. The skirt was a little too big and the suspender buttons ended up being next to my nipples. My dad asked what I was hiding under my sweater like that. I said nothing. So he picked up my sweater and saw that it was only the buttons and got very apologetic. I remembered the incident very clearly even though it wasn't for a few years that I figured out why he was so upset. He thought that I was pretending to have breasts or something.
Dr. Balis: What made you think that that is what your dad thought?
Ms. Green: I saw a Little House on the Prairie episode when Laura put apples in her dress to look like she had breasts. It made me remember my dad and the suspender buttons. Actually, I remember a couple of sex-related conversations with my dad.
Dr. Balis: Would you like to tell me about them?
Ms. Green: Sure. I think they are rather funny. When I was a kid, I thought my dad was like a God--all perfect, you know? Well I thought when I grow up it would make sense that I would marry him. I thought about it a lot. But one thing bothered me--what to do about Mom? So one day I asked him what we were going to do when we got married. He didn't understand me at first. I just assumed that he thought we'd get married too. So I went on to explain that I wanted to know what we were going to do with Mom after we got married.
Dr. Balis: What did you father say?
Ms. Green: He just laughed, I think. I don't think I ever got an answer. At least I don't remember it. But I remember the conversation and I also remember that afterwards I knew that I shouldn't ask this question again.
Dr. Balis: Why did you think that?
Ms. Green: It was just the way my dad reacted. I'm not sure exactly. I just knew.
Dr. Balis: Did you ever ask your parents about sex?
Ms. Green: I think I must have at one time. But it was when I was very young and I learned quickly that it was not a good idea.
Dr. Balis: What did your parents say or do?
Ms. Green: I don't exactly remember. I just have these snippets of memories but nothing too coherent until I was much older.
Dr. Balis: Can you tell me some of the snippets?
Ms. Green: I remember touching myself when I was very young. I don't remember whether it felt good or not. I think I was just interested, you know?
Dr. Balis: That's perfectly natural.
Ms. Green: I remember I came to my dad once and told him about this theory that I had. I thought that my tongue just continued straight through my body and the end of the tongue was sticking out of my vagina. It felt like a little tongue to me, you know? So I explained this whole new idea of body anatomy to my dad.
Dr. Balis: How did he react?
Ms. Green: I don't know. I just don't remember. I remember telling him but I don't remember anything after that.
Dr. Balis: You keep describing incidents with your dad. How about your experience with your mother?
Ms. Green: I don't think I had many. I sort of think that she thought that it was dirty. That's pretty much all I remember. You know, I didn't even tell her when my period started for the first time.
Dr. Balis: Why not?
Ms. Green: I didn't think she would be interested, I guess.
Dr. Balis: How did you learn about menstruation?
Ms. Green: From the girls in the locker room. They were talking about it one day and I happened to overhear.
Dr. Balis: Did it scare you?
Ms. Green: No. I thought it was normal. You know, eventually my mother found out. I was using all her pads. She came to me all upset about it. She said I should have told her. But I didn't understand why she cared so much. It wasn't a real big deal, you know? Everyone gets them. I mean all women do.
Dr. Balis: How old were you when you had your first boyfriend?
Ms. Green: I was a late bloomer. I first started to go out when I was seventeen.
Dr. Balis: First year of college?
Ms. Green: Well, the summer before. We met during the admissions process. He was a very nice guy.
Dr. Balis: Did you have sex?
Ms. Green: Doctor, so many questions! No, we did not have sex. I was very romantic then and thought that I would wait until I got married, like my mom did.
Dr. Balis: But you didn't wait with Bill.
Ms. Green: No. I don't know. With Bill it just sort of happened, you know?
Dr. Balis: No. What do you mean?
Ms. Green: I am not sure really. First we just did a lot of touching. It was very exciting and I liked it a lot. And then I remember sitting on his lap with my panties down. We weren't doing it. But it was really close.
Dr. Balis: Was your first time with Bill?
Ms. Green: Not exactly. He believed it was.
Dr. Balis: Did you tell him it was?
Ms. Green: No. But I made him believe it was true. It sort of kept our relationship from progressing in that way too fast. Not that it helped for a long time.
Dr. Balis: When was your first time?
Ms. Green: It was with a boy...a man named Reed. I was in my second year in college and he was a senior. We were both taking an anthropology class. We always sat together in class and during lab. And sometimes after school we would go out for pizza. At the end of the semester, he was going to graduate and I would never see him again--he got this great job on the East coast. We were saying our goodbyes know Doctor, it sort of happened. But once we got to that point it really hurt a lot and I had to stop. He kept telling me it was all right. But it wasn't. I was really bleeding and it freaked me out. I mean, the whole thing. Remember, I was going to wait until I got married. So I just ran away. The next day I felt so embarrassed, that I never wanted to see him again and was very glad that he was leaving town.
Dr. Balis: Did he try to talk to you?
Ms. Green: Oh, yes. He called several times a day for a couple of days. My parents thought I was nuts. But I didn't want to talk to him.
Dr. Balis: So your encounter with Reed was the only one before you met Bill. Is that correct?
Ms. Green: Yes. I guess this makes me very weird, right? Everyone I know has had so many men. But I...I just don't know.
Dr. Balis: There is nothing wrong with making a decision not to have sex.
Ms. Green: Oh I know, Doctor. But other people still think it's somehow wrong or abnormal. Especially men. You don't know how many times I had "all adults have sex, so there must be something wrong with you" conversations. I think we are out of time, Doctor.
Dr. Balis: Yes, you're right. Shell we meet the same time next week?
Ms. Green: Okay. Thursday the 15th at 4 pm.
Dr. Balis: Are you looking at the calendar? Okay, I'll see you then, Ms. Green. Remember, I'm always here for you if you need to talk, so don't hesitate to call.
Ms. Green: Thank you, Doctor. Goodbye.
Dr. Balis: Goodbye, Ms. Green.
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