Transcript of 75th Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Anna Green, Thursday, April 2, 1998 at 4:00 pm.

Dr. Balis: Hello, Anna. Please come in. How are you today?
Ms. Green: Oh, I don't know.
Dr. Balis: How's work?
Ms. Green: It's good, as far as the project is concerned. We're basically done and don't have much to do. They'll be making the grand announcement sometime next week, I think. There still might be some problems with the code in some very obscure circumstances, but I think it's pretty sound at this point. We'll see.
Dr. Balis: That's good. So I guess you're no longer living in the programmers' lounge.
Ms. Green: No. And after I took David to the S&M club, it wasn't a good idea any more.
Dr. Balis: Why not?
Ms. Green: David is the "kiss and tell" type. I think he was on the phone spreading the word about my alternative lifestyle minutes after he got home that night. Now, I'm the local expert on whipping and pleasure through pain and body mutilation.
Dr. Balis: I see.
Ms. Green: And it's not like I'm the only one at SII that's doing it. I bet there are quite a few S&Mers working there, and I don't even count Martin. And I have far fewer artificial body holes then some of the other people in my department, David included.
Dr. Balis: Hmm?
Ms. Green: I just have pierced ears, and that was my mom's idea.
Dr. Balis: Ah.
Ms. Green: David has three holes in one ear alone. And god only knows what and where some of the other places might be.
Dr. Balis: So your whole department knows that you belong to an S&M club?
Ms. Green: They do now.
Dr. Balis: I thought that you told some of your friends before...
Ms. Green: No. Caren and Greg knew. The others just thought that Martin was weird. I don't think I'll be able to spend another night on that couch.
Dr. Balis: Why not?
Ms. Green: Julian came to talk to me about safe sex. And what does he know about it? He's been married for almost ten years.
Dr. Balis: What did he talk to you about?
Ms. Green: He told me that he thought it wasn't for me. He said that I'm not the type of girl that should be involved with that "I tie you up and have my way with you" sex stuff. But the only thing he knows about S&M is what he saw in some porno movie once. He has no idea. But he felt it his duty to try and warn me off it. David is such an idiot. I really thought he knew better. Now I'm going to have people ask me stupid questions for years.
Dr. Balis: Does it make you uncomfortable?
Ms. Green: Well, as I said, I won't be staying there overnight for some time.
Dr. Balis: I see.
Ms. Green: It will pass, but really...
Dr. Balis: How's your home life?
Ms. Green: I think Martin and Kathy know that I won't be around for much longer.
Dr. Balis: Have you told them anything?
Ms. Green: No, not really. But I've been avoiding them both, and they both tried to talk to me.
Dr. Balis: What did they want?
Ms. Green: Martin told me that he never felt about a person the way he feels about me. I guess he was trying to tell me he loved me, but he never quite said it. He said that he feels like I'm trying to separate myself emotionally from him. What was his first clue?
Dr. Balis: Was he trying to talk you into staying with him?
Ms. Green: I'm not sure. It felt more like goodbye.
Dr. Balis: I see. And what about Kathy?
Ms. Green: She was a lot more freaked out about losing me. In a way, I sort of wish that Martin was reacting the way she is.
Dr. Balis: What do you mean?
Ms. Green: Two months ago, we were talking about getting married. And now, the guy hardly seems upset that he might be losing me forever. It's very strange. I feel like I have more remorse about this relationship ending than he does.
Dr. Balis: Do you think that you were more emotionally involved in the relationship than Martin was?
Ms. Green: I guess I was. Maybe this is all the aftershock of Kathy's baby thing. But I almost feel like Martin would be relieved to see me go.
Dr. Balis: Will Martin stay with Kathy after you're gone?
Ms. Green: I didn't ask.
Dr. Balis: What do you think?
Ms. Green: It's not my responsibility to make sure that Kathy's happy.
Dr. Balis: Is Kathy asking you for something?
Ms. Green: She said that she would do anything if I stayed. And...
Dr. Balis: Yes?
Ms. Green: I almost got a feeling that she was going to threaten me with hurting herself.
Dr. Balis: Did she say something to you?
Ms. Green: No, not really. But I felt like our conversation was quickly going in that direction, so I ran out on her.
Dr. Balis: Did she try to approach you again?
Ms. Green: I'm trying not give her the opportunity. She apparently doesn't want to talk to me in front of Martin. So as long as I maneuver myself right, I can stay out of trouble, although she did try to come to me in the middle of the night.
Dr. Balis: What happened then?
Ms. Green: Well, our sleeping arrangements are that I sleep in the bedroom that Martin and I used to occupy, Kathy sleeps in the other bedroom, and Martin gets the couch. When Kathy came into my bed to talk, I insisted on going to the bathroom first--nature called. I made tons of noise and made sure that Martin was up for the discussion. Kathy chickened out.
Dr. Balis: I see. Are you still planning on moving out next week?
Ms. Green: I'm planning.
Dr. Balis: Are you going to?
Ms. Green: My dad said that he knows someone in the city with an unused in-law unit. He's coming up this weekend to introduce me and show me the place. So it might happen. And I'll be going on a company vacation in a week or so.
Dr. Balis: So you talked to your parents about moving out?
Ms. Green: They think that it's all their idea--that by using their powers of persuasion, they've managed to save their daughter from a monstrous situation. They are very happy.
Dr. Balis: And how do you feel?
Ms. Green: I still don't know. I think I do better when I'm in a relationship or at least when there's a possibility of a relationship. Right now, when I think about it, I just get this horrible empty feeling inside. It makes me almost nauseous. But, at the same time, when I think of what could have been...I don't know. It's a no win situation. I will miss Martin. And in some sick way, I'll miss Kathy.
Dr. Balis: Really?
Ms. Green: I realized that I've been relying on Kathy for conversation for almost a year. I used to tell her all the stuff that I couldn't share with anyone else. There was nothing that was going to shock her, and she made everything--no matter how outlandish--seem within the norm.
Dr. Balis: I can see how that would be valuable. But Kathy stopped being your confidant quite some time ago, right?
Ms. Green: But I miss that.
Dr. Balis: Sure. But you stopped sharing your life with Kathy about the time you felt you were competing with her for Martin's attention.
Ms. Green: It was never really a competition. If she didn't get pregnant...
Dr. Balis: Do you think Kathy felt like she was competing with you?
Ms. Green: I guess she did. Well, she got him now. He's all hers. I hope she's happy.
Dr. Balis: Do you think Martin and Kathy will stay together after you leave?
Ms. Green: Kathy doesn't have a job. Where is she going to go, back to her grandmother's?
Dr. Balis: I don't know.
Ms. Green: Well, as much as Martin liked to lick my feet, it was Kathy's job to do the mistress thing with him. I wasn't too into it, remember?
Dr. Balis: So you think they'll stay together?
Ms. Green: Maybe that's what she wants to talk to me about.
Dr. Balis: Maybe.
Ms. Green: But I don't know if I want to know and be that involved.
Dr. Balis: Hmm.
Ms. Green: It's like if I find out, it would be my responsibility. I can just see it.
Dr. Balis: It doesn't have to be that way.
Ms. Green: Yeah. Well, our time is up. I'll see you next week, Doctor.
Dr. Balis: All right. Goodbye, Anna.
Ms. Green: See you, Doctor Balis.
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