Date: Tue, 22 Apr 1997 9:53:11 -0800 (PDT)
Mime-Version: 1.0
From: (Charles Balis, M.D.)
Subject: First E-Mail Therapy Session (was Re: Hello from Peter)

I wrote:

>>this form of communication is really unsuitable for the type of work that we have to do together.

But if this is the only way we can communicate, then it is better than nothing; let's do our best, shall we? Try to be honest when you write to me, this may help you sort things out for yourself. Perhaps we will find that therapy by e-mail has advantages that partly compensate for the missing human contact, although it hardly can be considered a substitute. I will try to get the HMO to pay for these "virtual sessions" confidentially, based on the amount of time I spend doing it. This is new for me, so please bear with me.

You wrote:

>i just can't deal with negative energy right now; my state is too precarious, balancing over Bottomless Pits like i am. Please stop. What i need is some support right now.

I just don't know how I can provide this "support" in writing. Personally, I like you, Peter, but I can't condone what you're doing to yourself. I say this because you are actively cooperating in what Serena is doing to you, reprehensible as it is. Is there something I'm missing--something positive you're getting out of this relationship? And from your talk of "bottomless pits", it seems like there is a possibility things could become yet worse in your private universe. Why not come back to earth, where you wouldn't need quite so much "support"?

>Maybe i am her slave, but isn't it right that i, who have been such a brute for so many eons, have my turn underfoot? What does it really matter, anyway- aren't these just different parts in the Dance?

Doesn't what happens in this lifetime matter too? Aren't you supposed to do the best you can while you're here? Doesn't this include being honest?

>She wants me to Love Her; like Romantic Love. i try to pretend, just to make Her happy, but She knows i'm faking it, just like i have to pretend to cum when i'm satisfying her...

If she's not convinced, why the pretending? How are you advancing your karma by living a lie?

>Maybe i am falling apart- God knows these headaches are terrible- but it's only a body thing, right?

I can give you a prescription that would help with the headaches, but it makes better medical sense to treat the underlying condition. I really think you should have kept that appointment with the neurologist. For a mild case of epilepsy like you were presenting, some new drugs are available that have very few side effects. I would like you to start on medication as soon as possible to arrest, if possible, what seems to be the progressive course of your disease.

>The worse it gets for the body, the better for the Soul.

I strongly disagree with this assertion. The more we learn about the human mind, the more evident its oneness with the body. In the case histories of psychiatry, we see very few instances of bodily harm causing enlightenment--but numerous ones in which early abuse is translated into future agression and further pain. I find no merit in deliberately letting your health deteriorate.

>Or don't you think there's anything to be learned from Suffering either?

This is very much outside my area of expertise. I don't enjoy pain myself, and I don't like watching it without being able to help. As a doctor, I've been trained to show people how to avoid suffering. When that's not possible, I try to alleviate its symptoms. You have found somebody who seems to be an expert at the opposite approach, so I guess you've made your choice. In any case, there isn't much I can do for someone who refuses to help himself. When you get tired of this, let me know and I'll do what I can. As things stand, I'm afraid that isn't much. But do keep in touch, I'm worried about you.

Charles Balis, M.D.

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