Date: Mon, 12 May 1997 9:55:28 -0800 (PDT)
From: Balis@SIIComputers.com (Charles Balis, M.D.)
Subject: Third E-Mail Therapy Session (was Re: Second E-Mail Therapy Session)
>>would it be too obvious to ask why you don't just come in?
>I'm asking myself that too. I think i have more psychic energy now, and i could handle it as well as my regular Work. I'll ask Serena again.
Why is it her decision and not yours? Isn't this something you can decide for yourself?
>>Since responding to your e-mail takes about twenty minutes of my time, how about twenty dollars per response? I'll deal with the book-keeping somehow.
>I've been saving up my lunch money; I haven't had much appetite lately, so the twenty bucks is no problem- thanks for doing it this way.
I'm afraid you've lost me here--what does your therapy have to do with your lunch?
>>>i was a priest of Marduk, who fell in love with one of the Ladies of Ishtar, a woman of great Power. But she spurned my love, which then turned to hate, and in my rage i denounced her as a Witch. We men of Marduk raided the sacred precincts of Ishtar, abducted her, and burned her as a sacrifice to our male God, that he might reign supreme. As she died she cursed my Soul to an infinity of torment for the harm i'd done to her and her Goddess. i know this sounds bad, and believe me it has been, but there's hope. If i can track down the spirit of the woman i wronged and get her and the Goddess to forgive me, there's a chance i can clear the Curse and clean up my Karma.
>>if you really think this is a factual description of something that's actually happened to you in a former lifetime, in reality, not the astral plane or wherever; and that you are really going to find this spirit and everything's going to be great--I'm sorry for you.
>Don't feel sorry for me- i think i've found her! It's been an amazing week. For some reason i went out Friday night, something i hardly ever do anymore, but these flyers were posted all over the place at work, and i guess Something wanted me there. It was a typical loud smoky club, and i was wondering what i was doing there when the keyboard player caught my eye and i couldn't look away. There was something about her that i just couldn't get enough of, and i kept drinking in her presence. After a while she noticed me and the connection between our eyes sizzled through the air like an electric arc. I could tell it was having the same effect on her; even the music seemed to reflect it. Suddenly, i was totally absorbed in this experience, so different from anything i'd ever expected to find in this lifetime, which i'd about written off. Nothing like this has ever happened to me before in "real life"; the only thing comparable i can think of was the Meeting i told you about on the Astral Plane.
This sounds like a positive experience for you, and I'm glad to hear about it. But do you really have to connect it with your past life regressions? Can't you accept it for what it appears to be--a case of love at first sight? What do you have to drag Babylon into it?
>There was a lot of shouting and confusion after the show, but I was rooted to the spot, and afterwards she came out with a big red welt on her face- and instantly my own face began to burn in the same spot! (She said she'd tried to break up a fight, that there was nothing to worry about, and invited me out for coffee. (Of course, I don't drink that foul stuff, but I'd have gone anywhere she asked.) First, though, she had to clear it with this raw-boned lout who seemed to have some kind of Hold over her; i guess the Flesh dragged her down to his level for a time, probably as a Penance. Being in her presence was a revelation; (fortunately we found a place to talk which had wheat-grass juice as well as coffee) and i was amazed at how Spiritually Evolved she turned out to be. I'm almost sure she's the Lady i need to find, although she tries to deny it. But everything fits so perfectly, it can't be just Chance that we found each other like this.
Why not? Just because something happens by chance doesn't mean it is any less meaningful. Don't you think that when you need something you are more likely to find it?
>i was sleep-walking through this Existence; but now i feel i'm waking up. Thank-you, Doctor.
I appreciate your gratitude, but you have a long way to go yet.
>Suddenly i feel healthier than ever before. I feel Eliza (i didn't tell you her name before, did i?) has Powers that even she is unaware of, although she is a Sorceress.
What makes you think so? Isn't an ordinary person good enough for you?
>>>Because that distant place calls out to me where Souls can mingle and Someone awaits...
>And i think i've found her!
Like I said, I'm really happy for you. But I worry that you seem so intent on forcing her into a mold, making her fit your fantasy instead of being free to be herself. Do you think this is a sound basis for a relationship?
>Making a break is another matter, though. I'm still trying to figure out how to tell Her about this- i'm sure she'll understand if i put it in the right way.
Sometimes you have to tell the truth even if it hurts. Do you think you might be ready?
>>Let me get this straight--you are having "tantric sex" as a spiritual exercise only, with a woman to whom you admit you are not sexually attracted. You are not allowed to have an orgasm, but are expected to act as if you were; although your partner, presumably under no such constraint herself, is aware that you are shamming. And this is what you call "respect"?
>It meant so little to me, i couldn't see the harm. But now i'm getting a glimpse of a whole new dimension to this whole Sex thing, and i'm feeling more Shame for what i've done. But i still have to explain it to Her.
And if she can't--or refuses to--understand, what then? You don't need to feel ashamed, but you must get on with your life.
>>You seem to be under a slight misapprehension. Epilepsy is not one of the things you can choose; it chooses you. You had better deal with it before something really bad happens. Get started on medication now. I will prescribe it myself, if you absolutely won't go to the neurologist, which would really be the best thing to do.
>Whatever. But right now i've got so much on my mind, i just can't deal with all this Epilepsy shit. Maybe when things settle down i can start worrying about all that...
Your condition will not resolve itself by being ignored. I'm worried about what might happen if you keep postponing even the recognition of what's going on.
>There are so many more important Things to deal with than what you call my "problems". I still really don't care about any of them- let me work it out for myself, okay?
If you don't want my help. why do you keep e-mailing me? I'd be glad to give you some assistance, if you'd let me. But why call for help, if you're always going to push me away when I offer it?
>>>(...) i've made my choice, or She has, which amounts to the same thing.
>>Only if you have no will of your own.
>I'm getting stronger. Maybe my Will is starting to grow back.
I'm happy to hear it. Perhaps we will see some manifestation of this someday soon?
>>You've cut everything else out of your life; no wonder it's seeming insubstantial.
>You were totally right about this, i can see my life now from a new perspective. Now all i can think about is the next time i can meet Eliza. Life- even the Animal life i disregarded so totally- seems so much more Meaningful, infused with significance i never saw.
As a citizen of the real world, all I can say is--"welcome aboard". You may find it's neither as boring or frightening as you seem to have believed.
>>Are you experiencing fatigue as well as headaches?
>I was, but now i'm feeling more energy than i thought was possible.
It sounds like your vitality is on an upswing--this is an encouraging sign. But it's up to you to make the most of it, before your mood swings back to despondancy once more. Use your energy to change your life.
>>for some reason of your own, you have decided to accept things unquestioningly that, if true, would totally contradict the laws of nature.
>Perhaps there are "laws of nature" that you have never heard of. How would you explain quantum physics to a caveman? But don't stop being yourself; i've come to depend on you as the Voice of Reason, even if you are a bit limited in your outlook.
By no means do I discount the possibility that we will discover more about how the human mind--or the physical world--works; in fact we're doing this all the time. But don't you think we should build on what we know, instead of basing our lives on conjectures of such doubtful probability? Give rationality a shot; you've tried all the rest...
>>And what do you get out of this? A life as an abject slave. What's the point? I don't get it.
>At the time, i didn't care much about what happened in this incarnation, if i could get closer to Eternity. Now i see that i can accomplish much more in one lifetime than i had thought possible- who knows, maybe i'll even lift the Curse. Wish me Luck, Doctor.
Maybe this "curse" will lift itself when you no longer need to believe in it. I'd like to help you get past it, but I guess the best I can do right now is to hope you find your own way.
Charles "Caveman" Balis, M.D.