Tyr's-daeg, May 20, 1997
Worked, went to my therapy, yaddah yaddah yaddah. Dr. B wants me to get the restraining order. I told him "Soon." Soon, soon, soon. It's always soon, and usually too late. Something is wrong, I can feel it in my bones.
Letitia came to me today, and said that she thinks that she has found the perpetrator. I asked her if I could be imagining things, and she said that I'm not imagining anything about the pain I'm feeling. She also said that when it's definite and she knows who's harming me, that person is going to regret it. I don't know what she is going to do, but it might work, whatever it is.
Woden's-daeg, May 21, 1997
More work. More inappropriate dreams with Peter content. More cat fur all over the place.
Isaac finally broke up with the wench he has been seeing for the past three months. Apparently, she got a hold of his charge card and ran amok, charging everything. Well, she ruined his credit, more or less, and he decided that now was a good time to break it off. I'm glad and sad for him. He's so lonely all of the time. I'll send him some daisies.
Kitty's got to get fixed, soon! I think she's going into heat, which is not a good thing. Anders says it's slightly on the funny side. I don't agree.
Thor's-daeg, May 22, 1997
Made plans with Peter and Christina for Memorial day. Told Anders about them, and he hurriedly got off the phone with me, giving a lame excuse, like "Phillip just got home." At three in the afternoon, I don't think so.
Chris says that she and Malcolm are over, finis. I don't know what to think. I'll probably get a despondent e-mail from him, until he realizes she was being flaky about their romance. She talks about her therapist a bit, and I have a hunch it's Dr. B. I just don't want to ask her. Maybe I can trick him into telling me.
Freyas-daeg, May 23, 1997
I did an aura fortification. It felt so good, and I felt so strong afterwards.
I can't hang out with Chris today, she's at "her therapist's." I've got to know who this guy is! I hope and pray that it's not Dr. Whosit, aka my father's therapist. Speaking of which, he and Calypso have set a wedding date for next year, as opposed to in the next few months. I guess it gives Papa more time to work out his feelings for Mom. I tried to tell Mom about them, but she just laughed. She doesn't believe that he still loves her.
Ben has been pushing me to call him "Dad." Ben? Nopers. Sorry. I've known him for how long? Three months? This ain't happening.
Sorry, Benny-boy! I know who my dad is!
Saturn's-daeg, May 24, 1997
Begin Memorial Day weekend! Huzzah! Some time to myself. Going to Granny and Grampy Ravenski's for today and tomorrow. Pack the PowerBook, kitty, Luke's Mother's day present, and some clothes. Country, here I come!
Granny and Grampy have the greatest place, and I just can't believe that they introduced me to paganism! Granny showed me what she had been doing in the ceramics realm, and it's absolutely beautiful! She gave me a chalice she made. Just can't love them enough.
Grampy showed me what he had been doing in the smithing realm. Wonderful stuff! He made me an athame! Aargh! How can I repay my grandparents?
Granny loves Guin, even though she's systematically destroying anything wicker, or woven, for that matter. Granny thinks it's cute, and Guin is going into heat. Which is great because tonight there will be howling tomcats from all over the world parading around the back door.
Suns-daeg, May 25, 1997
Granny and I buried the baby before the Goddess and the God. It's so wonderful that she was a High Priestess. Now she's just a coven elder. But she loves her job.
Anyhow, we buried the doll. Granny helped me cry, and she played a song to the baby, sang it into its final rest. There is finally some peace in my soul for the lost child.
Grampy was a gentleman all day for me. Apparently Granny had told him of the miscarriage and he was the most sympathetic man in the entire world. He didn't blame me for the loss, he didn't blame anyone. We talked about the miscarriage over Earl Grey in his shop. And when I got all the talking I could out of my system, he taught me how to make rings. Well, not all of it, but a simple bezel, and a flat band. It's not that hard to grasp, once you get the soldering down.
Well, have to go home now, I have a big day planned for tomorrow. Granny and Grampy tell me to come back soon, and that the coven misses me. Bless them. They do so much for me. Maybe if Peter and I further our relationship, I'll bring him out here. I think that he could learn a whole hell of a lot from Grampy. Grampy's the only man I know that is strong and gentle, simultaneously.
Moons-daeg, May 26, 1997
Oh, wretched day!
Why does everything I know happen on Mondays?
Beginning is where I should start.
Having my party, getting ready. I was taking cookies out of the oven, when the doorbell rang and Chris got it. I hear a thud, and who should lurch back into my life, but Luke-the-goddamned-mother-fucking-Puke. He grabs my shoulder, throws and pins me up against the wall. And he begs me to come back to him. "As if!" Chris hulks back in to the kitchen, leaps upon his back and starts screaming at him at the top of her lungs, something about leaving me the fuck alone or she would rip his testicles off. Peter walks in through the open door, sees the ruckus, and lures Luke away from me, at which point I promptly pass out. Chris says that she was trying to revive me and was calling 911, while Peter was getting his ass whooped. And then who should walk through the open door, but Malcolm. Two very unwanted ex-boyfriends in the same room. Mal gets pissed that Chris has a black eye forming, and generally realizes from the scene that the shiner couldn't have been Peter's fault, and Mal decides that Luke should be punished. So, when I came around, all I saw was Malcolm sitting on top of Luke, pinning him to the ground. I look up and there is Chris and Peter reviving me. And cops swarming about my mother's kitchen, and all I can think about is "The fucking cookies are going to burn." GODS AM I STUPID!
So the cops get all the info they need, I get the restraining order, Chris gets a black-eye, and Mal gets a pat on the back. I don't know about Peter. He left in the midst of everything. So, I don't know if he's in the hospital or what.
I know that I'm here in the hospital, due to the return of the UNEXPLAINABLE PAIN FROM HELL! They think I may have had a heart attack, at which I scoff mightily. Heart attack. In a 20 year old? "As if!" I've been saying that a lot tonight.
Asked Daddy to bring me Dr. B. And he did. And I told him what happened, because I didn't want to talk to anybody else, especially not on the phone. I tricked him into telling me that Chris was his patient. All she said to me was that she had a lot to tell her therapist this Thursday. So, yeah, I tricked the doctor into telling me. How sneaky. But I don't want to think about it anymore. I just want to go to sleep.