Toes-Day, May 13, 1997
Saw Dr. B again today. He was glad that I finally told him that Luke was abusive. Nothing really happened today besides that. I wallowed in self pity as nobody wrote me any E-mail today. Kind of disgruntling. So I went to the store to pick up some groceries for Mom. When I came home, there was a message for me that Anders called. I returned the call. Told him to get his buns over here. Apparently, Camille is getting an abortion. That would make this...what...her fifth? Amazing birth control, that's what she calls it. Anyhow, Anders and Phillip said that they could no longer house her. She got mad, threw around some things, tried to beat the snot out of Anders, but Phillip used some weird move on her and basically, she threw herself out. So Phillip and Anders have a little more space now and are turning Camille's former room into a nice little center of worship, seeing as how they're both pagans. It was a short day that included work.
Wodens-daeg, May 14, 1997
Worked. Played with kitty when I got home. Wallowed around in my room, playing with old toys. Got mad at the fact that it's dirty and started spring cleaning. Mom wants to know why my charge card is maxed out. Luke apparently has been using it. I'm going to cancel that card and get a new one, once it's paid off. He's still following me around. I can feel it, just around the corner. Something dreadful will happen and it will be all my fault. No, it won't. What the hell am I talking about. Luke is a jerk and he doesn't know how to act.
Peter sent me an e-mail. Apparently, Luke followed him home and said something about butting out, etc.
But, ever since I last saw Peter, I've been getting these weird pains. They can be anywhere and whenever and wherever it happens is random. It hurts like a bitch. I'm starting to think that someone or something has got it out for me.
Thors-daeg, May 15, 1997
Work, work, work. That's all I do around here. I hate working here at SII. It's boring, boring, boring, and my co-workers should be called co-jerkers. Bleh! I want to go home!
Okay, I'm home. Luke followed me here from work. He even tried to catch me, but I slammed the door in his face. Thank gods. It's like...bleh...It's just that I don't want him to touch me, I don't want him to talk to me, I just want him out of my life. It's so bad that I don't know why I haven't gotten the restraining order yet. Something in my head is like a tense coiled spring saying, "Not yet...not quite yet..." I'm waiting for it to say, "Now!" I hope it does soon.
Nearly passed out a while ago, sharp pain in my back. It feels worse than when I was in the hospital. Mom is concerned, and so is Ben. She's going to call Dad, since he knows all about my pain and stuff, to find out if this is normal. I know it's not but that's okay. I'm glad she is actually concerned for me.
Freyas-daeg, May 16, 1997
Went to a movie with Josie. He is having problems with Robin, no big surprise there. He is proud that I am no longer with Luke the Puke. Robin came to him and told him the truth after last week's escapade involving Jonny, and they have been fighting constantly ever since. Josie supports Robin, and is putting him through school. I think that he is going to get screwed over once Robbi graduates. "Thanks for the free ride, love ya, bye!" Josie tried to agree, but the hurt is in his eyes and he just can't stop from tearing up every now and then. He also told me that he doesn't think that he is gay anyway, seeing as how he never really enjoys sex with Robbi. And then he tells me that he is in love with me, to which I got flustered. I'm trying to prove him wrong--he is gay--and he's trying to kiss me. Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Aaargh! Men. When it rains, it fucking pours. Jesus.
Saturns-day, May 17, 1997
Nothing is going on. Work called and said that they need me in, but I made up some excuse about not being able to. They are not going to get me to work weekends. They said I would never have to. Wrote a long story involving a damsel in distress and the nerd that uses his brains to rescue her. Mom laughed, said it was a perfect children's classic if I took out the sex scene and the erotic overtones.
Staying home tonight, lounging around. Guin is getting very big, very fast. Never mind. Tired, want to take meds and go to bed.
Suns-daeg, May 18, 1997
Mom and Ben are at church. I need to commune with the goddess. I can feel her energy all around me, but it ebbs away whenever I get one of those hideous pains. Had a dream about Dr. B last night. He was telling me how boring I am. Horrible thing. It happened again. The energy flowed away and there was this void and suddenly it was filled with this goddamn stabbing sensation. Shit. Ow. Go the fuck away! I need help. Letitia and Mordred will help, I hope.
Moons-daeg, May 19, 1997
Letitia is nowhere to be found; she wanders the astral plane in search of people that need her help, or people that can help her. Mordred says he misses her, but he will try to find her for me. He's gotten larger and more grotesque than before. The disease that eats at him is starting to destroy him. I gave him some cleansing, healing energy, and he sent a message out after Letitia. I hope she will come soon. We joked and said that we will call her "Astral Nurse." Mordred lives in Quebec, he told me. He said that it is pretty this time of year, and that I ought to come and visit him. He said the doctors have given him six more months on his life, and he jokes that he might actually have six more years. He has family and friends nearby always trying to help, but none of them are like me or Letitia. He tried to tell me that he was becoming a vampire, but I cried, and he left and returned to the waking world. I wandered about for a bit, hopelessly searching for Letitia. Before I knew it, there she was, shimmering before me. She gathered me into her arms and kissed me. She said she had missed me so much and was wondering when I would return. She is concerned for my safety, as she thinks someone is practicing voudoun against me. I don't think this is the case, but it may be so. She said that she will keep an eye out for me, and while she was at it, she purified my aura for me. I feel much more healthy now.
That's all here. This thing needs to be in Dr. B's hands tomorrow. I don't know what to talk about.