Transcript of 12th Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Eliza Raven, Tuesday, May 20, 1997 at 12 pm.

Dr. Balis: Eliza?
Ms. Raven: Uh huh?
Dr. Balis: Are you all right?
Ms. Raven: No.
Dr. Balis: Here, sit. Tell me what's going on.
Ms. Raven: Pain in me, all over, randomly popping up anywhere.
Dr. Balis: Have you been taking your painkillers?
Ms. Raven: Yes, taking meds is a little religion of mine. It's called Percocetism.
Dr. Balis: You look a little better now that you are sitting.
Ms. Raven: It went away.
Dr. Balis: What went away?
Ms. Raven: The pain.
Dr. Balis: But you said that you have been taking your painkillers. So tell me, what is this pain like?
Ms. Raven: It's been happening off and on since last Saturday. It hurts like a bitch. It's a stabbing sensation, really, but one moment it's in my shoulder, the next thing I know, it's in my ass. One time I thought I was having a heart attack.
Dr. Balis: Have you seen your general practitioner yet?
Ms. Raven: It's not serious enough to warrant a trip to the hospital.
Dr. Balis: Eliza, this could be a sign of more serious things to come.
Ms. Raven: Like what? Death? Impossible. My life line is way too long for me to die anytime soon.
Dr. Balis: Life line? Like on your palm?
Ms. Raven: Palmistry, yeah. See this line right here? That's a life line. See how long it is?
Dr. Balis: I suppose so, Eliza. But I still think that you ought to go to your doctor and see if you might need to change medication, at the very least.
Ms. Raven: I'll think about it.
Dr. Balis: How about acting on it?
Ms. Raven: Only if it gets worse. I'm not a hypochondriac.
Dr. Balis: I didn't mean to imply that you were. How are things going with getting your restraining order?
Ms. Raven: Um...Ah well...
Dr. Balis: You haven't gotten it yet.
Ms. Raven: Well...
Dr. Balis: Eliza, the longer you put off getting that order, the more time Luke has to figure out how he is going to handle your leaving. And I personally don't think that he is going to handle it well.
Ms. Raven: I'm working on it, okay?
Dr. Balis: Eliza, I am worried for your personal safety.
Ms. Raven: Me too. I'll get it, soon.
Dr. Balis: How soon?
Ms. Raven: Soon enough. Back off. What did I do to you?
Dr. Balis: I may be a little pushy, Eliza, but I can't stress safety enough.
Ms. Raven: Okay. I'm sorry. It's just been a long-ass week, what with this pain thing and everything else. Josie thinks that he is straight and has been in love with me since he met me in high school. We went to a movie Friday and then out for coffee afterward, like we usually do. Well, then he's got his hands all over me, trying to tell me that he is leaving Robin for me...yaddah yaddah yaddah. I feel that when it comes to men, when it rains, it pours.
Dr. Balis: How are you handling that situation?
Ms. Raven: As gently as possible. Josie is like a brother to me. I've known him forever. Actually, I think the situation may have resolved itself. He came to me this morning and apologized for his behavior and said that he's going to try and work things out with Robbi. It's a weird situation that I think will work out okay once Josie gets everything straightened out with himself.
Dr. Balis: Okay.
Ms. Raven: So what now?
Dr. Balis: I have a question for you. It may seem like it's none of my business, but I'm a little curious.
Ms. Raven: Oh, come on. I am your business.
Dr. Balis: Were any of the injuries you mentioned about the car accident Luke's doing, or were they purely a result of the accident?
Ms. Raven: Just the accident. Luke may have been an extremely abusive asshole, but he never left any marks on me besides bruises. Before the accident, things were well with us and I was an obedient girlfriend to him. No need for beating me then.
Dr. Balis: Okay.
Ms. Raven: I mean...well...Luke did a lot of things to me. He pushed me around a lot, both physically and mentally. He smacked me around every now and then. Occasionally, there was rape involved. He wasn't sadistic, though. Just angry. Mean. Violent. But he wasn't sadistic. Thank gods for small favors. He never took any cutting utensils to me, didn't try to light me on fire. And I pretended that I was the one at fault, which is what I guess most battered women do.
Dr. Balis: So you endowed him with qualities he didn't have to make up for his abusiveness?
Ms. Raven: I guess so. Damn. You now, I just now realized that I am one screwed up individual.
Dr. Balis: You have had a difficult past.
Ms. Raven: Yeah, I can see it now: how I can be described by breaking down my life into little chunks of dysfunctionality. My mother abandoned us when I was little, and then she came back and took us away from dad and then gave us back. I met a guy I thought was Prince Charming until I was misbehaving. Then he turned into Prince Beating. His drunken father got me into a car accident where I lost a baby. I was blamed for the car accident. I believed the blame and took it...and so on.
Dr. Balis: When did you stop believing that you were the one to blame?
Ms. Raven: When he pushed me down the stairs.
Dr. Balis: How long ago was that?
Ms. Raven: Oh, about a year ago.
Dr. Balis: So you pretended for about a year?
Ms. Raven: Well, it just now came conscious, I guess. I realized I was tired of getting a beating every time I voiced my opinion, and started looking around me at all of these other women in loving relationships. I wondered if they were smacked around, too. And I saw how Dad and Isaac treated women, and realized that what Luke was doing to me was not natural. So I pushed Luke to get me to a mental doctor to see if we could get me to stop crying. And he thought that was a great idea.
Dr. Balis: But the reason he thought it was a great idea was that, when you stopped having crying fits, he could harm you as he pleased?
Ms. Raven: Yeah, that's right. I don't know why he couldn't hit me when I was crying, but he couldn't.
Dr. Balis: Did he treat other women this way?
Ms. Raven: I think, and hope, it was just me.
Dr. Balis: But you don't know for sure?
Ms. Raven: Well, he didn't treat his mother that way. I didn't meet any other girlfriends from the "pre-me" era. So I really don't know. All I know was that he was obedient to his mother, doing everything she asked.
Dr. Balis: Hmm.
Ms. Raven: Did I tell you that I got a cat?
Dr. Balis: I read it in your journal.
Ms. Raven: She's cute.
Dr. Balis: I'm sure she's a handful.
Ms. Raven: Yeah, I have a picture of her destroying my wallet.
Dr. Balis: Okay. I take it that you're finished talking about Luke for a while?
Ms. Raven: Yes. There are many things I can say about him, but it all comes down to the same thing. He hit me. I took it, until I couldn't take it anymore.
Dr. Balis: You really should get the restraining order.
Ms. Raven: Soon, Dr. Balis, soon.
Dr. Balis: Okay. Is there anything else you would like to talk about?
Ms. Raven: Well, this week's journal is brief. But I'd like to explain Letitia and Mordred.
Dr. Balis: Okay...
Ms. Raven: When I was sixteen, I was just dabbling in astral projection. I went to many scary places, and whenever something was going to get me, I was saved by something or other. So, one day, I'm wandering about, looking for something or other, and these two beings come to me. A female and a male.
Dr. Balis: Letitia and Mordred?
Ms. Raven: Yes. On the astral plane, Letitia stands about...oh, seven feet tall and is thin and wavy like a willow tree. She shimmers. Mordred is horribly ugly, not because he wants to be, but because he has AIDS and is dying. When he is really sick, he is transparent, and becomes extremely ugly. He looks like a big sticky leaf pile with eyes and a mouth. But he is kind, and he tries to be strong. And it turns out that they have been helping me. They have been doing me favors without me asking them. So I decide, secretly, that I need to repay them. Well, another time, I'm wandering about as the raven, and I see them below being taunted by a group of some things. Well, I didn't know what to do. Letitia and Mordred are strong, but this was a group of about five things that were stronger than them. So I decided that I would get them out of there, but I didn't know how. I remembered that one time when I was the raven and I wanted to be in my elven form, I became a column of flame. So I swooped down out of the sky and surrounded Letitia and Mordred with my fire, and before I became elven, I came off of the ground, carrying them in the column that my body was in. So I got them away from the things. And they said that they would spend their lives trying to repay me.
Dr. Balis: Hmm.
Ms. Raven: I know it sounds far-fetched, Dr. Balis, but even if they only exist in dreams, we know that I have a great imagination and would be a good writer of sci-fi or fantasy.
Dr. Balis: Okay, Eliza.
Ms. Raven: We're out of time, aren't we?
Dr. Balis: Yes, we are.
Ms. Raven: Let's see, you want me here next week. That's the 27th of May at noon.
Dr. Balis: Yes.
Ms. Raven: Well, pencil me in.
Dr. Balis: Okay, Eliza.
Ms. Raven: I'll see you later.
Dr. Balis: Goodbye.
Ms. Raven: Thank you.
Dr. Balis: You're welcome.
Arrow, Straight, Left, Earlier Arrow, Straight, Right, Later

Button to Dr. Balis' Notes Doctor Balis' Notes on this Session
Button to Eliza Raven's Diary & Log Journal, May 13 to May 19, 1997

Button to Eliza Raven's Transcripts Transcripts of Eliza Raven's Communications
Button to Eliza Raven's Patient File Eliza Raven's Patient File

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