Transcript of 29th Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Mr. Alex Rozzi, Wednesday, January 7, 1998 at 5:00 pm.

Dr. Balis: Hello...uh, Alex?
Mr. Rozzi: Hey! What? What, did I track something in? What?
Dr. Balis: No, it's your hair...I mean, your face. You look so different.
Mr. Rozzi: You like it? I didn't think I could do it either, you know? It took about a week to grow it. Pretty cool, huh?
Dr. Balis: Well, it certainly changed your appearance. It really makes you look much older than you are.
Mr. Rozzi: I know. A trip, huh? When I went out with Tony, so many people started hitting on me. Tony said he wasn't surprised, but I was so unsure about it. It just sort of happened to work out. I like it. But sometimes, I can't help myself--I stroke my chin like this because it feels so cool.
Dr. Balis: It looks good, Alex, and you look well. How are things going?
Mr. Rozzi: Pretty good, I guess. So much has happened since I saw you last--I don't know where to begin. You heard about my mom, I bet. The hospital and all that?
Dr. Balis: What happened to your mother? Is the baby okay?
Mr. Rozzi: No, not that. Not yet, at least. Well, let me think for a minute. Well, I think it happened the week before Christmas. Yeah, that's right, the week before. Anyway, this is such a trip, I'm telling you. She apparently had this thing with Katherine at work, and I guess she got into some trouble for it--I told her she would. Her boss suspended her or something. Anyway, she's out on disability now and until after the baby comes. At first, I thought she was just doing it all for attention, and I just ignored Mark's calls. But then, he came over to the house, and we sat down and talked for a while. This time we really talked. We connected, somehow. For the first time, I think I saw into him and he saw into me and we understood each other. That was the first surreal thing about all this.
Dr. Balis: Uh huh.
Mr. Rozzi: He told me that my mom was in the hospital. The baby was all right, but she wasn't. I guess that this pregnancy sort of reminded her about when she was pregnant with me, and she started freaking out, doing all this totally crazy shit. You already know what I'm talking about. Then the thing with Aunt Sofie happened. Well, it all added up for her, and she started having these major panic attacks. One thing led to another, and there she was in the psycho ward. I thought you knew all this already. Aren't you her doctor?
Dr. Balis: No, Alex. Is she going to be okay?
Mr. Rozzi: Well, she's still going to the hospital--if that's what you want to know--but she's not sleeping there anymore.
Dr. Balis: You surprise me, Alex.
Mr. Rozzi: Why?
Dr. Balis: Well, the way you were talking about her last time as compared to seem sympathetic.
Mr. Rozzi: Well, that's the funny part of this. I knew she was faking, I just knew. I even told Mark that. But then he told me the reason she was so twisted up about Katherine and me. With all this maternal stuff building up inside her--with the baby and all--she was jealous! Can you believe that? She was threatened by Katherine. Her maternal whatever was freaking out over me spending time with this woman. I still had trouble believing all this. And then I agreed to go see her, because he said she was asking for me. Well, she surprised the hell out of me.
Dr. Balis: How was she when you saw her?
Mr. Rozzi: She looked worse than hell. I never saw her looking so bad. And the funny thing was when we talked she was like...she was...uh, I don't know. She was just real for once. She made sense to me. She told me how it was to be pregnant and have the father run out on you. It was the time she needed him the most. My grandparents were so fucked up, and she felt she needed him then. She needed his strength. In case you haven't noticed, my mom's not a big woman. She has physical limitations because of her size--they have to take some extra precautions while she is pregnant. But there she was alone, sort of, and not too self-assured. She had little self-esteem, and my grandparents got in on the act with her. She learned from the best, you know? But anyway, all this stuff she told me I believed. Some things I had wanted to hear from her myself, and others I really didn't need to know. But she apologized to me. Apologized! I couldn't believe it even when she was right in front of me...she apologized. And I told her I accepted it...for now at least. It looks like she's trying to change her life. Uh, I don't know. Just between you and me, I keep wondering if this is the end of the world or something. I'm like trying to wake up from this dream, you know?
Dr. Balis: Hmm. This is a fascinating turn of events for you, Alex. And you look different, too. It's not just the goatee, either. You really look relaxed. Do you believe she is going to make an honest effort with you?
Mr. Rozzi: Well, if she doesn't this time, then she's just fucking herself up even more.
Dr. Balis: Hmm.
Mr. Rozzi: Yeah...well, I really think things are going to change between my mother and me. I just have that gut feeling, you know? I've been getting a lot of these gut feelings lately. I guess time will prove what her motives truly are. But the thing is this: I connected with Mark this time, too! It's funny, but I see myself in his eyes, in his face. I look a lot like him. But I just somehow...some way understood. He and I finally understood each other. Things are going to be cool from now on.
Dr. Balis: This is very good, Alex. Reconciliation with your family is a very positive step...
Mr. Rozzi: You're always so serious. Can't you just be happy or something?
Dr. Balis: I am, Alex. I just want you to recognize that developing these relationships will be a lot of work and not just on your part. Everyone will need to make adjustments. How are you with all this, Alex?
Mr. Rozzi: I'm good. Skeptical, but not too much. Dubious. I'm kind of going to take a wait and see attitude. I'm not running back to her house and moving in just yet. I may never live there again. But who really knows? Right now, I feel good about things. Things are going okay with Luke, I guess. And Tony and I have been having a lot of fun lately. Plus, I went out with Katherine and Philip--he's so cute--to a holiday celebration at the Range Gallery. It was so cool! Some famous local people were there. And there was this rumor going around that Ron Wood of The Rolling Stones was going to be there, but he never showed up. But you should have seen all these groupie chicks hanging around with disappointed looks on their faces!
Dr. Balis: Why did they think he would show?
Mr. Rozzi: Well, because Range handles his paintings. It's not really a big secret or anything, and he's pretty good, too. Since Mick Jagger was spotted a few days before in The City, they just assumed that Ron Wood would be here too, I guess. I don't know, but the party was fun. And Jake told me that someone showed interest in one of my paintings, but it wasn't a specific offer or anything. He still has them on his office wall.
Dr. Balis: Good.
Mr. Rozzi: Well, I'm not holding my breath or anything. We'll see. Katherine surprised me with a little gift.
Dr. Balis: Really? What did she give you?
Mr. Rozzi: A tape. See, at the party I kind of gave her a bad time about being a number-cruncher--she just tweaks the books, moving numbers from here to there. Then we got into a discussion with Philip about how numbers permeate everything. I'm a number. You're a number. Money. Even rock bands. She made a tape for me, and all the band names and the song titles have a number in them. She handed it to me. And when I opened it, she said something like: "See, I'm not all about numbers. I like music, too!" It had songs like "One Headlight" and groups like Third Eye Blind and Matchbox 20. It was a trip! And the tape is pretty cool stuff, too. It took me a minute to realize that she did a number on me--no pun intended! She really turned the tables, you know? We got a big laugh out of that. And her brother...well, he's something else. He said such funny things and so cute, too. Even some of the groupie girls were hanging onto every word he said. I'll bet he could've gotten laid if he wanted to. Who knows? Maybe he did!
Dr. Balis: Well, it sounds like the party and the holidays have been good for you.
Mr. Rozzi: You know, I was talking about this very thing with Luke the other night on the way back from Carmel. I met his sister, by the way. But he and I were assessing our holidays, and we both had pretty nice holidays this year. How about you? How were your holidays?
Dr. Balis: Mine? Oh, just fine. Thanks for asking. So you met Luke's sister?
Mr. Rozzi: Yeah. I went down there with Luke for New Year's, and they had a party at his house. Beylund came down and was firing off his camera everywhere, and some of the people from the agency--you know models and stuff, pretty people--they were all there. It was a veritable fashion show if ever there was one. His sister is absolutely stunning! She could be a super model, if she wanted to be. And she's so nice, so down to Earth just like Luke. She and I had a long talk. We went running on the beach early in the morning and talked about Luke. I didn't realize it before, but he is very closeted. He likes to keep up his butch persona. And it fits him, too. But she knows he's gay, and she also knows he wants to keep it down. Apparently, their dad isn't aware of it, and they don't think he would handle it too well. Now the only thing left is that girl in the picture.
Dr. Balis: What girl? What picture?
Mr. Rozzi: I don't know if I mentioned this to you. Luke graduated from high school early so he could go into modeling more seriously. Before he left school, he was into all the sports--baseball, football, and all that. He played on the football team, and there's this picture of him in his uniform and this girl--this cheerleader--looking real chummy. It couldn't have been taken more than even a year ago.
Dr. Balis: What bothers you about it?
Mr. Rozzi: Well, it did sort of bother me at first, but now I'm just real curious. When I asked his sister about the girl in the picture--the same girl that popped up in several other pictures as well--she just changed the subject. Without even blinking, she changed the subject. I asked her again, and she told me that the girl was just a friend of the family. Even Luke didn't want to talk about her. They acted all...I don't know, so disinterested. Too disinterested. And then they wouldn't say anymore. It's another one of those gut-feeling things, you know?
Dr. Balis: It's good to heed those feelings sometimes. Who do you think she is?
Mr. Rozzi: I don't know. An ex-girlfriend, I guess. It must be, and I bet she broke his heart or something. They both acted almost ominous about it. It was pretty weird. And another weird thing happened. Actually, this was just the night before last. I was asleep in my bed and I heard something and woke up. Well, at least I thought I was awake. I looked up because I heard someone in my room, and when I looked up, I saw Benny. He was standing right over the bed and he was crying, telling me how sorry he was and how much he wants me to forgive him. The next thing I knew, I was awake, the room was empty, and the morning light was just starting to touch things in my room, making everything all glimmer. My window was open, and I looked out and down the trellis thing there and thought for a while. Why would Benny be visiting me in my dreams so vividly? Why now? That gut thing again tells me I'm going to be hearing something about him. But there's nothing yet. Wow! It really stuck with me--this dream--and it was so real. My heart nearly stopped there for a moment. But the most bizarre part of it was that my window was open. And you know how cold it's been here lately--I don't open the window at night.
Dr. Balis: Maybe Ralph opened it?
Mr. Rozzi: He said he didn't. I don't know, I must have had it opened and then didn't lock it right. It's one of those swing out kind. Maybe the wind pulled it open, I don't know. But it was weird timing, with the Benny dream and all.
Dr. Balis: I understand. Well, Alex, I'm afraid we're just about out of time. I'm going away for a vacation during the next two weeks, so let's schedule the next appointment for January 28th at five p.m. There will be a doctor on call in case any emergencies come up. And you can still reach me by phone in a crisis.
Mr. Rozzi: Gee, Doctor, you sure take a lot of vacations: two weeks off, one week on, and then two more weeks off. I wish school worked that way! Well, Happy New Year, Doc! See you in a couple of weeks!
Dr. Balis: Okay, then. Take care, Alex.
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