Transcript of 25th Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Mr. Alex Rozzi, Wednesday, November 26, 1997 at 5:00 pm.

Mr. Rozzi: Hey, Doc, how are you doing?
Dr. Balis: Hello, Alex. You seem to be in a good mood today. How are things going?
Mr. Rozzi: Things are going good, I guess. I just saw Katherine, and she invited me to go to dinner with her and her brother. I think she said his name was Phillip. He's doing this mural thing over at U.C.S.F., and she's going to take me to meet him and show me his work. She's so cool!
Dr. Balis: Great.
Mr. Rozzi: Yeah, I can't wait to meet this guy and see his stuff. It always inspires me to check out someone else's work, you know? And then Katherine, well...I'm just so happy that she asked me. After dinner, I'm going to invite them over to the house, and she can see the painting that I'm doing for her. Or maybe she can pick out something else, if she doesn't like the one I started already. There's a lot to choose from.
Dr. Balis: Hmm.
Mr. Rozzi: Yeah, I'm glad things are going so well with Kathereine. I'm happy!
Dr. Balis: I can see that. How are things going otherwise? Are you getting enough rest?
Mr. Rozzi: Yeah, actually I am. I've been sleeping pretty much through the night...well, except for the high drama last Thursday night. But other then that night, I've been sleeping.
Dr. Balis: What happened last Thursday?
Mr. Rozzi: Well, remember that guy I told you about--Ralph's tenant, the drunk? He got himself thrown in jail or something. That night--and for the past few weeks really--he's been acting real weird and shit. He's so out of control, you know? Anyway, I guess one of his friends was over. Then the friend must have called the police on him after he left. First, I heard the sound of police radios outside, and then Ralph told me to come over to the window. The backyard was full up with cops, and they had their guns drawn and stuff.
Dr. Balis: Really?
Mr. Rozzi: Yeah, and you know what was going on? He had all these guns all loaded up and laid out on the tables. And when the cops knocked on his door, he pointed one of them at the cop. It was like the angry white guy syndrome, you know? So they took him away on...what did they call it? A fifty-one fifty. They took him for a seventy-two hour observation or something. But now, they are keeping him longer because he's nuts. Shit! He's so lucky they didn't shoot him or something, you know? But Ralph...well, he had a fit over the guns. He's evicting the guy now. So we're finally going to be rid of him, and I say, "Good riddance!"
Dr. Balis: Sounds like a dangerous person to have right in your backyard.
Mr. Rozzi: Remember I told you how wrong the dude was? I knew it all along--he was a live wire out of control. But now, he's gone, and that's just fine by me. Oh yeah, and Tony's back. We went up and picked him up last Saturday, Ralph and I. Tony got pissed at his mom and Marney and told them all to go back to France, so they aren't even around right now. They were meddling too much in his shit, you know? But he's home now, and what a mess he has at his house. I guess after they found Tom dead that day, the police or something went into the house and went through their stuff. So Tony has a bit of a mess to deal with.
Dr. Balis: I'm glad to hear he's home. St. Helena is a very good place.
Mr. Rozzi: Yeah well, he has done okay. It hasn't been easy for him though, and he still has a lot to do--weekly meetings and stuff. But for the most part, he's done pretty well. I'm glad to have him back. Now, Luke's just a little jealous, though.
Dr. Balis: Why? Tony's just your friend, right?
Mr. Rozzi: He is. But he's also older, and he's very good-looking--he's almost as attractive as Luke. Luke just doesn't understand yet, but he will, I know it. I told him that Tony is an old friend--like a brother or something--and that's all, nothing more. He'll understand, eventually. I told him that his jealousy is his own insecurity and that he has nothing to worry about.
Dr. Balis: Hmm.
Mr. Rozzi: Yeah, he'll get over it. I invited them both for Thanksgiving at my mom's, and they both accepted. By the way, what are you doing for Thanksgiving? Do you want to come over, too? You met my mom before, and I'm sure she would love to have you--in more ways than one! Oh, but she has Mark for that now, doesn't she? Why don't you come?
Dr. Balis: Thanks for the invitation, Alex, but I already have plans. I appreciate the offer.
Mr. Rozzi: After all you've done for me, it's the least I can do. But if you have something else lined up...
Dr. Balis: I do, but thank you for asking.
Mr. Rozzi: No problem. I baked some bread and made cranberry sauce, all from scratch. I even made some chocolate truffles, too.
Dr. Balis: Sounds delicious.
Mr. Rozzi: It will be. Oh shit! I got to call my mom and tell her that I won't be bringing it all over there tonight. I forgot that I told her I would. She gets all worried if everything isn't in front of her face, you know? Maybe she'll come and get the stuff herself.
Dr. Balis: I'm sure it will work out.
Mr. Rozzi: Yeah, it always does, you know? And Aunt Sofie is doing most of the cooking. She hasn't really ever gotten back to normal since being in the hospital, but she insists on doing most of the cooking anyway. It's fine by me, because my mom can't cook as good as Sofie.
Dr. Balis: Sounds like it will be a nice day.
Mr. Rozzi: As long as mom and I get along, it should be. Oh! You know what Jake did with my paintings? He has them hung up in his office, so that he can look at them from his desk. Isn't that cool?
Dr. Balis: That's nice, Alex.
Mr. Rozzi: Yeah, I guess he wants them himself. Since all the craziness has subsided, I'm understanding things better. Like I told you last time, if he actually sold them, I don't know how I could ever top that, you know? But Sunday, I went out with Selvin and Esther. We went to some galleries and looked at a lot of different styles of work. And then, the three of us went back to Ester's and did some painting together. It's been real nice working with them. I'm learning a lot.
Dr. Balis: That's good. Sounds like you're feeling much better. How are the racing thoughts?
Mr. Rozzi: Well, I seem to always have that. But this week, they seem to not be so important. They're not running my life, you know? The songs still run in my head though, and that can be real annoying sometimes, particularly when I wake up with one in my head. When that happens, it doesn't go away that easily. If I find that song and play it a couple times on the CD player, then the song goes away. But it only goes away after I've played it a few times. This was driving Ralph crazy, so I had to start doing it with my headphones, only then I would sing along. Ralph says I should be an entertainer--I remember words and inflections of songs real well. He gets a big kick out of it.
Dr. Balis: Hmm. It seems like the sleep is doing its job; you don't appear irritable or cranky.
Mr. Rozzi: I'm not. Not at all. You know, when I feel good, it's hard to describe what it's like to feel bad. And when I feel bad, I can't even remember what it's like to be okay. Does that make sense?
Dr. Balis: Yes, it makes perfect sense. Many people feel the same way, Alex. I'm glad to know that you're better, and it really shows.
Mr. Rozzi: I do feel much better. But...
Dr. Balis: But what?
Mr. Rozzi: Well, this year, Thanksgiving is not on Benny's birthday. Last year, it was. And I've been thinking about it a lot. Last Thanksgiving I spent with Benny and Dora, and we celebrated his birthday as well. When I think about stuff like that, I feel sad.
Dr. Balis: Why?
Mr. Rozzi: Well, uh...I don't know. I think that I really loved him, you know? At least I thought I loved him. He was everything to me: a friend, a brother, a father, and a lover. Kind of sick, huh?
Dr. Balis: I wouldn't...
Mr. Rozzi: Well, doesn't sound incestuous?
Dr. Balis: Why would you think that?
Mr. Rozzi: Sometimes, I think it's sick because I did feel like he was the father I never had, you know? My mentor--I was so stupid.
Dr. Balis: I don't think you were stupid at all, Alex. There's nothing wrong with loving someone. And Benny was your mentor. And--as messed up as things became--you loved him.
Mr. Rozzi: Yeah? But look what he turned out to be. He lied to me and cheated me. He stole a part of me that can never be reclaimed.
Dr. Balis: I understand what you mean. It's okay to have these feelings. As conflicting as they are, it's okay.
Mr. Rozzi: I know, it's just...well, it's like...I don't know. I guess I've been thinking about it these past few days.
Dr. Balis: It takes a long time to get over an emotional trauma. I wouldn't be surprised if even years later, thoughts of Benny pop up every now and then.
Mr. Rozzi: Yeah, I guess. I don't know. I wish that the trial would get started, and we can be over that, you know?
Dr. Balis: I understand. It would help to get the trial behind you. Do you know when it will start?
Mr. Rozzi: From what Cecil told me, as long as Benny is in the mental ward, it may be delayed for months. They say that he isn't fit for trial. It's so fucked! Damn it! How did we get on this subject? I don't want this dragging me down, not when I'm supposed to be going out with Katherine and meeting her brother. Shit!
Dr. Balis: I can understand your frustration, Alex.
Mr. Rozzi: Frustration is a understatement! Damn it! Now, we got to stop talking about this for now. Aren't we out of time yet?
Dr. Balis: Almost.
Mr. Rozzi: Maybe we should wrap this up now. Katherine is coming back to pick me up, and I don't want her to be waiting for me outside. Do you think I should invite her and her brother for Thanksgiving? And are you sure you don't want to come over, too?
Dr. Balis: No, Alex, I can't make it. I'm going out of town.
Mr. Rozzi: It's going to be a good Thanksgiving, I just know it. Now, if I can just get my mind off last Thanksgiving...
Dr. Balis: Just keep your mind on the moment, on what's happening right now...
Mr. Rozzi: I know, I know. Sometimes, it's easier said than done, you know?
Dr. Balis: I know how it is.
Mr. Rozzi: Well, I'm going to go now.
Dr. Balis: I'll see you next week. Have a great Thanksgiving with your friends and family, Alex.
Mr. Rozzi: Thanks and you, too.
Dr. Balis: Goodbye, Alex.
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