Transcript of 72nd Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Mr. Alex Rozzi, Wednesday, December 16, 1998 at 5:00 pm.

Mr. Rozzi: Hey, Doc.
Dr. Balis: Hello, Alex. How...
Mr. Rozzi: You don't have to be so nice, you know, especially since you're leaving for such a long time. You did this last year, and I was thinking that things were going to be different this year, but...well, I don't know.
Dr. Balis: What's wrong, Alex? Last week, you seemed fine about this.
Mr. Rozzi: Well, that was last week, dude! This week, I'm not so sure. I didn't have time to think about it when you first told me. But now...well, now I've turned it over and over in my head for a week, along with everything else that's been on my mind. It's frustrating!
Dr. Balis: What's frustrating?
Mr. Rozzi: This obsessive-compulsive thing I'm doing lately. I hate it.
Dr. Balis: What do you mean by turning things over in your mind?
Mr. Rozzi: Well, that's one of the ways that I get obsessive. The other ways in which I obsess are with my bicycle riding and with my baking.
Dr. Balis: Hmm?
Mr. Rozzi: Well, while I ride my bike, I catch myself counting each time I pump the pedals. That's kind of weird, I think. I usually lose track, though, when I get into the high hundreds. The other thing I just realized I do is bake in extraordinarily excessive amounts. This past weekend, I baked eighteen dozen cinnamon rolls for the Alliance Art and Bake Sale--way more than they asked me for. Plus, I baked twelve dozen chocolate chip cookies. I made a bunch of truffles and...oh, baked a bunch of other kinds of cookies, too. I'm so prolific in the kitchen lately, I make Martha Stewart look lazy! Oh, that reminds me. Here's a pack of truffles for you. Merry Christmas!
Dr. Balis: Thank you, Alex. They look wonderful.
Mr. Rozzi: Yeah, each time you bite into one, you're going to think of me, and how you left me here like this, and how pissed I am about it.
Dr. Balis: Alex...
Mr. Rozzi: You were the one who said you were going to stand by me and help me see all this through. Now what am I going to do?
Dr. Balis: Alex, I am standing by you. I'm not leaving forever; it's not that long really. You can go and see Doctor Whitestone in the meantime. She's very nice. I was very careful in picking my substitute. It will be all right, Alex.
Mr. Rozzi: Yeah...
Dr. Balis: Where do you find the time for all this baking? It sounds like it takes both a lot of work and time to do all that you've described.
Mr. Rozzi: I just make the time, I guess. It's easy for me. Luke has this great kitchen with lots of counter space and a double oven. I used his bread machine to make the dough for the cinnamon rolls, and the rest was super easy. Katherine came by and helped me load everything into the car, and we drove over to the Alliance on Saturday. I noticed that something is still up with her. She won't say what, but something is definitely going on. She says nothing is wrong, but...well, I don't know. I just can tell there's something. I even had this dream where she was crying and nothing I could say or do would make her stop. I remember something she said in the dream: "It's never easy, no matter what they say." That sort of stuck with me for some reason. I don't know why, but I guess it's true.
Dr. Balis: Hmm. Why do you think that?
Mr. Rozzi: Well, let me fill you in on what happened since last week, and you'll see why. We had the preliminary hearing with that weird judge. As soon as I saw him, I thought, "Oh, great!"
Dr. Balis: Why? Who is he?
Mr. Rozzi: You haven't heard of the guy they call the Style Counsel?
Dr. Balis: No.
Mr. Rozzi: He's obsessed with what clothes people wear in his court. He'll look you up and down and sometimes make a comment about your clothes. There was a feature in the Sunday paper about him recently. He's friends with Mayor Willie Brown--figures, huh? The last time I saw this judge was when I beat up that guy about two years ago. I was wearing all black, with my nose ring and my long hair. He didn't like me then. I think he said I looked "sickly," which I probably did. And this time, just like the police, he recognized me! Shit! He knew me by name, instantly. He looked down his nose at me and said, "Well, Mr. Rozzi, I see you have discovered color for your wardrobe, hmm?" I was all, "At least my pants don't hang halfway down my ass looking twenty sizes too big!" Well, that didn't impress him, but I think I saw a hint of a smile on his face after I said that. Anyway, he's a tough judge. And he decided there is enough evidence against me to hold a trial.
Dr. Balis: Hmm. I see.
Mr. Rozzi: Yeah, they're charging me with an aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. Cecil was surprised when the judge said it, I could see that much. Later, Cecil said that the judge was going to make an example of me for being through his court before. He told me to keep my mouth shut from now on.
Dr. Balis: That sounds like a very good advice.
Mr. Rozzi: Yeah. Cecil tried to argue my defense--that I only acted after I was abducted and assaulted myself--but it didn't matter. That damn judge has it in for me. Benny was the one who violated the restraining order first by finding me that night. Cecil somehow managed to find two people who saw Benny blocking the sidewalk in front of me when we had our little exchange. Yet Cecil thinks that these witnesses could go either way--they could either help or hurt us. I'm just not sure what he meant by that.
Dr. Balis: You should ask him. The more you know about your situation and the more you understand, the better off you are.
Mr. Rozzi: So, it was kind of a surprise to me that they're going to have a trial when everything was so clear to me. I wasn't the one who hurt him. I just terrorized him a bit. On tape. But I didn't do anything other than that. That tape is what did me in. If I hadn't done that, I wouldn't be in so much mess now. The only good thing is that Cecil went to the DA and plea-bargained my charge down from a felony to a misdemeanor assault, which is better for me, I guess.
Dr. Balis: Are you going to take it?
Mr. Rozzi: What?
Dr. Balis: Are you going to take the plea bargain?
Mr. Rozzi: What do you mean?
Dr. Balis: Well, my understanding is that the charge is reduced to a misdemeanor only if you plead guilty. If you insist on a trial, they'll try you on the felony charge.
Mr. Rozzi: Well, that's important--leave it to you to point out the obvious.
Dr. Balis: Alex...
Mr. Rozzi: The big question is whether I'll get convicted--it's that "if" part. Doctor Elgin will testify on my behalf and will show all the evidence he collected for that kit-thing...the rape kit. I'm very lucky to have ran into Katherine that night. If I hadn't seen her then, I would never had gone to a doctor at all. Hell, I wouldn't have even thought about it. Since that night, I've been running like a crazy person--there's so many things to do. And I constantly feel like I have no time to do anything. One minute, I'm happy--I'm happy about the good things in my life, about Luke and Katherine, about Ralph getting better, about all those things that I make me happy. Then, with no warning, I'm on the floor with my head in my hands, down on my knees, crying like a baby. Everything is so confusing. And to top of it all, you're going away!
Dr. Balis: I'm sorry, Alex. Doctor Whitestone...
Mr. Rozzi: Save it, Doc! I'm not talking to someone else, okay? No way! I'll be fine, really I will. It's okay. Just go and don't worry about me. I'll get through it.
Dr. Balis: Alex...
Mr. Rozzi: What? All right, I'm sorry. It's just that...well, it's kind of a shock to me that you're really going away. And in case you haven't noticed, I'm kind of having a rough time here lately, okay?
Dr. Balis: I know you are, Alex. But I'll come back. I promise.
Mr. Rozzi: Well, let's not talk about this anymore, okay? The other thing I'm obsessing about is Luke. He's decided to come back earlier than I originally thought.
Dr. Balis: Really?
Mr. Rozzi: I'm going around and around, wondering what I should do. He and I never lived together before, and I was just getting used to being alone at his place. It's not a small place, but it's not big either...well, compared to what I'm used to, that is. I've never lived in a house with less than four bedrooms before. Ralph has four. My mom has five. And Katherine has five, or maybe there's more than that, I can't remember. And now I'm alone in a one-bedroom place, and it's okay. But when Luke gets back, it will be cramped. Plus, I don't even know what he's going to expect from me. And right now, as we speak, he is packing his car and a trailer with his stuff, and he's going to drive back and be here in time for Christmas. I think he's overly-excited, and he's going to come back expecting a lot. And I'm just not sure I can give him a lot, at least right now. Do you see what I mean by things being not so easy?
Dr. Balis: You should have a conversation with Luke before he arrives. Tell him what you just told me--life is very difficult for you right now, and it's hard for you to make emotional commitments...
Mr. Rozzi: I've told him that, but we're talking about Luke--when he puts his mind to something, he does it. I know I'm trying to predict the future here, but it's not so good. I know I can go back to Ralph's, but I just don't know right now. Oh, did I tell you what my mother did?
Dr. Balis: No. What did she do?
Mr. Rozzi: It's not a bad thing, actually, surprisingly. She sent Katherine a huge, fancy gift basket from Macy's, with a bunch of teas, hot chocolate, and all kinds of stuff. My mother put a card, saying "Happy Holidays." And then she wrote a small note to Katherine, saying something like, "Thank you for graciously accepting my apology and for being such a good friend to Alex." I was all, "Check all the packages to make sure nothing's been tampered with!" Katherine just laughed; she thought it surprising that my mother went to such expense and trouble to show her appreciation. I'm still not sure what this is about, though.
Dr. Balis: What do you mean?
Mr. Rozzi: This thing going on with's so surreal. My mother is being nice. Larraine? Nice? So unreal! Is she dying or what? Maybe I should ask her.
Dr. Balis: I understand your apprehension. You have good reasons. But try to give her a chance, see what develops.
Mr. Rozzi: Well, she hasn't really given me any reason to trust her yet. It's just that this is too bizarre. Why is she being nice all of a sudden? I still don't trust her. She can easily go off at any moment, she's such a psycho-bitch! Katherine is even wondering what she's up to, you know? Plus, you should see her. She's been dressing up real nice, not tacky but nice. She's wearing Christmas colors and smiling a lot. She even gave presents to everyone. I don't know, it makes me wonder. My cousin Ethan said to me the other day, "Your mom is so cool." I wanted to punch him for that, but I just looked at him with little daggers in my eyes...little does he know. I've told you about Ethan, right?
Dr. Balis: Yes, you've mentioned him.
Mr. Rozzi: Well, I've become his official tour guide. I just wish I could get him to lose the blue hair and mascara. He's escaping from something in New York, that's why he's here.
Dr. Balis: What makes you think that?
Mr. Rozzi: It's just a feeling. He probably got into some sort of trouble back home and came here to escape. He told me that when I asked him about his father I touched a nerve. He said he doesn't want Rosemarie to know that he had been trying to figure out who his father is because she won't tell him herself. I think now I'm beginning to see what's between my mom and her--they're too much alike. But Ethan plays his mother a little differently than I have. He just pretends that it doesn't really matter, and somehow he usually gets his way. I knew that something was up with that, I just knew it! So I got Ethan involved with the Alliance, and he's helping with the name tags for the big fund-raiser-dinner-party-dance-thing they're having this weekend. He knows calligraphy. Are you going to the fund-raiser?
Dr. Balis: No. I got an invitation, but I'll be out of town then.
Mr. Rozzi: Well, it's pretty expensive from what I've heard. Katherine is involved with it, and they're having it at the Marriott downtown. It's something like two hundred dollars a plate. I can't even imagine.
Dr. Balis: That's a lot of money.
Mr. Rozzi: Well, that will be the day. So I guess I've told you all the things I'm obsessing about. I don't know what to do about them. A lot of it is out of my hands anyway. The trial begins soon. It's going to happen while you're gone. Christmas is going to happen while you're away, too. You sure picked a screwed time to go.
Dr. Balis: Alex, you'll be fine. Just remember to seek out the support you need from the people who care about. Katherine is there for you.
Mr. Rozzi: She's busy.
Dr. Balis: And there's Ralph.
Mr. Rozzi: He's busy, too.
Dr. Balis: And it sounds like you have a new friend in Ethan.
Mr. Rozzi: Yeah, you're reaching, dude.
Dr. Balis: And things are going fairly well with your mother...
Mr. Rozzi: Don't even go there! Dude, sometimes I can't tell if you are joking or not!
Dr. Balis: Alex, there may be many things in your life that seem unsure or doubtful right now. But I know you have this natural faith in yourself, and it's that faith that will keep you going. In your darkest moments of doubt or fear, your faith in yourself will pull you through. You'll be fine. And the time will go by in a flash...
Mr. Rozzi: Yeah, for you, maybe. Well, I guess I should head out now.
Dr. Balis: Alex, happy holidays and please, take care of yourself.
Mr. Rozzi: Thanks, dude. Uh, you too.
Dr. Balis: I'll see you when I return. Here's Doctor Whitestone's card.
Mr. Rozzi: Thanks, but I've already told you that I'm not talking to anyone else. So you can save your card for the next person.
Dr. Balis: Okay, but if you find that you need her, my answering service can easily...
Mr. Rozzi: Okay. Well, later, I guess.
Dr. Balis: Goodbye, Alex. I'll see you soon.
Mr. Rozzi: Yeah, okay, dude. Bye!
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Button to Dr. Balis' Notes Doctor Balis' Notes on this Session

Button to Alex Rozzi's Transcripts Transcripts of Alex Rozzi's Communications
Button to Alex Rozzi's Patient File Alex Rozzi's Patient File

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