Transcript of 11th Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Ms. Anna Green, Thursday, September 12th, 1996 at 4 pm.

Ms. Green: Hello Doctor. I'm so sorry I'm this late. I was at the Seybold Conference at the Moscone Center. SII has a booth there and I've been running around for the last couple of days. We are trying to feature our products and check out the competition and all that. You know you should go too, Doctor. I bet you don't know half the stuff that goes on at SII. This would give you a good idea of what's out there and what we are trying to do. And you might just like it, if you don't mind large crowds. Personally I get a bit claustrophobic in situations like these but...I am really sorry that I'm late.
Dr. Balis: Hello Anna. I understand, but do try to be on time for our sessions.
Ms. Green: I'll try never to let this happen again. I hate to think that you might've been angry with me.
Dr. Balis: I wasn't angry, Anna.
Ms. Green: Oh good. I was worried. You know, you are one of the nicest men I know. Other men just wait for an opportunity to take advantage of you. But you listen and understand, and I never get a feeling that you would use anything I say to you to hurt me. I just hope that you don't find me too boring.
Dr. Balis: I'm glad you trust me, Anna. And you really don't have to worry about being boring. Besides for being irrelevant, you are a complex and interesting woman who I venture to guess is never boring. Now why don't we talk about your week. How have you been feeling?
Ms. Green: I've been thinking about what you said about using sex to get people to like me. I'm not sure that this is exactly what I'm doing. I think that my mannerisms come out as being flirty or something. But I am honestly not aware of coming on to people. And I'm always taken by surprise when men would say to me that I have been acting as if I wanted them.
Dr. Balis: What do you think it is that men are misinterpreting?
Ms. Green: I don't know. I've always felt free to talk about things I feel or think. Just because I might have a fantasy about someone, doesn't mean that I actually want to fulfill any of it.
Dr. Balis: What do you mean?
Ms. Green: One of the guys at work called me a tease. But I know I'm not. Just because we have cubicles next to each other and I sometimes come over and rub his shoulders doesn't mean that I want him. I'm just being nice.
Dr. Balis: So all you did was rub his shoulders?
Ms. Green: Pretty much. Well, we also talk about sex a lot. But I'm the only female in my department. The guys all talk about it so I do too. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. They don't think of themselves as coming on to each other, do they? So why should it be different with me?
Dr. Balis: What kind of things do they talk about?
Ms. Green: They talk about their dates and if they had sex. They talk about what they like. Sometimes I think they do things just to see if I get shocked or offended. But I never do. I think it's fun. I get to learn this way.
Dr. Balis: Did they always talk about sex in front of you?
Ms. Green: No. Before I started to date Bill, they were always on their best behavior around me. They never even cursed or anything. I think they thought of me as very proper. Or maybe Julian talked to them about me and how to behave.
Dr. Balis: Julian's your boss?
Ms. Green: Yeah. In any case, after Bill they all sort of loosened up. Somehow, the whole Bill things made me more human. I even stay for their stag parties after hours sometimes.
Dr. Balis: What kind of parties?
Ms. Green: Oh, sometimes the guys would go out to rent movies and get a pizza. And then the whole department would get together in our conference room and just party. The movies usually tend to be of questionable taste. But that's where I saw my first x-rated flick. I'm amazed that they like this sort of thing. There's never a story line and they are not emotionally satisfying a bit. They are all just about doing it. Now I just stay if they get some horror stuff. The porno thing is just not for me.
Dr. Balis: Your department gets together to watch porno movies at SII?
Ms. Green: Sometimes. It's not a big deal, really. From what they talk about, the only person who seems to get laid there is David. And he's a real cad.
Dr. Balis: I see. And Julian knows all about this?
Ms. Green: Sure. He is the one who usually gets the movies. But I want to tell you about David.
Dr. Balis: Yes?
Ms. Green: You wouldn't believe what he did.
Dr. Balis: Hmm?
Ms. Green: He finally got me alone in the copy room. I don't know how he managed it because I've been very careful at avoiding being alone with him. But he did. He asked if I would be interested in staying late at SII that night. Everyone would be at the conference and then would probably go home and not come back to the office. So he thought we could go for a repeat performance, so to speak. I told him that I wasn't interested in a relationship with him. And he said that was all right, he wasn't interested in getting seriously involved with me either. He just thought that we might get together just for sex. He said that since we both know that we are HIV negative there wouldn't be any risk and we could really have some fun with no strings attached. Imagine that? He just wanted to use me to get some tensions out. I told him that he could use something inflatable if he was that desperate.
Dr. Balis: I see.
Ms. Green: But he kept saying that I just don't know how good he is. And if I just give him a chance to reciprocate, I would know what true sexual pleasure is really like and so on. Finally, I just told him that I would rather use a vibrator--no emotional attachments, no fear of pregnancy, and it would definitely feel a hell of a lot better.
Dr. Balis: Do you use vibrators?
Ms. Green: Caren got me one as a present some months ago. At first I though it was really sick. But now it's sort of a guilty pleasure. When I am with a man, I'm too self conscious and busy dealing with him to really let go and enjoy myself. With the vibrator, it's all about me and how I feel. And I tend to have very elaborate fantasies when I do it just works for me.
Dr. Balis: Could you describe some of the fantasies?
Ms. Green: I feel very self conscious about them.
Dr. Balis: If you would rather not...
Ms. Green: No. I don't think it would be that bad telling them to you, Doctor. Well, it's usually nothing very specific. Just a collections of feelings. But there was this letter that I read in a Penthouse magazine once. It was about a woman standing in a crowd at night watching fireworks. It's really warm and she is wearing a summer dress with a long full skirt. There are lots of people all around her watching the fireworks. Suddenly, she feels a pair of hands gently caressing her hips. She finds this very exciting and it turns her on. She begins to feel a man pressing against her back. Then his hands slowly lift her skirt above her waist in the back and she could feel him pushing inside her. She never turns around to see him and just enjoys the feeling. I found this story very exciting somehow.
Dr. Balis: Do you fantasize about being that woman?
Ms. Green: Not exactly. Please understand that in real life I would hate all of this. But in a fantasy...there is just something about it. A feeling of being taken and being out of control somehow. I think that that is what turns me on. Letting go like that. Not knowing what's going to happen next. When I use the vibrator, I fantasize about this feeling of being out of control. I'm not really sure if I'm explaining it well, Doctor. It's like a feeling of surrender.
Dr. Balis: Did you ever have this fantasy when you are with a partner?
Ms. Green: Yes. It's much harder though. There is too much to think about when you are with another person. You know the first time I had an orgasm it was with Bill. We were having intercourse and it just took me by surprise. It never really happened that way again. Maybe I just knew too much or was hoping for it to happen and that interfered somehow with this whole process. I don't know. I told Caren about it and that's when she gave me the vibrator. She even said that it was better than any men she had and she's had quite a few.
Dr. Balis: So most of your sexual fantasies are about losing control in a sexual situation?
Ms. Green: Pretty much. Remember when I told you about hot tub jets?
Dr. Balis: Yes.
Ms. Green: The jets of water are sort of like that.
Dr. Balis: What do you mean?
Ms. Green: You can't control how the water flows. In any case, we are terribly out of time. I will try never to be late again.
Dr. Balis: Okay. Our next session is on Thursday, September 19th at 4 pm, okay?
Ms. Green: That's great. I'll see you then. Goodbye Doctor. Think good things about me.
Dr. Balis: Your conference is on tomorrow too, right? I saw a coupon for a free pass in the newspaper so maybe I will stop by. Goodbye, Anna.
Ms. Green: I'll look for you, Doctor.
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