Transcript of 12th Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Mr. Joseph Mazurka, Monday, October 21, 1996 at 4 pm.

Mr. Mazurka: Okay here I am. What fucked-up part of me are we going to fix today?
Dr. Balis: I don't know Joe, is anything bothering you?
Mr. Mazurka: My knuckles are still tender from a couple weeks ago, that fight I told you about. Not much else wrong with me.
Dr. Balis: You don't feel guilty at all for what you did?
Mr. Mazurka: I told you, it was self-defense. I was saving this lady from a guy who was bothering her--just like a hero in the movies--and the guy took a slug at me. What was I supposed to do, kiss him?
Dr. Balis: What about what happened after that?
Mr. Mazurka: You mean with that spacy chick? What about it? Yeah I remember, you were calling it rape or something. What a crock of shit--you don't have a clue. Not that I've got anything against it, I'm just a little old for that sort of thing. I guess I just don't have the energy anymore.
Dr. Balis: So you're not feeling any remorse at all for any of it?
Mr. Mazurka: Look, I wouldn't have told you that story if I'd known you were going to go on like this. It was just one of those things that happen, okay? Why don't we just drop it?
Dr. Balis: So you're feeling just fine about everything?
Mr. Mazurka: I didn't say that. There's a lot of problems that bother me a lot.
Dr. Balis: Like what for instance?
Mr. Mazurka: Race-mixing, for one. It used to be a crime--it still should be--and now it's in your face wherever you go. And they're outbreeding us, four to one. You do the math. It's an epidemic the way we're going. Soon there won't be any white people left--everybody will just be different shades of brown. It's got to be stopped and soon. That and the goddamn faggots. It's disgusting, that's what it is. What with AIDS and all, there's a lot of places I can't even stand to eat in anymore. You can't go anywhere without seeing them flaunting it in the street. A lot of the so-called hookers around here are actually these freaky queer guys. Sometimes they've even been nutted and had their units turned inside out or something to make fake cunts. Imagine waking up with something like that in bed with you. I'd lose it for sure.
Dr. Balis: You are worrying about inter-racial marriage and homosexuals? What does this have to do with you? I don't think you need to to search all that far for issues to try and deal with.
Mr. Mazurka: Sometimes you've got to step back and get the big picture. White men have to stand up for what's ours or it's all going to slip out from under us. Don't think it won't. Do you think those "Afro-Americans" want to be your pals? Dance on your grave's more like it. They hate us and we hate them. The only question is who's going to win this race war that's started already. What about you, you got any guns in your house? How are you going to defend yourself when the time comes? You just going to ask them why they're feeling so aggressive and if they liked their mommies too much? They'll stick your head on a pole.
Dr. Balis: I guess I've got better things to worry about. Are you sure you don't?
Mr. Mazurka: What's the matter with you? Don't you care what's happening to your race? Do you think for a moment those black kids on the street care two shits for all that liberal bullshit about how equal you want them to be? They'd kill you just for the fun of it and if they ever got caught, which is doubtful, they'd get away with it because they're disadvantaged and never got any opportunities. Boo hoo hoo. You should join us before it's too late.
Dr. Balis: That's you and who else? What are you planning to do?
Mr. Mazurka: That's for me to know and you to read about when it happens. But we're talking front page, front page for days...
Dr. Balis: If I really thought you were about to commit some sort of terrorist act, it would be my duty to stop you. I've told you that. Aren't you worried about the police? Don't you think you've gotten into enough trouble already?
Mr. Mazurka: If I ever thought you were going to the police...
Dr. Balis: I'm not. And I'll tell you why. Because I know you're bluffing when you hint about some shadowy group of supporters and I think you just like to shoot off your mouth with all this tough talk. You're a pathetic loser trying to compensate for all that's missing in yourself, getting a sense of power by abusing the people around you. You know your life's going down the tubes and instead of trying to turn things around, you spin these paranoid fantasies. Frankly, you disgust me.
Mr. Mazurka: Are you feeling better now that you finally spit that out? Is this part of my therapy or yours?
Dr. Balis: Does it matter? I don't think it really matters. You don't seem to have any interest in changing and I've about given up on you myself. What did you expect, miracles? All I can do is help people to understand themselves a little better and hope that this understanding will help them recognize what they are doing wrong so they can make some positive changes. Most people want to be happy, to get along with other people, to avoid destructive behavior. It seems like you aren't interested in any of this. You just want to indulge every evil impulse you have. I don't even want to listen to this shit anymore.
Mr. Mazurka: Ooh, you said "shit." Are you losing your cool? Is there anything I can do to help?
Dr. Balis: You've done enough already. Does it make you feel good to upset people? Is that why you keep coming back, just to get on my nerves?
Mr. Mazurka: Maybe that's part of it. I didn't think you were so thin-skinned though. I thought you shrinks had heard it all. I'm no worse than some, maybe other guys just put on more of an act. You're just not used to people being honest with you, I guess. But I'm just a straight-forward type--I say what I'm thinking. I thought that was what these sessions were supposed to be about.
Dr. Balis: That's part of it, but not the whole thing. I know you're angry and depressed. I just don't understand why you feel the need to wallow in it like you do. I wish you'd at least take the medication I prescribed. I think it would make a difference in your state of mind.
Mr. Mazurka: I'm angry and depressed for a lot of good reasons. What makes you think that a pill is going to make them all go away? That's what's the matter with this fucked-up country--if something's wrong, instead of fixing it, we just take some drug to make ourselves feel better about things. But if somebody wants to actually do something--whoa, he's an extremist--that might be dangerous, people might get hurt. Don't people realize that we're getting hurt already? But nobody listens, nobody cares. Everybody's too wrapped up in their job, or their family, or who knows what. They like to talk but they never show up...
Dr. Balis: Show up where? You're really trying to get other people involved in your delusions? That's not a positive thing to do. And you could really get in trouble--haven't you ever heard about conspiracy charges? Even if you never do any actual damage, just talking about doing it is against the law. We're talking major jail time. Am I getting through to you?
Mr. Mazurka: Maybe I've said too much already. Look can you do me a favor?
Dr. Balis: I doubt it. What do you want?
Mr. Mazurka: Just hold off with your suspicions, okay? Maybe what we're planning to do isn't such a bad thing after all. I think you've got me all wrong. You're building me up in your mind as some kind of devil or something, but I'm not like that. I'm just an average Joe that wants to do the right thing for the long term. Trust me, it's all for the good. Anyway I've got to run.
Dr. Balis: Goodbye Joe.
Mr. Mazurka: Goodbye Doc.
Arrow, Straight, Left, Earlier Arrow, Straight, Right, Later

Button to Dr. Balis' Notes Doctor Balis' Notes on this Session

Button to Joseph Mazurka's Transcripts Transcripts of Joseph Mazurka's Therapy Sessions
Button to Joseph Mazurka's File Joseph Mazurka's Patient File

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