Transcript of 34th Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Mr. Alex Rozzi, Wednesday, February 25, 1998 at 5:00 pm.

Mr. Rozzi: Hey, Doc. Sorry I'm late. The bus didn't come on time, as usual.
Dr. Balis: Hello, Alex. It's not a problem; I know how that is. So how are you this week?
Mr. Rozzi: Okay, I guess. Well, did Marty ever call you or what?
Dr. Balis: No, he didn't. Have you been going to school?
Mr. Rozzi: Yeah, I've been going. Not that I want to, but I've been going.
Dr. Balis: I'm glad. Did you get into any more trouble over it?
Mr. Rozzi: Well, I'm in detention right now. It's sort of reminding me of when I worked in the park last summer because I do clean-up work with this old dude janitor guy. He's all right, kind of quiet--bored maybe. I know I would be bored with his job. Yeah, they got me as a slave. But Marty and I had a nice long talk about school. I guess I better keep going if I want to graduate next year, or if I decide I want to graduate early. The thing is that I kept up with all my homework. I even got a couple of As, which surprised me, because I didn't really try. See, that's the problem with school, it's so boring. I am bored beyond description there these days. I don't know, I guess I have to live with it.
Dr. Balis: So you have no future plans for cutting again?
Mr. Rozzi: I didn't say that.
Dr. Balis: Well, Alex, if you start being a truant, then there won't be a lot I can do for you on that issue. You'll have to suffer the consequences.
Mr. Rozzi: I know. Marty said the same thing. I will try to keep myself entertained with it as much as I can. I don't like it. It's so far. It's like way far to go on the train to get to school. And then there's P.E.
Dr. Balis: What about P.E.?
Mr. Rozzi: I hate it, I totally hate it. I don't like competing with other guys in those stupid games. And I don't like having to change my clothes and shower publicly, it really bugs me. I just want to be able to keep my clothes on. I don't want other guys looking at me or seeing me without my clothes on.
Dr. Balis: It's not uncommon for people who have gone through what you have to feel this way, Alex.
Mr. Rozzi: There you go! Why do you keep on bringing that up?
Dr. Balis: It's not going to go away on it's own, Alex.
Mr. Rozzi: Yeah, but...well, I don't really want to go there right now, you know? I have a lot of other things on my mind. There's Roly and Benny. And now, there's Aaron and my mom and Mark. Plus, I brought more art work for Jake to look at, and he was surprised. I showed him some of my stippling work, and he really liked it. But my little brother and my mom are home now--they turned her loose last Sunday, one week after he was born, and she's been a bitch ever since. Oh, and those flowers? You know the ones I thought Katherine sent? Well, she didn't send them, they were from everyone at SII. But I did get to talk to her on the phone, though. She said she sent a card to my mom, which was a nice thing to do considering everything. Katherine told me she had an accident while she was in Texas. I wished I made it here on time today so I could have seen her. Is she going to be okay?
Dr. Balis: She'll be fine.
Mr. Rozzi: Well, I was sort of worried about her. She sounded...I don't know, kind of shaky maybe. But check this: my mom is being like a complete total bitch. Since she came home with Aaron, she's been acting like she doesn't want me around, and she was practically ignoring the baby. Mark had to like force her to feed him and stuff. Sounds familiar, huh? She is such a bitch! Racyl told me that my mom wanted them to get me to leave or something, to talk me into just leaving. I was like, "This is so like her...the real her", you know? She was doing all right for a while. And now that she went through hell having this kid, she's going to make everyone pay. But you know what it reminds me of? It brings me back to the time I tried to talk to her about Joe. Okay, it's my turn to bring it up.
Dr. Balis: What happened when you tried to tell her about it?
Mr. Rozzi: Hello? Where have you been? Didn't I already tell you? I know I did.
Dr. Balis: You told me what the end result was, but you haven't described what actually happened.
Mr. Rozzi: Well, it was not long after my grandmother died when it happened. I remember it was just after I turned eleven. She died the day after Valentine's day and then...remember I told you that's when I moved in with her? Well, right across the street, all up and down that side of the street, there were apartment buildings. That was where both Joe and Benny lived. Not together, but they both lived in the same cluster of buildings. And Tony's family lived just up the block a bit. Anyway, ah...shit! I lost my thoughts again. What were we talking about?
Dr. Balis: You were going to tell me what happened when you tried to talk to your mother.
Mr. Rozzi: Oh yeah, right. Well, see...she was a party girl. She was either having a party at the house with her friends, usually guys, and they would drink and smoke and stuff. Or she was out on the town, partying. Well, it got to be so old so fast for me. I mean here were these indifferent assholes hanging around with my indifferent mother, drinking and acting like a bunch of fucked up screw-ups. I made the mistake of telling her something that sobered her up for more than a minute. That was a time when she would get up off her chair, and you could tell her head was spinning. I can't tell you how many times she fell on her butt then. One time, she fell back on the coffee table, and it broke in half! Sofie came in the next day and saw the table there on the floor in two pieces. And I didn't know what to say. So I told her that I broke it.
Dr. Balis: Why did you do that?
Mr. Rozzi: I don't know. I guess I didn't want her to know the truth about my mom, about her partying. My mom and I never spoke about the coffee table incident again after that. But I was real embarrassed about it--her partying and stuff. Tony even saw it, and so did Joe. That's how he got to me, you know?
Dr. Balis: What do you mean?
Mr. Rozzi: Well, he told me that if I told, she wouldn't do anything about it. And he was right. Plus, he said if I didn't go along, he'd kill her. He even broke into our house one time in the middle of the night to prove to me that he could easily get in and do what he said he would do. I was convinced, if you know what I mean and I think you do.
Dr. Balis: Hmm.
Mr. Rozzi: So when I tried to tell her, she just looked at me all cross-eyed and said that...well, she, you know I don't remember what she said. That's funny. I remember that soon after was when all the real trouble between her and me started, at least that's when I think it started. Who knows? She never wanted me, she doesn't want me around now. And now, she's starting off with Aaron by being a bitch. So go figure. But the weird thing is that Roly has been visiting me again.
Dr. Balis: You mean you're having dreams about him?
Mr. Rozzi: Well, yes and no. It started out as a dream. In the dream, I was there with him, and he was trying to tell me that I needed to fix, this thing, and it was all broken and stuff. But it was like my life depended on fixing this thing, whatever it was. Talk about a mixed message.
Dr. Balis: What message do you get from it?
Mr. Rozzi: Well, that's so obvious, duh. He was trying to console me, to get me through this...this...uh, this crap that I'm going through. But see, he still visits me. In the garden, on Saturday, Ralph and I were out there in the rain, pulling up weeds between the roses. And Roly just appeared out of nowhere, he just sort of popped up and was laughing at me. He told me that he never thought he'd see the day when I became complacent. And I was like, "Complacent?" He disappeared. So I was like hallucinating or something, don't you think?
Dr. Balis: Not necessarily. It's something I've heard of before. When someone you love dies, their image will sometimes, for lack of a better phrase, haunt you for a time. It's the unconscious mind working it all out.
Mr. Rozzi: Well, it seemed pretty real to me. Then, I was riding along on my bike in the rain, and I saw him standing on the corner. And he was smiling and waving at me. So I rode in his direction, and he started to run away. I called out to him, and he stopped. But then a truck rolled past, and he was gone. So, I'm feeling like I'm losing my mind. Oh, and that's the other thing. Saturday was a totally weird day. While we were in the garden, I heard what sounded like a lawn mower, and Ralph heard it, too. Then we realized what was going on. The lady next door, she's kind of strange. No, actually, she's kind of stupid. She was out there in the rain with an electric weed-whacker thing, taking out the overgrowth and stuff along the fence. I was thinking this bitch was going to french-fry herself, you know? Then she got her son--he's about four years younger than me--and handed it to him. And he started doing it! I told Ralph to stay away from the fence because it could conduct the electricity, it's one of those chain-link kind. But then, the woman started yelling at her son, telling him how stupid he was. And I was thinking, "Did you take lessons from my mom?" It reminded me of how my mom would sometimes talk to me--like I was stupid or something. But the weird and scary part was what we heard on the answering machine when we went back inside the house. Benny called.
Dr. Balis: He did?
Mr. Rozzi: He did. My heart stopped for a second, and then it felt like someone ripped it out of my chest, stomped on it, and then stuffed it back in real sloppy like.
Dr. Balis: What did he say?
Mr. Rozzi: Well, he said he wanted to talk to me, that he got my letter. He said he was grateful that I forgave him. Then, he started to cry. We played it back a couple times, and it was hard to make out what he said. But it sounded like he was sorry and all this other mumbled bullshit. I don't know if it was a full moon or something, but Saturday was a day to remember, if only for the weirdness.
Dr. Balis: Well, how do you feel about him calling you?
Mr. Rozzi: Huh? I don't know. I think I was surprised. It was the last thing I expected from him, so out of the blue. But it felt strange to hear him, to hear his voice, and have him go off like that all crying and shit. He never did anything like that before. My letter must have got to him, you know? I hope he doesn't call again. Right now, I am so over this, and then he called. Maybe that's what Roly was trying to tell me--that I got to fix this. He was trying to tell me something, that's for sure. He's really haunting me, you know? Oh yes, and the final part of all the weirdness was when Sael showed up. He just rang the doorbell Saturday night. He was in town back from school because his grandfather died. But he said he had to come see me before he went back to the East Coast. He said school is hectic, but he loves that kind of pace. If he had stayed here in the city, I would have been with him right now and not Luke, you know? I probably wouldn't even have met Luke. So I was visited by three men of my past this week, how about that? I hadn't thought about it like that before, you know?
Dr. Balis: It's been quite a week for you, Alex.
Mr. Rozzi: It has, I'm still reeling. But right now, I can't even go over to the house and see my little brother. Well, I mean I can, but I don't want to deal with her. It's too much for me right now.
Dr. Balis: It's probably a good idea to lay low right now. Your mother is still adjusting to everything, I'm sure.
Mr. Rozzi: Yeah, well. Oh yeah, I brought something for you. It's this drawing I did soon after I saw Fleetwood Mac in concert last summer. It's Stevie Nicks, and it's all dots. Kind of cool, huh?
Dr. Balis: Thanks, Alex. Well, we're just about out of time for today.
Mr. Rozzi: All right, Doctor. See you next week.
Dr. Balis: Goodbye, Alex.
Arrow, Straight, Left, Earlier Arrow, Straight, Right, Later

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