Transcript of 35th Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Mr. Alex Rozzi, Wednesday, March 4, 1998 at 5:00 pm.

Dr. Balis: Hello, Alex. Please come in.
Mr. Rozzi: Hey, Doc. Well, you'll never guess what my mom did.
Dr. Balis: More trouble, huh?
Mr. Rozzi: No, and that's what's so surprising. It's a good thing you're sitting down. She apologized to Katherine. Can you believe it?
Dr. Balis: She did?
Mr. Rozzi: You can get your chin off the floor now. It took me a minute to realize that I wasn't dreaming, too. Oh yeah, Katherine probably already told you about this. Oh, well. Anyway, I found out that she wanted to talk to Katherine from Katherine. Last Thursday, I went over to my mom's office to pick up some gifts and stuff from her co-workers, and I ran into Katherine. That's when I saw how hurt Katherine was in that accident she had in Texas--she was using a cane to get around. She told me she had a concussion, and then in the same breath, she told me my mom contacted her and invited her to come over to the house. I stopped her and asked if her concussion was making her delusional, but she insisted that's what my mom said. And you know those people over at SII? What a bunch of busy-bodies. I mean here I was talking with Katherine and feeling like I was on some kind of display or something.
Dr. Balis: Why did you feel like that?
Mr. Rozzi: I looked around and noticed that a lot of people were staring at Katherine and me, and they were all whispering and stuff. It was too weird. What business was it of theirs? I knew that they were talking about us; it was so obvious, they didn't even try to hide it. They were watching me like I was some kind of boy-toy or something. I felt uncomfortable knowing I was the object of everyone's attention, and I think Katherine noticed it, too. But she was too classy to let something like that get to her, you know? So anyway, yeah, my mom asked Katherine over to the house. But you should have seen the look on Katherine's face after she and my mom had their little visit. She looked lost or stunned or something. It was like she doubted what had just happened. Well, I knew what had happened because the same thing happened between my mom and me just before Katherine came.
Dr. Balis: What do you mean?
Mr. Rozzi: Well, my mom decided that being a bitch was too much for her or something. She called me into her room--Aaron was totally passed out--and she wanted to talk to me.
Dr. Balis: What did she want to talk about?
Mr. Rozzi: She wanted to say that change is hard for her. And I was like, "It's hard for me, too." But she said she was trying to make changes in her life and that it wasn't coming easy, but she doesn't want to fight anymore. Plus, she let Rosemarie have Aunt Sofie's house, after all. She moved there this past weekend, and now I have the in-law apartment as an art studio. We moved everything in there on Sunday. Ralph was real happy to finally get the paint and chemicals out of his house. But she just wanted me to understand where she was coming from, I guess. And I think she was feeling a little guilty over what she tried to do to Katherine at work and over fighting with Rosemarie. Maybe she figured out that being nice is easier than being a bitch all the time. But I won't be holding my breath or anything, you know? She is like a rabid dog--one minute she's all happy and nice, and the next, she's a raving lunatic bitch. I know what time it is with her, we've been there before, we don't really ever need to go back there.
Dr. Balis: I understand your apprehension, Alex.
Mr. Rozzi: Yeah, well...I'm more than apprehensive when it comes to my mom. But you should see little Aaron, he has grown already. It looks like he gained a few pounds, and he's so strong! He has an incredible grip for such a little guy. He can squeeze my finger real tight. It's such a trip, you know? Hard to believe I was ever that small. Why can't I remember that far back? It wasn't all that long ago. I told Katherine, when she was on her way out the door, that I wonder why she doesn't have kids. I think she'd make someone a great mother, far better than my mom, not that it would be hard to be better than my mom. Well, you know what I mean. But when I told her that she'd be a good mother, her face changed a little and she laughed sort of. And then I think I saw her blush. But it all happened so quickly that I didn't start to think about it until after she was gone. I hope I didn't embarrass her or something. I guess if that bothered her, she would have said something by now. But she didn't seem bugged or anything when I saw her outside. Oh, well. It just struck me funny, you know?
Dr. Balis: Hmm.
Mr. Rozzi: Oh, and Jake's been acting all...I don't know, different, I guess. I see these little half smiles or something coming out. When I brought over more of my work for him, I asked him again who was the buyer of my work. And all he did is sort of smirk or something. He just answered that the person who bought them wished to remain anonymous. It, sort of bugs me a lot. It bugs me a lot, you know?
Dr. Balis: Why should it bother you?
Mr. Rozzi: I don't know. You tell me. You're the shrink here, you figure it out.
Dr. Balis: Let me ask you this way, what bothers you about not knowing?
Mr. Rozzi: I don't know, really. I don't. It's just that I want to know who it was, why they liked my work, what made them like it, and what have they done with it. It's not like they made a major investment--they paid less than a hundred dollars each for them. And they all go together sort of like a story, because they are all done in the same style and medium. What did they do with them? Where are my paintings now? I was sort of attached to each of them, and all I have left of them is a check and some slides, that's it.
Dr. Balis: I see. Did you deposit the check in your account?
Mr. Rozzi: Nope. I kept it. I haven't needed the money, and it's sort of symbolic for me, I guess. It's kind of like that dollar bill you see pasted to the wall at the store--it's their first one, and it means something special. So I haven't brought myself to cash it yet. Hmm, speaking of unfinished business, Benny's trial has been set. It's on the twelfth of March.
Dr. Balis: That's quick. Have you made up your mind about testifying?
Mr. Rozzi: I told you, I don't want to do it. They can't make me. And he called again.
Dr. Balis: Benny called?
Mr. Rozzi: Yeah, again. This time, I wasn't home, but Ralph answered and when he realized it was Benny, he told me that he kind of went off on him, gave him a big piece of his mind. From what Ralph told me, they were yelling at each other over the phone.
Dr. Balis: Hmm.
Mr. Rozzi: I'm glad I wasn't there for the call. It could've been me that answered. I don't know what I would have done if I had, you know? But Cecil is still all over me about this, and he said they may...oh, how did he put it? They may compel me to do it. That's the same thing as what you said, but I think you called it subpoena. Isn't that what you said?
Dr. Balis: That's right. I've heard that it can go that way sometimes.
Mr. Rozzi: Well, I won't do it. How can I get out of it? I mean I don't want to...uh, to look at him. You know, Roly came to see me again. This time, it was in the middle of the night, and he woke me up. He had this thing again. This...I don't know...this thing.. And it was all broken up and messed up, and he wanted me to fix it. He wasn't even making any sense to me anymore. It was just that I had to fix that thing--whatever it is--and everything depended upon it. It was the same as before; it was like a rerun. But he was trying to tell me to fix this...this thing with Benny. I could see that, it was really obvious that it was what he wanted me to do. But I don't know how to, and that's the problem. I think that Roly is going to visit me until I figure it out. He's going to haunt me until I figure this out, you know?
Dr. Balis: These dreams are leaving a very strong impression on you, Alex.
Mr. Rozzi: But see, that's where you're wrong. They aren't dreams. It's really his ghost that's visiting me. I think it's because he killed himself, you know? He took his own life, and now he's somehow stuck between life and death or something. But it's real. And you want to know how I know that it's really a real ghost? Because as he was telling me to fix this object that was broken--a totally fucked up piece of garbage--I saw that he left the window open, and I got up to close it. And then, I saw that the trellis was loose, because the wind was making it move. And then, when I turned around, he was gone. You don't believe me. It's okay, because I think I'm crazy, too. You know? I mean who really talks to ghosts? Besides me, that is. Who really does that?
Dr. Balis: Alex, I don't think you're crazy. Sometimes, the unconscious mind can conjure up some bizarre things. But what do you do with this information? Where do you go from here?
Mr. Rozzi: Well, I already know he wants me to fix this shit with Benny. He's just using this broken object as a symbol, I think. Does that make sense?
Dr. Balis: I think so.
Mr. Rozzi: So he wants me to fix it, and I don't know how.
Dr. Balis: But I think you do.
Mr. Rozzi: What? What do you mean? I do? Hmm, you want me to testify, don't you? You think that's what Roly wants. Oh, no. Wait a minute. I'm being ganged up on here. You really think that this is what he means? Oh, no way. I can't. I don't think that...well? I don't want to. I can't, I just can't.
Dr. Balis: I know it must be hard for you...
Mr. Rozzi: Hard? You think it's hard? I think you haven't been paying attention or something!
Dr. Balis: That's not...
Mr. Rozzi: What? I thought by writing that letter I could finally make it end, finally make myself stop thinking about it...about him. But it really hasn' know, it hasn' only changed the way I see it now. And it scares me what I did--the things I did--all for him, too. It was all for him, for what he gave to me, and for how he made me feel. But it was all a lie, wasn't it? A big lie.
Dr. Balis: Here are the tissues.
Mr. Rozzi: Fuck that! I don't need that shit!
Dr. Balis: It's okay, Alex, I understand.
Mr. Rozzi: Look, I know we're out of time or something. And it's okay, because I got to go anyway. See? And I just might think about it some more or something. But I don't want to be getting any pressure about this, okay?
Dr. Balis: Alex, I'm sorry. I don't want you to leave so upset. Now, let me say that whatever you decide to do is up to you and I'll support whatever decision you make.
Mr. Rozzi: Well, it's okay. Yeah, it's okay, see? I'm thinking that I'll just think about it some more, and maybe Roly will stop bothering me, and I'll get over it. But if they compel me to do it, as they said, it would compel Benny to want to kill me, you know? And I sometimes think just how easy it would be for him, if he got out. He would come after me, and that sort of scares me. You should have heard it those times he called me, and then the stupid messages in the mailbox that he left, and then the message on the machine where he's all crying and's overwhelming me.
Dr. Balis: I know it is.
Mr. Rozzi: I don't know what to do.
Dr. Balis: We'll work on that here.
Mr. Rozzi: Well, thanks, I guess. I mean...
Dr. Balis: I know what you mean. Alex, if you need anything, remember I am a phone call away.
Mr. Rozzi: Okay, dude, thanks.
Dr. Balis: See you next week then.
Mr. Rozzi: Okay, later.
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