Transcript of 39th Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Mr. Alex Rozzi, Wednesday, April 1, 1998 at 5:00 pm.

Mr. Rozzi: You should've been there, Doctor. You should've been there!
Dr. Balis: Hello, Alex. What are you talking about?
Mr. Rozzi: The trial, it was a huge shock. They brought in a surprise witness and Cecil was so funny about it, it was the only day that he showed up and they bring out a fucking surprise witness! Cecil was beside himself, even though he tried not to show it.
Dr. Balis: Who was it?
Mr. Rozzi: Well, let me backtrack for a minute. Guess who else was there? My mother.
Dr. Balis: She testified?
Mr. Rozzi: No, no, I'm sorry. Ha! I didn't mean for it to come out that way! You should've seen the look on your face! No, my mom went to the trial. She was in the courtroom when I did my second day on the stand--when I got pissed off at the lawyer--only I didn't have any idea she was out there. I mean, there were so many faces all looking at me, their eyes were piercing right through me, it felt like. So, anyway, she was there! And I'm like, great! Now she knows a lot more than I ever would have told her, you know?
Dr. Balis: Why did she go, did she say? Uh, Alex...what is that odor? Are you smoking again?
Mr. Rozzi: What? No! No, I'm not...uh, smoking, no. I've just been around people who, uh, do I guess. You can smell it on me, eh?
Dr. Balis: Yes, I do smell...something. Sorry. Well, what did she tell you?
Mr. Rozzi: My mom? Oh yeah. She said she went there out of curiosity, I guess. I didn't see her there, otherwise I think I would have kept my mouth shut. She got a kick out of my exchange with that woman lawyer though! She said it was vintage me, it was almost like she was congratulating me for it or something. But now I'm like so embarrassed or something, you know? She heard a lot of shit, stuff she can use against me. She heard about the crank Benny and Roly were doing. I remember that so vividly. That's when Roly started having these paranoid delusions and shit. He was freaking about every little thing. He even took the electrical outlets apart one time because he thought they were bugged. I never understood that bit of paranoia until I thought again about the secret videotapes Benny made, then his paranoia made sense to me. But anyway...uh, where were we?
Dr. Balis: Are you feeling okay, Alex? You look sleepy. You seem kind of scattered.
Mr. Rozzi: Yeah, I'm fine! Jeez! What's wrong with you? You keep asking me all these questions.
Dr. Balis: Well, I noticed the smell of smoke on you as soon as you came in and I distinctly remembered you telling me you quit. I also noticed that you have dark circles under your eyes and you seem kind of tired. How much sleep are you getting?
Mr. Rozzi: Well, I've been sleeping a lot lately. At least more than normal for me. I don't feel like walking or even riding, even though I rode three times this week. But it seems like no matter how much sleep I get, it's never enough or something, I don't know. Why?
Dr. Balis: I'm just concerned about you, Alex. That's all.
Mr. Rozzi: Well, I'm okay, all right? I'm just fine, I'll get over this sleep deprivation thing I'm going through...always do. So, yeah, now my mom probably thinks I did crank, too. I mean, I never did or anything. I hated the fact they were doing it. But now she probably thinks I did, even though she hasn't said anything yet. But she will eventually, I'm certain she will ask me about it, once it clicks in her head as ammunition.
Dr. Balis: Alex, aren't you and you mother getting along still?
Mr. Rozzi: We are, I guess, never know with her, you know? Where she's concerned, I still have to pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming. But, oh yeah! The surprise witness was this guy...his name is Mike McCann. They were kids together. The story that he told, I don't know. It was bizarre, actually.
Dr. Balis: What did he say?
Mr. Rozzi: He said that they were childhood friends and that Benny introduced him to sex when they were both like six years old. I guess Benny got this guy to do all kinds of different things with him and they had gotten in trouble for it. Benny got in trouble for it mainly because there was some threat involved. Like if that kid wouldn't do it, then Benny would do something to him, like Joe told me he would do, but Joe was a lot older than me. It also reminded me of Jimmy, for some reason.
Dr. Balis: Who's Jimmy?
Mr. Rozzi: I haven't mentioned him before? He was my best friend in the whole world when I was little. He lived five houses down the street from me and we did everything together. I never told you about him? That's funny, he was a big part of my life since we were small. My grandmother and his mother were good friends and they used to take us everywhere, to all these different places. I even have this picture of him and me, framed. We were about six or maybe seven and we were at the beach, holding hands, running away from the water towards the camera. It's a great shot and I remember the day it was taken. But the reason it reminded me of Jimmy was because he was the first person I saw who had the same, uh, equipment as me, you know what I mean?
Dr. Balis: I think so.
Mr. Rozzi: Good, cause I don't really feel like explaining it to you. Anyway he was the first one, I guess. It was all innocent, really. There were no threats involved, just curiosity I guess.
Dr. Balis: What happened to him?
Mr. Rozzi: Hmm?
Dr. Balis: Where is he now? Alex, did you hear me?
Mr. Rozzi: What? Uh...oh! I was just thinking, sorry about that. I drift sometimes. What did you ask me?
Dr. Balis: Where is Jimmy now?
Mr. Rozzi: I don't know.
Dr. Balis: What do you mean?
Mr. Rozzi: I don't. Really. See, one day I went up to his house after school. We went to grammar school over at Eureka Valley together and he didn't show up for school that day. Usually we walked together, but for some reason we didn't that day and I don't remember why. But he was out from school a lot, so I would just go over to his house after school and we'd play and stuff. But this one day, well, I went over there and knocked on the door but no one answered. When I went around to the side window, I could see into the house and it was empty.
Dr. Balis: You mean no one was home?
Mr. Rozzi: No, I mean the house was empty. Nothing. No furniture. Nothing. They were gone. They moved away and no one said a word to me about it. They were just gone!
Dr. Balis: Alex, that's must have been traumatic for you.
Mr. Rozzi: Well, my grandmother was no help. She wouldn't say anything about it. She just said, "I don't know." Never explained anything to me. Didn't try to make me feel better that they disappeared like that.Weird, huh?
Dr. Balis: That is rather strange, Alex. How did it make you feel?
Mr. Rozzi: I don't know. I was perplexed. It made me feel so unimportant, like it wouldn't matter to me that they were leaving. To this day, I have absolutely no idea what happened to him. That guy up on the stand even looked like Jimmy in a way. It was too weird. So anyway, this guy tells his story about how Benny fucked him over big time and how it still affects him now and everything. It was really a sad story and the whole courtroom was, like, waiting for a pin drop or something. So anyway, to make a long story short, they found him guilty.
Dr. Balis: They did?
Mr. Rozzi: You don't have to ask, cause I know you're going to anyway. I feel funny about it. I think I knew that they would find him guilty, but I didn't expect it so fast. They wrapped everything up real smooth and fast and it kind of knocked my head to spinning. The penalty phase is postponed for a few weeks, so I still have to wait some more for it to be over. I think I'll write a book about all this, you know? I feel bad and all, but somehow I feel less guilty about it too.
Dr. Balis: Why would you feel guilty?
Mr. Rozzi: Well, I don't know. I just do, in a way. Like I am partially responsible for what happened to Benny.
Dr. Balis: Alex, based on what I know and what you've told me, I think Benny did all this to himself. Your testimony may have helped justice along a little, but I believe he would have ended up in prison one way or another.
Mr. Rozzi: I know. It's just...well, uh...I don't know. I'm mixed up about this somehow. I guess it'll register in my head after I process it all some more and then I'll be okay about it. I'm worried about his sentencing, but I know there's nothing I can do about it. That doesn't stop me from worrying about it though. Oh, and that's another thing--Jake.
Dr. Balis: Did you get a chance to talk to him?
Mr. Rozzi: Well, yes and no. I mean, I went over there to talk to him, to tell him everything is okay for me, but somehow I got all stuck on the fact that he made up this story about the bogus buyer of my work. We started out okay, but then something happened, something was said and I just...I just sort of lost it again.
Dr. Balis: What did you do?
Mr. Rozzi: I don't know what came over me. Other than the fact that I just don't understand where he came up with that story and why he just didn't tell me the truth about it. I mean, he had me all built up there for awhile and then, bang! It was all just a silly little game. But that's what I'm worried about, that things between Jake and me aren't getting any better and I worry that this might affect my relationship with Katherine. You know, I don't even see what she sees in him. She can do, like, so much better. But that's what it was all about this time. It's like, don't lie to me about anything because eventually I'm going to figure it out. I always do.
Dr. Balis: Maybe now is not the time to try and fix things with Jake. I'd let it rest for awhile. You still have issues about it and I'm sure Jake does too, so let it cool down a bit. You'll be able to work it out with him, I'm certain.
Mr. Rozzi: We'll see, I guess. Well I should be going now. I've got tons of homework to do and most of it is due Friday.
Dr. Balis: We are about out of time, Alex. So I'll see you next week. Oh, and Alex? Good work.
Mr. Rozzi: Good work? For what?
Dr. Balis: Well, I was just thinking back to when I first met you. In the past--not so long ago, really--you had a tendency to deal with difficult situations with violence. Now, you're trying to do without the violence. I'm proud of you for that.
Mr. Rozzi: Thanks, I guess. I haven't been feeling like I need to go that far. I don't know, maybe I'm thinking more, pounding less. Hard to say what has changed, if anything, you know? It's not like I didn't think about popping Jake in the mouth, but we're too evenly matched I think. Oh well.
Dr. Balis: Good work, Alex. Take care and I'll see you next time.
Mr. Rozzi: Later, dude.
Arrow, Straight, Left, Earlier Arrow, Straight, Right, Later

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