Transcript of 41st Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Mr. Alex Rozzi, Wednesday, April 15, 1998 at 5:00 pm.

Dr. Balis: Good afternoon, Alex. Please, come in.
Mr. Rozzi: What's so good about it? I mean, jeez!
Dr. Balis: What's the matter?
Mr. Rozzi: Well, Marty called me today to tell me that they've scheduled a parole hearing or something like that. He said that it doesn't matter that the store isn't pressing charges. I still got arrested and went down to juvie. And now, I may have to spend some time with one of those ankle bracelet things strapped on, and stay at my mom's house on the weekends while I'm doing it. So why don't you tell me again what a good afternoon this really is.
Dr. Balis: You might be under house arrest?
Mr. Rozzi: Maybe. And at my mom's house, too. Can you believe it? I asked Marty how he knows that this is what they'll do to me. He said that he spent some time talking with the...whomever it is that makes these decisions about my life. Anyway, Marty told them that I am not really all that bad and all. Oh, and he said that it helps that I'm still seeing you. Marty thinks they'll do as he recommends: house arrest and more community service work. But this time, I'll probably be picking up trash on the Great Highway or something.
Dr. Balis: Well, it's certainly better than going to jail or being made a ward of the court.
Mr. Rozzi: Yeah, but the worst part is that I have to stay at my mom's. It will probably drive me crazy or something. She's so pissed at me that she isn't even talking to me right now. She doesn't want me to be around her or Aaron. She just slams things around when I'm in sight, and she's using the baby as a tool to punish me. And Ralph is in on the act, too.
Dr. Balis: What's going on with him?
Mr. Rozzi: Well, he's pissed at me, too. I got everybody pissed at me right now, even Luke. I mean...whatever. It seems like the only person who doesn't hate me right now is Katherine, but give her time. So Ralph is mad at me over the whole shoplifting thing. Then he found out that I went inside his bar again. And not to mention what happened with his car...
Dr. Balis: What were you doing at Ralph's bar? And what about the car?
Mr. Rozzi: Well, the car is one of the stupidest thing I've done lately. I was borrowing it last weekend while he was out, and I sort of drove it into a ditch.
Dr. Balis: Sort of?
Mr. Rozzi: Here we were--Tony, Regina, and Camille--just driving along. And Camille was talking to Regina about this stupid soap, and I was listening to them not realizing they were talking about soap. I thought they were talking about real people. And I was looking in my rearview mirror at her and listening, when all of a sudden there was a car right there in front of me. I swerved to try and miss it. And the next thing I knew was wham, bang, crunch! The stupid car was in the ditch. And it was stuck for three hours. A bunch of people tried to help, but we couldn't get it out. Then, finally, the tow truck showed up. He pulled it out, and there was not even a scratch on it. I was so embarrassed and boiling mad, you know?
Dr. Balis: Hmm.
Mr. Rozzi: But while I was waiting there, all this stuff just sort of came to me: Benny, and Roly, and even Jimmy. You know, since I told you about him, I've been having these dreams and memories of him. I wish I knew where he was, you know? And Benny...well, they are sentencing him on the same day that I am having my own day in court, so I won't get to see what happens to him. And Roly keeps visiting me in my dreams, too. I wish he didn't kill himself. I wish he was still here; I really miss him a lot.
Dr. Balis: Hmm.
Mr. Rozzi: So all this shit was flying around in my head. And I was sitting there with this car stuck in the stupid ditch, all ashamed of myself--I should have known better, you know? How did I do that? How did I get the damn car in the ditch in the first place? It was a good thing no one called the police, because I don't have a driver's license.
Dr. Balis: You don't?
Mr. Rozzi: Yeah, and that's the main reason Ralph is so pissed off at me.
Dr. Balis: You were driving a vehicle without a driver's license?
Mr. Rozzi: Yeah. So? I mean...And?
Dr. Balis: Alex, I know the trial was a very stressful and these memories you are experiencing can be overwhelming. But don't you think that these chances you are taking--shoplifting, marijuana smoking, driving without a license--well, you get the picture. This doesn't add up to anything positive. I am very concerned about you, Alex.
Mr. Rozzi: Yeah, so don't be, okay? It's not like I'm out murdering people or hurting somebody.
Dr. Balis: Other than yourself, you mean.
Mr. Rozzi: Huh?
Dr. Balis: Alex, these things you are doing are only hurting you. Violating probation hurts you. Using illegal substances is harmful to you. Driving without a license...Alex, I don't mean to be constantly lecturing you, but this is too much even for you. And I think you know that.
Mr. Rozzi: Well, what can I say? I've been driving since I was fourteen and I never had a problem before. The shoplifting thing was just...I don't know, it was nothing, a one time thing, believe me. And smoking dope never hurt anybody. Even Katherine didn't seem as concerned about it as you are. She asked me about it, and it's not like I was going to lie to her about it--about anything, for that matter. She's my only real friend right now, you know? She's the only one who is there for me, not judging me.
Dr. Balis: Alex, I am here for you, and I am not trying to judge you.
Mr. Rozzi: Well, you're not trying hard enough!
Dr. Balis: Perhaps. But you know when you are doing something wrong, something that can get you into trouble. So then I have to ask you this: Why do you put yourself at risk?
Mr. Rozzi: How do I answer that? I don't know. Some things are worth the risk. Some risks give me a major rush. And then other things, things like what happened with the stupid car, totally blow. So I don't know why I do it sometimes. I just don't know.
Dr. Balis: Okay, let's move on for now. What about Ralph's bar?
Mr. Rozzi: Oh yeah, I was hoping you were going to forget about that. Well, Saturday night, I was out with Regina and Camille and Tony again. We were walking down Polk Street, and Regina was acting very bizarre. She always pops off with the funniest thing. You know what she said?
Dr. Balis: What?
Mr. Rozzi: We were walking along, noticing all the straight couples walking around, hand in hand, publicly displaying their heterosexuality, kissing and stuff--totally gross. And we were talking about that guy, you know the one who got gay-bashed a few weeks ago and died? Well, she just blurted out, "Hey! Why don't we find a straight couple and beat the shit out of them?" I wasn't sure she was joking, but I wasn't about to go there. So we went by Ralph's club instead. I got the bright idea that Saturday night was an amateur strip night, and I thought it would be fun to go inside and watch.
Dr. Balis: Hmm.
Mr. Rozzi: Well, before I knew it, the girls had me talked into doing it again--getting up there and showing off my business. I thought no one knew me there, you know? Ralph told me that he hired a bunch of new people. And I didn't think that the bartender I knew, Kiwi, was going to be there--he never worked Saturday nights before. But Kiwi was there, and he recognized me, even with this short-cropped hair. And so he called Ralph. Well, Ralph came down to the club himself and threw a fit. He's very mad at me for that. I just can't win.
Dr. Balis: You can win, Alex. You can stop all this nonsense if you put your mind to it. I know you can do that. You've done it before, you can do it again. Remember the mindfulness exercises we did?
Mr. Rozzi: The knee-slapping, floor tapping stuff?
Dr. Balis: Yes.
Mr. Rozzi: Yeah, I remember. But these days, I get my knee-slapping from Camille--she knows how to do me right. And that's why Luke is still pissed at me--he doesn't understand. He doesn't even want to try to understand. He thinks S&M is something that sick people do. But I think that this is what keeps some people from going totally blotto, becoming real sickos. A little S&M every now and then never hurt anybody. Well, I mean it does hurt, but that's what so good about it. It's an exercise in extremes, you know?
Dr. Balis: Alex, we were talking about mindfulness. You know, the marijuana smoking will inhibit your mind from working to its fullest capacity. It can hinder your ability to be mindful and to make good choices. You seem to be lacking in good choices these days.
Mr. Rozzi: Oh, thank you very very much! And I suppose you always make the best choices.
Dr. Balis: No, not always. No one does. But most people try to have a clear head when they're making choices.
Mr. Rozzi: Here we go! So now you're going to cite the evils of weed! Well, I saw the movies "Refer Madness" and "Assassin of Youth," and it's all a bunch of lies. Have you ever smoked pot, Doctor? Wait! You're going to tell me you never inhaled, right?
Dr. Balis: No, I'm not going answer that question. Alex, we aren't here to talk about my virtues or failings. We're here to help you get things going right in your life. You seem to be on a collision course of self sabotage. What are we going to do about that?
Mr. Rozzi: I don't know. Let it run its course?
Dr. Balis: Alex, you have control. When you're doing something that can get you into trouble, you can ask yourself why you're doing it. What is your motivation? Just stop and think for a moment.
Mr. Rozzi: Stop and think?
Dr. Balis: Yes. It's not that hard, and you can do it to humor me, okay?
Mr. Rozzi: I always do.
Dr. Balis: I'm serious, Alex.
Mr. Rozzi: So am I. Okay, okay, I'm sorry. Look, I know you're trying to help me and all, but maybe this is just a phase I'm going through. Maybe I just need to go through it so I can get over it.
Dr. Balis: Alex...
Mr. Rozzi: I don't know, I really don't. Katherine was more concerned about my new friends, the girls. She didn't realize they were lesbians, she even thought I was having sex with them or something. She didn't come right out and say it, but she seemed to hint at it a little.
Dr. Balis: Well, this new friendship has struck me rather strangely, too. It seems somewhat out of character for you to be hanging around with girls like that.
Mr. Rozzi: Like what? Lesbians? There's nothing wrong with having a couple of lesbiterians as friends.
Dr. Balis: That's not what I meant. These two girls seem a little wild, and you've been involved in some questionable activities when you're with them.
Mr. Rozzi: Yeah, so? I have a lot of fun with them. Tony likes them, too. No one else seems to like them--not Ralph, not Luke, especially not my mother. And like I said, I could tell Katherine seemed a little funny about them, too. Oh well, you can't please everybody.
Dr. Balis: That's true. Now, we're out of time. I'd like to ask you once again to please take time to think things through before jumping into them. You'll find yourself getting in less trouble as a result. Trust me in this?
Mr. Rozzi: Yeah, right. I'll think about thinking about things, okay?
Dr. Balis: That's all I ask. Next week then. See you, Alex.
Mr. Rozzi: Yeah, yeah. Later, dude.
Arrow, Straight, Left, Earlier Arrow, Straight, Right, Later

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