Transcript of 51st Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Mr. Alex Rozzi, Wednesday, June 24, 1998 at 5:00 pm.

Dr. Balis: Hello, Alex. How are you this week?
Mr. Rozzi: Hey, Doc. I'm okay.
Dr. Balis: What is it? What's on your mind?
Mr. Rozzi: Well, I guess it shows, huh? It's Darla, she died.
Dr. Balis: Oh, Alex, I'm very sorry. I know how much she meant to you.
Mr. Rozzi: I guess I'm kind of over it now...well, almost...I don't know. The doctor couldn't do anything for her. He couldn't even make her more comfortable. So she just died, and I felt...uh, I feel so damn guilty.
Dr. Balis: Why do you feel guilty?
Mr. Rozzi: Well, at first, I wanted to blame Regina. Thankfully, she wasn't home when I went over to her house to murder her. She's in Lebanon.
Dr. Balis: The Middle East?
Mr. Rozzi: No, in Tennessee. I think it's called Lebanon or something, I don't know. Who cares, really. The bitch may as well be in the Mediterranean, for all I care. The further away she is, the better. No, so she wasn't there, and I was ready to rip her black little heart out, too.
Dr. Balis: Alex...
Mr. Rozzi: The doctor took some blood samples and analyzed them, but he didn't get the results right away. Darla may have had some kind of bug thing, but the doctor thought with all the exposure to the paints and solvents in my studio, over time, she was overwhelmed and her little body couldn't take it anymore. That was probably what killed her. It was me. I did it! It's just...uh, it's what I thought was best, you know? I thought it would be good to keep her in the studio. Ralph didn't like having her in the house. And with his cats...well, I didn't want to keep her in the house. So that's the reason I feel so guilty over it. And I was so quick to blame Regina for it, too. Lucky for me, she was away when I went over there. Lucky for her, too.
Dr. Balis: That could've been a very nasty situation. I'm sorry about Darla. But you couldn't have known that the paints in your studio would kill her. And you said she may have been ill...
Mr. Rozzi: I am, but I'm not, you know? I'm to blame, and yet...I mean there's nothing I can do about it now anyway. I buried her in the Aids Grove in Golden Gate Park. It's real pretty there. Have you ever been there?
Dr. Balis: Yes, I have been there. It's a beautiful spot.
Mr. Rozzi: It's probably the most beautiful place in the entire park. It's the only place--and I mean the only place--that gets so much love and attention. So she's not suffering anymore, and I buried her in a beautiful place, in nature, where she belongs. So, let's change the subject, okay?
Dr. Balis: Okay. What would you like to talk about?
Mr. Rozzi: Benny. I know you're probably getting sick of hearing about him.
Dr. Balis: No, Alex, I'm not. Please, go on.
Mr. Rozzi: I got a call from Dora this week. She told me that Benny is in the prison hospital. He got beat up by some of the other inmates. It's just like I told you--they don't like child molesters in prison. I mean you can't go much lower than that.
Dr. Balis: Hmm.
Mr. Rozzi: Yeah. So he got his butt kicked real good, and I told her he deserves it...that and much much more, too, the piece of garbage that he is. Well, it got me to thinking even more about him and about some of the things he did.
Dr. Balis: What kind of things?
Mr. Rozzi: Mainly, I was thinking about the day their daughter was born. That morning, they went to the hospital because Dora was having those contractions you get just as you're about to have a baby. He called to tell me the baby was coming. He was real excited about it. But I don't know how much was real and how much was an act, you know? He was such a good actor. He should win an Academy Award, you know? So I went over there to be there with him, with them. You should have seen his face when he brought her out for me to see. She was so little in his arms, and he was beaming with pride. I can see it all in my mind like it was yesterday...that proud look he had. Anyway, later that evening, Benny and I went home to his house and we ended up in their his and Dora's bed and we had sex. All night long, we had sex. What kind of person does that? How could he be fooling around with me while his wife was lying there in the hospital all ripped to shreds after giving birth to their baby? Why would someone do something like that? What a sick mother-fucker! It was like he didn't even care about them, you know?
Dr. Balis: Alex, Benny is a sick individual.
Mr. Rozzi: Yeah. He was sick. Not only was he two faced, but he was a user. He didn't care about anyone's feelings. He messed with my head. He destroyed his own life and tried to destroy mine. What was the word you used: a sociopath? Think what he did to Dora and his daughter. There isn't anything redeeming about him or his character. I'm much better now without him. So given all that, why do I still feel so much about him? Why do I sometimes think that I miss him? Oh shit! Don't answer that. I know, I know. It's like those kidnap victims, like that Patty Hearst chick. After awhile, you start to identify with your abuser and you start to think that it's a good thing or something.
Dr. Balis: That's possible. Where did you hear about that?
Mr. Rozzi: Patty Hearst? We studied her in class last term. And now she's a movie star doing John Waters movies, can you believe it? One minute, she's this rich girl. Then, she's out robbing banks. And now, she's a damned movie star. What a country we live in, huh?
Dr. Balis: This is quite a place, isn't it? I'm impressed with your insight, Alex.
Mr. Rozzi: Yeah? Well, I got another one--Tony. It's been bugging the hell out of me. This Sharon person is hanging out with him all the time. And I just know they are doing drugs together, besides just pot, I mean. So I was thinking, how do I get rid of her? Well, I was talking to him about her, and I asked him if he told her that he is HIV positive yet.
Dr. Balis: And?
Mr. Rozzi: He said he hasn't. She hadn't asked him, so why should he bring it up? He claims they're not doing anything that would put her at risk anyway, which I find totally hard to believe. But then, later, I thought, "What if she found out that he is HIV positive?" She'd be out of there in a flash, you know?
Dr. Balis: Alex...
Mr. Rozzi: Now, don't go and try to persuade me not to do it.
Dr. Balis: Alex, Tony's going to be very angry at you if you interfere. But it's your call.
Mr. Rozzi: Well, if I don't do something, he may end up in the hospital again or worse. I have got to do something to get her away from him. What else can I do? It's not like he's going to send her away himself.
Dr. Balis: You can tell Tony how you feel about him taking drugs again. Tell him that you are worried about him. Offer him your support.
Mr. Rozzi: Uh...I don't know, man, I just don't know. It's not like he's there for me right now. I don't know what I'm going to do. I was hoping that he and I could go to the Gay Pride Parade next Sunday together, but he's busy with her. Then there's Dore Alley next month. And after that, I got tickets to see Stevie Nicks in concert. But he's going to be with Sharon. Sharon, Sharon, Sharon! That's all he ever wants to talk about. Well, fuck her! It's not like I'm going to be able to bring Ralph to any of that, now that he's sick again. And of course Cami has offered to go with me, but...
Dr. Balis: Ralph is ill again?
Mr. Rozzi: Yeah. I thought I told you.
Dr. Balis: Well, I knew that he has AIDS, but you hadn't mentioned that he's sick again. What's going on with him?
Mr. Rozzi: This time it's colon cancer. Can you believe that? On top of AIDS, he's got a bum colon. A bad bum! Ha! Ha! Ha! Get it? A bad bum!
Dr. Balis: I got it.
Mr. Rozzi: Well, you're supposed to laugh. And I just made that up, too! Lately, I've been coming up with the funniest things. The other day, when Luke came back from working in New York, we went to the beach together. Remember those real hot days we had?
Dr. Balis: Yes, I do. I noticed you got some nice color.
Mr. Rozzi: Yeah, I tan well. Anyway, he and I were walking along the shore and we come upon this couple, a straight couple. They were all wrapped around one another, doing the Tony and Sharon thing--tongues all twisting and everything. I said to Luke, "Would you just look at that?" If he and I were doing that, we'd probably get gay-bashed or something. But it's okay for straight people to do it in public, you know? So anyway, I said, "Hey! You, over there! Yeah, you two. Don't you know there are homosexuals on this beach who find your public display of heterosexual affections disgusting and appalling?"
Dr. Balis: Alex!
Mr. Rozzi: Well, I didn't, really. They knew we were looking at them, though. And Luke was practically on the ground roaring with laughter. It just sort of spilled out of my mouth, without any second thoughts, you know? I didn't realize how funny it was until after I saw his reaction. But I mean really, like I said, if he and I were doing that there in public...well, you get the picture. It's okay if the straights do it, but not the gays.
Dr. Balis: I understand what you mean, and I can't say that I disagree.
Mr. Rozzi: Okay? Thank you. What were we talking about before I went off on that little tangent?
Dr. Balis: You were telling me about Ralph's illness.
Mr. Rozzi: Oh yeah. That. Well, it seems that he has colon cancer now. And he has to go in the hospital to have surgery or something. I'm really trying not to get myself all worked up over it. But I don't know what I would do if he were to die on me. I don't even want to think about that. He said the doctor told him he has a good chance of getting through this because of his age and his overall good health...well, except for the AIDS thing that is. How did we get on this subject anyway? Oh yeah. We were talking about the parade next weekend and all the other events on my social calendar for the summer. Luke may be able to go to the parade with me, but he definitely won't do Dore Alley--you know how he feels about the S&M stuff. But if he's not working, he said he'd go and see Stevie Nicks with me, even though he thinks she's old and he's not really into her music. I'm like, "She's not old, okay? She's timeless, ageless." So, anyway, we're almost out of time, aren't we?
Dr. Balis: I'm afraid so, Alex.
Mr. Rozzi: Jeez! Time really rolls right along in here sometimes, you know?
Dr. Balis: I know what you mean.
Mr. Rozzi: Well, I guess I better be on my way. I've got to get over to the Arts Alliance to finish up some backdrops Cami and I are painting. We're putting on a play there in August. It's a modern version of "A Midsummer's Night" thing. You ought to come and see it. It would do you good to get out some.
Dr. Balis: Well, I'll consider it. I'll see you next week. Take care, Alex.
Mr. Rozzi: Thanks, man, you too. Catch you later, dude!
Dr. Balis: Goodbye, Alex.
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