Transcript of 62nd Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Mr. Alex Rozzi, Wednesday, September 23, 1998 at 5:00 pm.

Mr. Rozzi: Hey, Doc. Well, it's official--Luke and I are broken up.
Dr. Balis: Hello, Alex. What happened?
Mr. Rozzi: Well, it all started with the fire.
Dr. Balis: Fire?
Mr. Rozzi: Yeah, we had a fire at Ralph's. Oh, it was small, really--just one little wall in the kitchen is burned, along with the stove top, hood, and all the pots and pans hanging there. There was some water damage to the floor and the basement below. And smoke...the smell of smoke was everywhere. I still smell it sometimes. But we were really lucky. And it was an excellent and not so excellent timing on Luke's part.
Dr. Balis: Why's that?
Mr. Rozzi: I guess he got back from the East Coast and decided to just drop by. He hasn't called in three weeks or so, and then he just slipped into town unannounced and dropped by. No phone call, no letter, nothing from him in all that time, and then he just dropped over. But if he hadn't, Ralph would probably be in the hospital right now or maybe even dead, and we wouldn't have broken up the way we did.
Dr. Balis: Hmm.
Mr. Rozzi: It was Ralph and his stupid Vicodin pills. He told me that he put something on the stove and then took one of those pills. Next thing you know--charcoal city! He passed out! And you were worried about me taking drugs; Ralph is totally addicted to those things.
Dr. Balis: Hmm.
Mr. Rozzi: He passed out while the kitchen was catching on fire. Luke came to the door and smelled smoke, and no one answered the door of course. So Luke went around to the garden and saw smoke pouring out of the kitchen window. I guess he went up the steps and saw Ralph passed out in his chair. So he got inside and pulled Ralph out. By then, the smoke alarm had gone off--it's one of those kind that calls emergency when it goes off. Well, when we got back to the house, the fire department was there, and the fire was out. I was thinking that Ralph...well, I mean...I didn't know right away that there was a fire, and I pictured Ralph....well, you know. My heart totally stopped when we came around the corner to see all that.
Dr. Balis: I completely understand.
Mr. Rozzi: Well, anyway...Ralph was in the ambulance, and he was breathing oxygen through one of those mask things. And then I saw Luke, and he was fuming! His face was...I don't know, he looked like he wanted to murder me.
Dr. Balis: Why was he so upset? Was it because of Ralph?
Mr. Rozzi: No, no. It wasn't. It was because of Ted.
Dr. Balis: Ted?
Mr. Rozzi: Yes, Ted! You don't remember him? The guy who...
Dr. Balis: The guy who looks like Benny.
Mr. Rozzi: Thank you! I had gone out with him again. Well actually, I've gone out with him four times. No, five times since I saw you last. I really like him, and he's here and not off somewhere in New York or Milan or something. But he and I were just coming back from the beach again when we came upon this pandemonium.
Dr. Balis: I see.
Mr. Rozzi: You do? See what? You're getting that funny look again.
Dr. Balis: Well, you mentioned before that you didn't like Luke traveling so much.
Mr. Rozzi: I didn't like it! I mean, how am I supposed to have a relationship with someone who is never here? I really thought we had something good going there for a while, but then...well, he got all wound up in this modeling career and shit. It's because Luke's so damned good looking. I don't know. Things have been kind of weird between us since that time with Cami, you know? He didn't get over it or something. Or maybe it was me who didn't get over it, I don't know. But things were different between us. It was like I was walking on eggshells around him and he was ready to explode at any moment. And he did explode. A few times. But where were we?
Dr. Balis: Well, you were telling me...
Mr. Rozzi: Oh yeah! Yeah, I remember. So Luke was standing there glaring at me. If he could have done it, I would have been reduced to ashes right there. I was all...well, I just stood there. What was I supposed to do? Ted was standing there wondering what the hell was going on, and Luke did his little cut and run act on me.
Dr. Balis: Cut and run?
Mr. Rozzi: Yeah, you know. He stomped off like a little spoiled child. Well, I ran and caught up with him. I grabbed his arm, and he jerked away from me and gave me this look--he looked at me with daggers in his eyes. I told him just what I told you: I wouldn't be going out with Ted if Luke was here instead of somewhere else always working. Money isn't everything. And all Luke could say was that I cheated on him and that it was over. He said that he was going to move to New York or something. And I was like, "Just as I suspected!" So I told him to just go. I told him that we wouldn't be going on like this if he wasn't so twisted about everything. It's like, "Oh my god, he's doing S&M! Heavens to megatroid, a lesbiterian!" Get over yourself, dude! I mean...whatever.
Dr. Balis: But, Alex, you can see Luke's point, can't you?
Mr. Rozzi: What is this? You're suppose to be on my side!
Dr. Balis: Actually, I'm supposed to help you see things from different perspectives. I do see your side of it, too, Alex. I understand how difficult it is to always wait for someone's return.
Mr. Rozzi: Yeah, waiting. Well, I'm through waiting!
Dr. Balis: Okay. Did you ever find out why Luke came to the house in the first place?
Mr. Rozzi: Well, when he was yelling at me, he said he came by to talk to me and find out where we stood. But when he saw me and Ted together, he knew right away where we stood. Well, that was what he said, not me. I told him so, too. I told him that if he had paid more attention to me and not to his career...
Dr. Balis: That is what I was getting at, Alex, when I asked you to see Luke's point of view. He has his career and it puts a lot of demands on him and his time. From what you've told me, he's required to travel, and I'm sure there are other demands as well.
Mr. Rozzi: There are, you don't have to remind me. Luke was weird about food, about eating in particular. Oh, I don't know. We don't need to go there. And I don't really feel all that bad about it. Tony always said that Luke was my rebound relationship, and maybe that's why I don't feel bad about the break up. I don't know. Well, maybe the fact that Benny was still on my mind...and the fire...all of it has kind of blown me away. Somehow my mind managed to merge that thing with Regina with the fire, producing this strange and bizarre dream I had.
Dr. Balis: Do you want to tell me about it?
Mr. Rozzi: I'm not sure if I can explain it and make sense, too. In the beginning of the dream somewhere, I think I saw Regina, acting crazy like she always does. And then I saw Benny, only I was running away from him. Then I was in this room, and the walls were dripping in flames. The curtains were slowly getting eaten up by the flames, and the ceiling was engulfed. The fire was roaring across the ceiling, and I could hear the smoke alarm going off, louder and louder. Before I knew it, I couldn't breathe, and I fell to my knees--I didn't want to get up and run. Then, all of a sudden, the door was kicked down, and a silhouette of a fireman came toward me. I yelled at him to stop and get out, to save himself. And as he scooped me up in his arms, his helmet flipped up, and I was looking into a mirror. He said, "I am. I am trying to save myself." And then I woke up, covered in sweat. My pulse was pounding strong. I've been thinking about the dream ever since. It really bugged me. It was me in the fireman's uniform. I was trying to save myself. And now I'm trying to figure out what I'm trying to save myself from. Tony said that clearly I'm trying to save myself from myself. And I told him I wanted to slap him. And he just said, "Please do!" Well, I don't want to go there, either, thank you very much! But it really made me think.
Dr. Balis: That was a powerful dream.
Mr. Rozzi: You just don't know, dude. Uh...oh, I'm sorry. I can't seem to control this yawning thing I've been doing. It's just that I'm really sleepy lately. I guess it's because of school; I'm still trying to get adjusted to that pace again.
Dr. Balis: I didn't realize you were back in school already.
Mr. Rozzi: Yeah, it's been a few weeks now. The only class I like is my art class. The instructor is teaching us how to paint in watercolor, and it's a real challenge for me. If I do anything worthwhile, I'll bring it in so you can see it.
Dr. Balis: Thanks, I'd like that.
Mr. Rozzi: Okay. Well, maybe I should be going. I have to pick up some more drugs for Ralph today. Oh, we got a nurse for him, a girl nurse named Rita. I call her Dita because she's such a dominatrix. My guess is that she goes home and whips the shit out of some drooling guy. But she is a no nonsense kind of woman and gets her job done, and Ralph likes her. She thinks...I don't know what she thinks, but you can tell she is thinking something...I think it's something about me, something about Ralph, and then something about the both of us. I don't know. She's a trip. One of these days, I'm going to follow her and I'll find out what she does when she's not working.
Dr. Balis: Alex!
Mr. Rozzi: What?
Dr. Balis: You're not really going to do that, are you?
Mr. Rozzi: I don't know, maybe. She intrigues me.
Dr. Balis: So just ask her questions, get her to open up to you. I know you know how to turn on that charm.
Mr. Rozzi: Hmm. So, Doctor, are you ever going to tell me whether it's a boyfriend or a girlfriend?
Dr. Balis: Alex!
Mr. Rozzi: Well, it's been driving me wild ever since I thought about it. Maybe I ought to follow you sometimes, hmm?
Dr. Balis: Alex, I think this is not productive...
Mr. Rozzi: Don't worry. I'm just playing with you! I was just wondering who helped you when your father was sick recently.
Dr. Balis: Helped me?
Mr. Rozzi: Yes? I'm waiting!
Dr. Balis: Alex, this is definitely not the reason we are here. Let's get back on track, okay?
Mr. Rozzi: Damn! You aren't going to give it up, are you? Oh well, one of these days, I'm going to figure you out. This curiosity...
Dr. Balis: Alex, just drop it.
Mr. Rozzi: You have that look. Well, dude, I am leaving now, okay?
Dr. Balis: Yes, certainly. We're out of time.
Mr. Rozzi: Oh, yes, certainly!
Dr. Balis: Goodbye, Alex.
Mr. Rozzi: See you.
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