Transcript of 63rd Session between Charles Balis, M.D. and Mr. Alex Rozzi, Wednesday, September 30, 1998 at 5:00 pm.

Dr. Balis: Hello, Alex.
Mr. Rozzi: Yeah, right...
Dr. Balis: Alex? What is it?
Mr. Rozzi: Well, in case you can't tell by just looking at me, I haven't been getting much sleep lately. And I'm not really in the mood for this...uh, this shit, you know?
Dr. Balis: Is there a reason why you are not sleeping?
Mr. Rozzi: Is there a reason? Ha! Sometimes, I think I'd be better off dead or something! A reason! Well, I'll give you twenty guesses.
Dr. Balis: I'd much rather not play a guessing game with you, Alex.
Mr. Rozzi: Oh, you'll figure it out if you just think for a second. I'll bet you'll get it on the first guess. Well? Okay, you have that stupid look you get! It's Benny again. Again, again, and again! It always goes back to him. Jeez! The fucking bastard!
Dr. Balis: He's still on your mind...
Mr. Rozzi: Yeah, no shit, Sherlock! He's always on my mind. That fucking asshole!
Dr. Balis: Has something happened to make you so angry?
Mr. Rozzi: No kidding! Sharp as a meatball, that's what I always say about you! Okay. Well, Cecil called the other day. He asked me to come to his office alone.
Dr. Balis: What did he tell you?
Mr. Rozzi: Since he knows the lawyer that tried to help Benny, he has some inside information. Damn! I still can't fucking believe it! It's's like I've been dreaming, and I can't wake up from this nightmare. You can't know a dream until you know a nightmare, especially this nightmare.
Dr. Balis: Well?
Mr. Rozzi: Well, he's going to get out! That's what I've been trying to tell you!
Dr. Balis: He's getting out?
Mr. Rozzi: You heard me right. Out! O. U. T. Out! They're letting him loose. It's something about an appeal or something like that. They're letting him out of fucking jail. And he's going to come back! He's going to come back to get me. He's going to get revenge. Or maybe he wants me back. I don't know! I...well, I just...well, I can't believe...I couldn't believe my ears! I'm all...uh, I...
Dr. Balis: Alex, please. Take a few slow, deep breaths. Good. That's it.
Mr. Rozzi: I was beginning to hyperventilate. Again!
Dr. Balis: You were starting to turn blue.
Mr. Rozzi: Well, maybe I can hyperventilate into a coma or something. Anything would be better than this. He knew, Doc! He knew all along that he was getting, and that's why he called me. He knew when he called. And he knew when he saw me, when I went to see him in prison, and he didn't say a word! Remember? I told you he had ulterior motives, that he was up to something. I told you! Not even a hint, you know? And he seemed so real, too. But he wasn't, was he? He was playing with me like that...everything was going so well for me, too...well, everything except for what happened between Luke and me. But now, he just...he...uh, he pops up right out of the blue. And he tried to act like we we are best friends, like nothing ever came down between us.
Dr. Balis: Hmm.
Mr. Rozzi: He was so sincere, so charming. All this has brought it back up like it was yesterday, like we broke up just yesterday. He brought it all back to me like a bad relapse.
Dr. Balis: Alex...
Mr. Rozzi: And some things never change...nothing ever changes, you know? He's still the same manipulative mother fucker that he always was. And me...well, I'm all tangled up in it. I have been sitting in my room or in the studio, by myself, crying my eyes out. And now I'm all cried out. It was nonstop sometimes, for hours, all night. I went over to his house, where he used to live, and I remembered the rage that Roly and I went into that night, the night we trashed his car. I don't even, he couldn't have seen what we did, he was in jail by then, but Dora probably told him. Fuck! I don't know...I just don't know what I'm going to do, you know?
Dr. Balis: The first thing you need to do is get a restraining order. Benny should not be allowed to come into any contact with you. You can tell Cecil to help you. I'm sure it will be fairly easy, given that you were a witness at his trial. Then you need to...
Mr. Rozzi: Yeah, yeah...everyone says the same damn thing. He's no good, and I know that already. He's no damn good. Cami never knew him, but she said that I am a completely different person when he's in my consciousness. And I am, I can see that much. And I don't like who I am when he's in the picture. I don't like how he effects me at all. He effects me like alcohol effects an alcoholic! When I'm around him or talking to him on the phone, something takes hold of me. I become...I'm a different person. I'm a wimp, and I feel so creepy. He has this weird hold over me.
Dr. Balis: You can break that hold, Alex. Look where you were then and compare it to where you are in your life now. You've come a long way and made many positive changes since then. Alex, you don't have to let him...
Mr. Rozzi: Yeah, but...
Dr. Balis: But what?
Mr. Rozzi: Part of me wants him back. Isn't that sick? I always did want him back, secretly. Well, I think you knew that.
Dr. Balis: I did. But is that the right thing for you?
Mr. Rozzi: I don't know. I don't think so. He is so wrong! So wrong! And another part of me wants revenge, revenge for me and revenge for Roly's death. Roly wouldn't have thrown himself in front of that BART train if it hadn't been for what Benny did to us.
Dr. Balis: Alex, revenge will only hurt you...
Mr. Rozzi: Well, I...uh, I can...but he deserves to be in jail! He deserves to suffer! He deserves to burn in hell. I want to...I want...well, I wish I could rip him limb from limb, bit to bit with my bare hands. I wish I could make him suffer the same way he made me and Roly suffer. Part of me wants to accept him back into my life just so I could yank the rug out from under him, like he did to me. And then we'll see just how he will feel. I want to spit in his face and laugh at him. He is such a loser--a cheating, lying, thieving loser! And I want to kill him...
Dr. Balis: Alex, any physical action you take against Benny will only hurt you. It would most certainly backfire on you, I'm certain of that.
Mr. Rozzi: Don't ruin it, dude. Don't spoil my fantasy, okay?
Dr. Balis: So long as it's only a fantasy.
Mr. Rozzi: Yeah, well...
Dr. Balis: Did Cecil say when Benny would be released?
Mr. Rozzi: Huh? Uh, yes, he did. I think. He said it may be any day now. How could they do this? How could they let this happen? They did this thing--an "appeal" he called it...and now they are going to just let him go. Just like that! One day, he's a convicted child molester, and the next day, he walks. How fair is that? What about me? What about Roly? And the tapes! They had enough evidence on the tapes to keep him locked up for years. Cecil tried to explain it to me, but none of it makes any sense. Everything he said just became a blur, white noise. It just blended into everything else. He could have been rambling on for all I knew. He could have been insulting me something fierce, and I wouldn't have known the difference. It's just that I...nothing anyone can say will ever make me understand all of this.
Dr. Balis: I don't understand it, either. But sometimes the law works in very strange and unpredictable ways, Alex. Lawyers figure out every angle--that's their job.
Mr. Rozzi: Yeah, but is it their job to let criminals go free? It's not fair!
Dr. Balis: I know it isn't fair. But sometimes things just work out that way. Do you know if there's going to be a new trial?
Mr. Rozzi: A new trial--you're shitting me!
Dr. Balis: Well, I don't know about that. But I do know that you have got to get yourself together and get prepared, Alex. You need to be ready when Benny tries to come and see you.
Mr. Rozzi: Well, he better be prepared to get his ass kicked good, too! But he doesn't know that I live with Ralph. Oh, wait! Yes, he does. He does know, because that's where he's been calling me. Fuck! He knows where I live! It's just what I need right now, too. And Ralph is so sick. Shit! The only good thing to have happened lately is the fact that crazy bitch Regina isn't going to be able to sue Ralph. After she got arrested for stalking me, the lawyer said she doesn't have a leg to stand on. They dismissed the whole thing. It was too ridiculous. Ralph's lawyer said she was lucky Ralph didn't get her for trespassing. I guess she can sue the guy who hit her with his car or something. She had that accident...I hear she's been milking that good. She claims to not remember anything just before the accident--she has amnesia or something. But I know she's just faking it, the evil little thing she is!
Dr. Balis: I'm glad that her lawsuit against Ralph has been dismissed.
Mr. Rozzi: Yeah, he has enough on his mind right now. This week, they started him on radiation. So now he is on chemotherapy and radiation, and it isn't pretty, I'm telling you. He isn't handling it well at all. It's a good thing we have Dita around to help him out while I'm not there. And with all that's been on my mind, I'm not very good for him right now anyway.
Dr. Balis: Don't be so hard on yourself...
Mr. Rozzi: Why can't Benny just drop off the face of the Earth or something? Why can't a Mack truck just flatten him? That would make my life so much easier. I just wish he would go away...go away forever. As long as he's breathing, I'm not going to get any rest at all. Someone has got to stop him, you know?
Dr. Balis: But not you, Alex.
Mr. Rozzi: Why not?
Dr. Balis: Alex, I'm concerned about all this talk of revenge. You really need to understand that you can't take justice into your own hands...
Mr. Rozzi: You know, you just gave me an idea...well, I've got to go now, Doctor. Bye!
Dr. Balis: Alex, wait!
Mr. Rozzi: I'm out of here, dude. See you!
Dr. Balis: Alex, hold on a minute.
Mr. Rozzi: Sorry, dude, I've got to go! Later!
Dr. Balis: Alex. Alex!
Arrow, Straight, Left, Earlier Arrow, Straight, Right, Later

Button to Dr. Balis' Notes Doctor Balis' Notes on this Session

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